From The Cheap Seats

Injury of the Year

2009-05-28T21:37:00.000-07:00

Hip injuries are apparently, well, hip.

I'd never heard of a baseball player tearing his hip labrum before. I mean, I didn't even know hips had labrums, I thought they were in your shoulder. And now we have Brett Myers joining the list of guys with hip injuries. Just last year Justin Duchscherer hurt his hip and I didn't hear any talk of labrums... but now we have Mike Lowell, Chase Utley, Alex Rodriguez, Carlos Delgado, Alex Gordon and now Myers. WTF, people? Did they start putting some hip-weakening agent in infield dirt? I really don't get it.

Anyway, the Phillies are discussing who will come up to replace Myers. In addition to the usual suspects -- Kyle Kendrick and Carlos Carrasco -- some think they'll call up Antonio Bastardo, who was 2-2 with a 1.82 ERA and 0.81 WHIP (7 BB, 39 K) in 34.2 IP in Double-A, and then struck out 11 in his first start in Triple-A.

Judging from those numbers he looks like a really good prospect. But if I were the Phillies I'd call him up for the jersey sales alone. The entire population of South Philly would line up to buy a jersey with BASTARDO across the back of it.

Breaking My Cherry

2009-05-23T05:59:00.000-07:00

Finally getting my first look at the new Yankee Stadium today.

The good news is Andy Pettitte is on the mound, which makes for a nice combination of the old and the new. (No offense, Andy.) Pettitte's always been one of my favorites and it'll be nice to see him on the mound again. If this is the last time I see him pitch in person, it'll be a nice bookend with the first time I saw him -- in the snow on Opening Day in 1996. The weather should be better this time.

The bad news is the Yankees are facing J.A. Happ, who they've never faced before. Gulp. The good news is his numbers this year are pretty good (2.49 ERA, 1.06 WHIP). If he had a 7.00 ERA, he'd be a lock for a two-hitter.

Captain Confidence

2009-04-18T09:13:00.000-07:00

This is just about everywhere, but if you haven't seen it yet you will be amused...

What the hell do I know? 2009 edition

2009-04-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

I think I've conclusively proven that the answer is "not much." In 2007 I had three of the four A.L. playoff teams, but just one out of the four teams in the N.L. Last year I had the A.L. wild card right (Red Sox) but like everyone else blew it on the Rays. I got the Central wrong and the West right. In the N.L. I had two of the four, with the Cubs and Dodgers (although admittedly I thought the Dodgers were getting in as a wild card, not the West champs).

So two years in a row, I got half the playoff teams right. It's never good to have the same winning percentage as a coin flip.

Let's try a little harder this year, shall we? Yeah, whatever.

AMERICAN LEAGUE
A.L. East: As usual, give me the Yankees. Yes, lots of things could go wrong -- the Brewers treated C.C. Sabathia like a rented mule last year, A.J. Burnett and Andy Pettitte are always an elbow twinge away from the D.L., Joba Chamberlain is on a strict innings count and Chien-Ming Wang, foot issues aside, has always been an injury risk. If they get 150 starts those those five pitchers, the Yankees have the best rotation in baseball. I realize that's a big "if." And even without their third baseman for the first six weeks of the season, the Yankees will have the best offense. As I do every year, I will pick the Red Sox for the wild card, followed by the Tampa Bay Rays returning to reality. The Toronto Blue Jays and Baltimore Orioles have a lot of rebuilding to do.

A.L. Central: I'm finally going to not pick the Cleveland Indians, so bet the house on them. But their pitching staff is atrocious. The Detroit Tigers are a mess and the Chicago White Sox have too many holes in their lineup. The Kansas City Royals will be a fun team this year. I love Trey Hillman, they have a nice one-two punch at the top of the rotation with Gil Meche and Zack Greinke, and assuming the ugly finish to his spring wasn't a harbinger of things to come, an exciting closer in Joakim Soria. If I had any guts I'd pick them. I'll be a wuss and take the Minnesota Twins behind a resurgent Francisco Liriano.

A.L. West: Even with Kelvim Escobar, John Lackey and Ervin Santana out for the beginning of the year, even without Mark Teixeira and Francisco Rodriguez and Garret Anderson, I still think the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim will continue to annoy people by winning the West. The Oakland A's and Texas Rangers just don't have the pitching, while the Seattle Mariners don't have anything.

A.L. Awards: I might as well be a total homer and predict Mark Teixeira will be the A.L. MVP. For those who do not live in the New York area and care about such things, John Sterling's ridiculous home run call for Teixeira is "There's a 'Tex' message in the upper deck (or wherever the ball landed). You've made your mark, Teixeira!" Yes, two puns in one home run call. It is only slightly less annoying than "an A-BOMB... from A-ROD!" Do you know Sterling has been calling Yankee games for 21 years? That means anybody under the age of 25 or so knows no other radio voice for the Yankees. That is just appalling. As for the A.L. Cy Young, I guess I have to go all-in on the Twins and give it to Francisco Liriano.

NATIONAL LEAGUE
N.L. East: Am I the only one sensing disaster with the New York Mets? It's hard to realistically gauge this team as I am constantly exposed to WFAN, where every host except for Mike Francesa is a huge Mets fan. I will concede Johan Santana is likely the best pitcher in the N.L., but let's not forget it was just a year ago everyone was whispering about how he might be hiding an injury. He wasn't exactly dominant last year -- his K/9 went from 9.7 in '07 to 7.9 last year, and that's with the pitcher hitting. Ut-oh. If Santana goes down, it's going to be a very ugly inaugural season at CitiField. And even if he stays healthy, he'll have to win 25 games. I just don't see it. I'll take the Philadelphia Phillies -- Cole Hamels is just missing one start, right? Gulp -- followed by the Atlanta Braves, and then the Mets, followed by the Florida Marlins and the Washington Nationals.

N.L. Central: I really can't imagine anyone catching the Chicago Cubs. I know the Cincinnati Reds are everybody's dark-horse favorite at the moment thanks to all the promising young guns in the rotation, but it's never a good idea to entrust an up-and-coming pitching staff to Dusty Baker. I think the St. Louis Cardinals will make it a race, but in the end they'll settle for the wild card. The Milwaukee Brewers just lost too much, the Houston Astros are heading in reverse and the Pittsburgh Pirates are still trying to get out of park.

N.L. West: The Wild West should be a fun division again. The Los Angeles Dodgers have a terrific lineup but no pitching. The San Francisco Giants have a nice rotation but no offense. The Colorado Rockies and the Arizona Diamondbacks have a little of each. (The San Diego Padres will challenge the Pirates and Nats for the worst record in baseball, and just might catch them if they trade Jake Peavy before the deadline.) If the Giants had just a couple more hitters, I'd pick them to win it, but come on -- can a team with Bengie Molina as its clean-up hitter win a division title? I'm guessing, just like last year, the Dodgers will win it with a winning percentage just north of .500.

N.L. Awards: Oh why not, let's give the MVP to Manny Ramirez just to piss off Red Sox Nation. And I will continue to pretend that his elbow is sound and give the Cy Young to Cole Hamels.

POST-SEASON
A.L. Playoffs: Yankees over Angels, finally; Twins over Red Sox. Yankees over Twins.

N.L. Playoffs: Cubs over Dodgers; Cardinals over Phillies. Cubs over Cardinals.

World Series: In a rematch of the first-ever games at the new Yankee Stadium -- not to mention the '38 and '32 World Series -- the Yankees finally pick up No. 27 and sweep the Cubs. Hey, I've predicted the Yankees will win the World Series every year since birth; so far I'm 6-31!

Are You Prepared For the Milano Effect?

2009-02-25T21:09:00.000-08:00

D.Isaac pointed me to this and I just had to be the millionth guy on the Internet to write about.

Forget about performance enhancing drugs. MLB might have to ban Alyssa Milano.

The little girl from Who's the Boss is now all grown up. (Man, is she ever.) And apparently she has a thing for baseball players, particularly pitchers: Carl Pavano (2003), Barry Zito (2004-2005), Brad Penny (2005) and Tom Glavine (2006-2007). (The Who's Dated Who website claims she also dated Greg Vaughn -- but he was an actor, not the baseball player.)

And, as Beanster on The Hardball Times noted, Zito, Pavano and Penny all were mediocre while dating Alyssa, then pitched much better immediately after the break-up (the "Milano Bounce") but then later crashed (the "Milano Meltdown").

Beanster doesn't include Glavine in his study, probably because Glavine doesn't follow the same neat path of mediocre while dating, good soon after, and then awful. He was good while dating her (2006), mediocre after the break-up (2007), and then awful (2008). Maybe it was true love. But, c'mon. Glavine? You're like a hundred years old, dude. Stay away from my sweet Alyssa. It's bad enough Pavano spilled his ragu on her.

Milano is supposedly swearing off baseball players and is now engaged to agent David Bugliari, so maybe we've seen the last of the Milano Effect. Or will it be distributed to all the people David represents?

Paging Richard Simmons...

2009-02-22T20:41:00.001-08:00

Until they start playing Spring Training games later this week, there's really not much for reporters to do in Florida and Arizona. After you've filed your daily quota of A-Roid stories, what else is there to write about? There's the occasional elbow twinge and shoulder tightness story, and maybe if you're lucky you'll find a pitcher who tells you he's developing a new pitch or found a new grip for his change-up or what-have-you.

But if all else fails, write about weight.

Homer Bailey, Travis Hafner and Chase Headley each lost about 10 pounds. Bill Hall lost about 15. Jose Guillen lost 15 to 20 pounds. Oddly enough, Met infielders Luis Castillo and Marlon Anderson each lost exactly 17 pounds. Ryan Howard lost 20 pounds, while Aaron Harang lost 25. Brett Myers beat them out by losing 30, as did Jose Contreras -- even though he won't pitch for at least a few more months with a ruptured Achilles. It's so bad that one reporter noted that Lou Whitaker had lost about 20 pounds over the last two years. Great news for those looking at Whitaker as a deep, deep sleeper in your 50-and-over league.

But if you're serious about writing a weight story, there's just one man to talk to. Prince Fielder is "trimmer" this spring but won't say how much weight he lost.

"I don't like scales," Fielder said, chuckling. "Scales are not cool."

No advice from Prince as to how he lost the weight, except he says he's a vegetarian. But he also said he was a vegetarian last year, and he admitted he "got huge" last season. The man can scarf down broccoli like no one's business.

If you're looking for weight loss tips, just talk to Heath Bell. The newly annointed Padres closer says he lost 25 pounds thanks to his Nintendo Wii.

"It said I was obese," Bell said. "If you're obese, it makes [your character on screen] obese. I was disappointed that I was that big. I literally took the game to heart. I did the work but I kind of credit the Wii Fit."

The "biggest loser" I've found so far this spring is Carlos Silva, who reportedly lost 35 pounds. His secret?

Now, after painful yoga training and a nutritionist fine tuning his diet — cutting meals from two steaks to one; prohibiting meals after 7 p.m.; encouraging him to go to sleep by 9:30 instead of midnight—Silva has lost 35 pounds.

Dude, just one steak per meal? That is harsh!

What is quality?

2009-01-03T09:15:00.000-08:00

You don't have to listen to a lot of sports talk radio to hear someone disparaging the quality start as a useless stat. "Three runs in six innings is a 4.50 ERA! If you have a 4.50 ERA that's quality? Sandy Koufax blah blah blah."

Well, if you consider the average ERA in the A.L. last year was 4.78, yeah, 4.50 isn't too bad.

But I think the problem is the word "quality." People want quality to mean "good" or even "great," not average or even slightly above average.

Yet if you argue with the very same guy ridiculing quality starts, ask him: What's a "winnable" start? I believe most baseball fans, even the ones who find the quality start a laughable statistic, would believe that if your starting pitcher gives up 3 runs or less in the first six innings, you have a chance of winning that game. Not a guarantee, but a chance. If your team loses a game 3-0 or 3-1 or 3-2, do you blame the starting pitcher? Or the offense? If a pitcher leaves the game with the score tied at 3-3, and the closer gives up a home run in the 9th, do you blame the starter for the 3 runs, or the closer for the one?

"Winnable" start. You immediately know what I'm talking about. Hey, that was a winnable start, but we didn't score enough runs, or the bullpen blew it.

Semantics, yes. But words matter.

Bill James once argued that fans and sportswriters don't pay enough attention to outfielder assists because of the word "assist." It sounds like he just sort of helped out while someone else did the work. Nick Markakis led the league with 17 assists last year. That's 17 baserunners he took off the bases -- not to mention all the baserunners who held up instead of testing his arm. That's pretty impressive, but how many people know he led the league in assists? He didn't even win a Gold Glove. James argued that people would pay more attention to outfielder arms if the stat had a cool name like "baserunner kills" instead of "assists."

I feel the same way about quality starts. People think it's a misleading term because, well, it is, because "Quality Start" shouldn't be used to describe what is essentially slightly above average. So they don't like the term, and then they don't like the stat, and they ignore it.

"Winnable Start." Try it on your friends.

Don't call it a comeback!

2008-08-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

On second thought, yeah, let's call it a comeback.

I understand the hatred of Carl Pavano. Anyone who had been paying attention knew it was a dumb signing -- Pavano had one good year amid lots of injuries. But, four years and $39.95 million later, now the Yankees know it too.

But I don't get the "Pavano sucks" attitude I've been hearing on sports talk radio the last couple days. Pavano hasn't sucked. He hasn't been good, he hasn't earned his $39.95 million, he hasn't been what the Yankees apparently thought they were getting when they stupidly signed him in 2005, but he hasn't sucked. He's been either mediocre or absent.

2005: 4-6, 18 BB, 56 K, 4.77 ERA, 1.47 WHIP 2006: DNP 2007: 1-0, 2 BB, 4 K, 4.76 ERA, 1.24 WHIP 2008: ? TOTAL: 5-6, 20 BB, 60 K, 4.77 ERA, 1.45 WHIP

Remember Ed Whitson and Steve Trout? Those guys sucked. They get an F. Pavano gets an incomplete. He just hasn't been here. I'm not sure which one is worse, the guy who shows up but can't get it done, or the guy who is borderline competent on the rare occasion he feels like playing.

Well, apparently he feels like playing now. We need a starter, so it's Pavano or Phil Hughes, who has been having a tough time in Triple-A (8.47 ERA, 1.65 WHIP). And personally, if you're going to rush a guy back, I'd rather it be Pavano. Or maybe you'd rather see Kei Igawa?

(Heck, if he was still with Alyssa Milano, I'd actually be looking forward to today's start. He also was dumped by Gia Allemand after he cheated on her. Apparently this wasn't good enough for Carl. He may have problems using his arm, but apparently not his penis.)

The knock on Glass Carl was that he pitched terribly -- or not at all -- until his contract year in '04, and suddenly he was good (18-8, 3.00 ERA, 1.17 WHIP). That's not exactly fair as he wasn't terrible in '03 (12-13, 4.30 ERA, 1.26 WHIP), but Pavano hasn't done anything in his Yankee career to convince us that he is willing to play through even the slightest discomfort. (Stiff neck, tight back... Bruised buttocks, anyone?)

Now at the end of this season his contract is up. The conspiracy theorists should be expecting a good September, right? Suddenly he feels good enough to pitch again. If Carl wants another contract this off-season, he should be in line for five or six quality starts.

I'll take it.

Oh, and as I pointed out to D. Isaac yesterday -- of the five catchers Pavano has thrown to most often in his career, who has the lowest OPS allowed?

Of course -- Ivan Rodriguez. When pitching to Pudge, Pavano has allowed a .257/.307/.408 (.715 OPS) line, compared to .276/.330/.427 (.757) overall. Yes, Rodriguez caught him during his only good run ('03-'04), and yes, that was in the N.L. Still, it's something to keep in mind.

I'm not busting out the Carl Pavano jersey for today's start. I'm just saying let's wring whatever we can get out of this waste of a contract and move on.

That's just Favrevolous

2008-08-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

As someone who roots for both the Packers and the Jets, this is a strange time for me. My favorite player has been traded from my favorite team... to my second-favorite team.

Sportswriters keep throwing around the divorce analogy when discussing the Packer situation. To carry it out a bit further, it's like your parents get divorced and you're going to keep living with your mom and her new boyfriend, Aaron Rodgers. Your mom seems to be genuinely in love with Aaron but he gives you a weird vibe. It's probably the porn 'stache. Or maybe that time he told you to "get on board now or keep your mouth shut." Awkward!

Meanwhile, on weekends, you'll be staying with dad and his hot new girlfriend, Brett Favre, who wakes up early to make you blueberry pancakes and lets you pick the radio stations and almost never wears a bra.

OK, this analogy is getting a little creepy.

But this trade does leave me with a funny feeling inside.

Objectively, I think it's a good trade for both sides. I thought before the trade the Jets would be a playoff team, probably winning 10 games, thanks to their play fairly easy schedule and revamped offensive line. I think Favre gives them one or maybe two more wins -- and they can't catch New England, but they're a dangerous team in the playoffs. Maybe they lose the AFC Championship game to the Patriots -- undoubtedly on a Favre interception in the final minute. But hey, you live by the Favre, you die by the Favre.

That would mean the Packers get a 2nd Round pick for Favre, which is a great value for a guy you had to trade. And the fact that you got him out of the NFC is a bonus.

I'm not crazy about Rodgers. As I said when this all started, I'd rather trade Rodgers and have one or two more years of Favre, then switch to Brian Brohm. Favre made that impossible, of course, so we have to move on with Rodgers. But that doesn't mean I'm rushing out to buy a No. 12 jersey.

Everyone keeps talking about that great half against the Dallas Cowboys, but remember, that was a Cowboy team with a big lead that had prepared to face Favre, not Rodger the Dodger. Aaron has happy feet in the pocket. The Packers offense is all about timing and routes; that's not going to work if Rodgers is scrambling at the first sign of pressure. I could see the Packers going 9-7, but given the strength of their conference, that might be enough to be a wild card, or even the NFC North title.

Wouldn't it be neat if the Packers played the Jets in the Super Bowl? That'd be the real test for me, wouldn't it? A week ago, no question, I'm rooting for the Packers in that scenario. Now, well... still the Packers, but the devil on my shoulder is hoping Favre sticks it to Ted Thompson one last time.

Yeah, so, in the end, I'm still living with mom and putting up with Aaron. But I'm really looking forward to the weekends.

Ted Thompson plays hard ball

2008-07-13T08:22:00.000-07:00

Ted Thompson hasn't ruled out the possibility of Brett Favre playing for the Green Bay Packers this season, but in what he described as a messy situation the general manager remained loyal to Aaron Rodgers as the team's starting quarterback.
-- Tom Silverstein, Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel

And people say Brett Favre doesn't like this guy! Thompson sounds like quite the charmer.

If you had "benched for an inferior player" in your "How does Favre's consecutive game streak end?" pool, you might be in for some big bucks.

But although this is the way the story is being reported, let's not take it seriously for a minute. There is absolutely no way Favre comes back as a back-up for Aaron Rodgers. That's just silly.

So what's the point of this? To show Brett who has the hammer. And maybe, if they are exploring the possibility of trading Rodgers, it keeps his value up, at least a little. From Favre's point of view, it gives him the opportunity to say, "I'm still a good guy, I'll do what's best for the team." I'm sure his agent will play that card today or tomorrow. Even if Favre wants to be on another team, he has to do some rehab to his reputation. "Aw shucks I just wanna play football, I'll play linebacker if they need me to do that" is what everyone wants to hear.

But this may work itself out before too long anyway. Rodgers has made Nick Johnson look like Lou Gehrig, with a broken foot in 2006 and a pulled hamstring in 2007. Remember, this guy has never started a game. He's had 59 attempts in four years, almost half of those coming in the Cowboys game, and he's been hurt twice. (Both times oddly coming in weeks after Favre got hurt and was doubtful the following week.)

Would anyone be surprised if the Packers start training camp with Favre and Rodgers "sharing reps," but then Rodgers goes down with a strained oblique or a tweaked groin or Nintendo thumb? Then Peter King can do his huzzahs to the Iron Man and we won't have to hear about Rodgers again until next spring.

Not that I hate Rodgers or anything -- I really don't. I was "on board" when Favre was retired. But if my choice is the grizzle or the 'stache, I'll take the grizzle.

What to do about Brett

2008-07-11T21:22:00.000-07:00

For the third straight season, Brett Favre has toyed with the emotions of Packer fans everywhere. Oh, Brett. I don't know how to quit you!

So, what to do in 2008? Frankly, I don't understand this argument that the Packers "owe" the starting job to Aaron Rodgers. Why do we owe anything to A-Rodge? He made a hell of a lot more money than I have since 2005, and we've started the same number of games. As I recall, some people thought Rodgers might go No. 1 in the 2005 draft, other mock drafts had him going anywhere from No. 3 to No. 5 to No. 8. Instead, after a few awkward hours of standing there like the kid picked last in kickball, he went 24th to the Packers. After three years of standing around in a baseball cap (when he wasn't on the trainer's table) and one good relief appearance in a blowout against the Cowboys last year, and now we owe him... what, exactly? Somehow more than we owe Favre?

Also, Aaron's comment about Packer fans -- "I don't think I need to sell myself to the fans. They need to get on board now or keep their mouths shut" -- didn't earn him a lot of points, either.

But then there's Favre. He obviously wants to play in the NFL for one more season (at least). But does he really want to be in Green Bay? Or has this been his plan all along, to retire and then unretire as a free agent?

There's two possibilities:

1) Brett wants out of Green Bay and nothing the Packers will do or say will get him to stay and be happy.

2) Brett will come back to the Packers, in which case you have to say screw Aaron Rodgers.

Let's explore Option 1. Can we all agree that in a Favre-less NFL, the Packers are the favorites to repeat as NFC North champs? Yes, we don't know what we have with Rodgers as our QB, but we know the Lions have Jon Kitna, the Bears have Rex Grossman and the Vikings have Tarvaris Jackson. All three of those guys had more INTs than TDs last year.

But if you put Favre on the Bears -- with Devin Hester and their defense -- and they're the division champs. Put him on the Vikings with Adrian Peterson, and they are. (You'd have to get the 1996 version of Favre to help the Lions.)

So I don't see how you let Favre just walk. He's a valuable commodity, first off, and secondly if you let him walk he very likely walks to a rival and maybe takes the NFC North title with him. If it's Option 1 and Brett won't come back, you have to trade him -- the Jets, the Texans, the Panthers, wherever. Favre has a no-trade clause, but the Packers have the hammer -- either agree to the trade, report to Packer camp, or stay retired.

If it's Option 2, and Favre can be convinced to stay in Green Bay for one more season, the answer is obvious: You trade Rodgers.

He's in the fourth year of a five-year contract, so if you bench him in 2008 to sit behind Favre, you figure he's going to be pissed -- and will walk after the 2009 season.

On the other hand, the Packers just drafted Brian Brohm, a guy some people thought would have been the first pick overall if he came out as a junior in 2007. Instead he stays an extra year in college and goes in the second round to the Pack. Now he gets a year of sitting behind Brett and gets thrown into the fire in 2009. Is there any evidence to suggest he'll be that much worse than Rodgers anyway?

Option 2: Favre starts, Brohm learns, Rodgers goes.

Here's hoping.

Same as it ever was...

2008-05-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

Well, Yankee fans, here we are again, 20-24, 6 games out. But hey, look at the bright side - last year we had the very same record but were 10-1/2 games out.

And last year things got worse -- we'd finish the month 22-29 -- before they got better. But we went 72-39 the rest of the way.

So yeah, it's possible we'll do that again and win the wild card, maybe even the division. But wouldn't it be nice if this team could play all six months of the season, instead of only the last four?

It's just not easy to beat a guy like Oliver Perez with five lefties in the lineup (and when one of the righties is Alberto Gonzalez).

Perez vs RHB: .285 BA, .390 OBP, .398 SLG Perez vs LHB: .094 BA, .269 OBP, .208 SLG

I don't know why Girardi left Morgan Ensberg and Shelley Duncan on the bench; you would think their only purpose in life is to mash guys like Ollie. If you aren't going to use them last night, why have them on the team? I do realize that Ensberg is hitting .214 (.179 vs LHP) and Duncan is hitting .194 (.240 vs LHP), but it's not like Giambi and Cano are hitting either. If they put Gonzalez at second, Ensberg at third and Duncan at first, do they win the game? Who knows. Maybe Duncan doesn't waste an out in the 4th inning the way Giambi did (trying to force Carlos Beltran instead of getting the easier out at first), and the Mets don't score 4 runs that inning. Maybe the offense produces more than 2 runs. Or maybe they get shut out, who knows.

All I know is this is a very frustrating team to watch right now, and when things were bleak last year, it was guys like Duncan who fired up the team and finally got them playing with some heart again.

Get them in the game, Joe. At this point, what do we have to lose?

Bobby Hill watch

2008-05-16T08:26:00.000-07:00

I have not relented in my unhealthy obsession with Bobby Hill, not the kid from King of the Hill but rather the former can't-miss prospect who missed. Hill was a Scott Boras client who elected not to sign with the White Sox after they took him in the second round of the 1999 amateur draft; instead, he played a year with the independent league Newark Bears. The following year, the Cubs took him in the draft and he did sign. After a few years in the minors, but never really getting a shot to play, and a few injuries, he's now back where it all began, with the Newark Bears.

Through Newark's first 18 games, Bobby is still getting on base (.373 OBP) but is hitting just .246; he no longer has any speed and he never had much power. A .246 BA/.721 OPS from a second baseman wouldn't impress you if he did it in Triple-A, and this isn't even Triple-A. This is the Atlantic League, where the level of competition is uneven to say the least.

At least Bobby is out-hitting a couple other former phenoms, Randall Simon and Calvin Pickering. In fact, you could go through the Atlantic League and put together an intriguing roster of has-beens, almost-weres and never-wuzzes.

The Atlantic League's "Where Are They Now?" All-Star Team:

Starters:
C Jason Phillips (Camden) - .320/.393/.400 in 25 AB
1B Randall Simon (Newark) - .226/.258/.306 in 62 AB
2B Brent Abernathy (Long Island) - .320/.346/.360 in 50 AB
3B Brandon Larson (Somserset) - .338/.411/.508 in 65 AB
SS Alex Prieto (Bridgeport) - .191/.263/.235 in 68 AB
LF Curtis Pride (Maryland) - .212/.350/.318 in 66 AB
CF Val Majewski (Newark) - .300/.390/.400 in 50 AB
RF Carl Everett (Long Island) - .323/.440/.468 in 62 AB
DH Calvin Pickering (Bridgeport) - .161/.333/.339 in 56 AB

Reserves:
C Mike Rose (Long Island) - .156/.289/.219 in 32 AB
C/1B Matt LeCroy (Lancaster) - .129/.206/.226 in 31 AB
UT Bobby Hill (Newark) - .246/.373/.348 in 69 AB
UT Damian Jackson (Maryland) - .000/.222/.000 in 7 AB
OF Mike Vento (Camden) - .125/.200/.125 in 8 AB

Starting Pitchers:
SP John Halama (Maryland) - 2.36 ERA, 0.97 WHIP in 26.2 IP
SP Brian Lawrence (Camden) - 3.97 ERA, 1.37 WHIP in 22.2 IP
SP Eric Dubose (Bridgeport) - 4.50 ERA, 1.55 WHIP in 22.0 IP
SP Ryan Drese (Camden) - 4.87 ERA, 1.57 WHIP in 20.1 IP
SP Jason Simontacchi (Long Island) - 6.43 ERA, 1.64 WHIP in 14.0 IP

Relievers:
RP Bret Prinz (Somerset) - 0.00 ERA, 1.00 WHIP in 9.0 IP
RP Travis Wade (Maryland) - 3.12 ERA, 1.50 WHIP in 8.2 IP
RP Wayne Franklin (York) - 3.86 ERA, 1.41 WHIP in 16.1 IP
RP Jeff Farnsworth (Maryland) - 6.35 ERA, 1.59 WHIP in 22.2 IP
RP Will Cunnane (Newark) - 6.55 ERA, 1.91 WHIP in 11.0 IP
RP Brian Shackelford (Maryland) - 0.00 ERA, 3.00 WHIP in 1.1 IP

That hurts!

2008-04-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

The Yankees have suddenly been hit with a couple big injuries.

Jorge Posada has a "tear in his subscapularis muscle"... that doesn't sound good. What sounds even worse is he's going to go visit with Dr. James Andrews. Andrews had earlier said he didn't think Posada would need surgery, but the shoulder hasn't gotten any better. At this point all we know is he is probably going on the D.L. for the first time in his 13-year career.

Adding to the frustration, the Yankees just designated Chad Moeller for assignment, so now it's just Jose Molina and presumably Chris Stewart from Scranton (.270 BA, .737 OPS). Stewart is an intriguing fellow as he has a .386 OBP... in 37 ABs, he has 7 walks and 0 strikeouts. But don't get too excited -- he has a career .313 OBP (.252 BA, .361 SLG) in seven minor league seasons. If Moeller clears waivers maybe they'll bring him back, or troll the free agent catcher market and see who needs a job. Does anyone have Mike Lieberthal's phone number? I guess if all else fails we can always suit up Girardi for old times' sake.

Then there's Brian Bruney, who suffered the dreaded Lisfranc injury and might be gone for the rest of the season. I know Bruney wasn't high on anyone's pre-season "Yankees I hope don't get Lisfranc'd" list, but he was one of our best non-Joba middle relief options this year (11.1 IP, 7 H, 2 ER, 6 BB, 12 K).

Luckily we have a lot of depth at Triple-A when it comes to bullpen help. Edwar Ramirez has been just filthy in Scranton (9.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 13 K). Jose Veras (11.0 IP, 7 H, 2 ER, 4 BB, 18 K), Heath Phillips (12.2 IP, 3 H, 3 ER, 4 BB, 11 K) and Sean Henn (6.2 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 1 BB, 7 K) have pitched well also. I think you call up Edwar and hope Ross Ohlendorff gets straightened out.

Your number is up...

2008-04-17T09:51:00.000-07:00

So, LaTroy Hawkins has given up No. 21...

I have mixed feelings about this whole situation.

First, I don't really like Hawkins. The Yankees desperately needed middle relief help, but Hawkins? The guy with a career 4.70 ERA, 1.47 WHIP? Check his career numbers against Boston (5.23 ERA, 1.39 WHIP), Cleveland (5.27, 1.78) and Anaheim/Los Angeles (5.85, 1.73), the A.L.'s three post-season teams last year.

Most alarming of all, the Yankees have hit Hawkins to the tune of a 6.44 ERA, 1.61 WHIP and .327 BAA. Wouldn't it have made more sense for us to pay another team to take him? He helps us more when he's pitching for an opponent!

We've been collecting guys like this since the end of the great Ramiro Mendoza/Mike Stanton/Jeff Nelson triumverate. He's a proud successor to the heritage of Luis Vizcaino, Felix Rodriguez, Felix Heredia, Paul Quantrill and Antonio Osuna.

But there weren't a lot of great middle relievers available this off-season, and we needed somebody who could throw strikes. (For all his faults, he doesn't give up a lot of walks... just hits.) Frankly, Hawkins isn't a problem if he's a mop-up guy, and hopefully that's what he'll be as I'm assuming Joe Girardi knows that Brian Bruney and Ross Ohlendorf are both better options to bridge the gap to Joba and Mo.

But I think it was stupid to boo a guy for his number. If the Yankees wanted to retire No. 21, they didn't need LaTroy's permission to do it. And the bottom line is? I don't think the number should be retired.

Paul O'Neill was a very good player who I will always remember, but retired numbers should be for the true Yankee greats, and he wasn't. He's like Hank Bauer, Roy White, Tommy Tresh. Guys who are beloved by the fans of that generation, but an immortal? I'm sorry, but when you make your list of all-time Yankee outfielders, where do you put the Warrior? In terms of runs created as a Yankee, he ranks eighth (858), between Bob Meusel (876) and Tommy Henrich (856). Don't like runs created? OK, in career OPS, he's 9th (.869) among Yankee OFs, behind the likes of Charlie Keller (.928), George Selkirk (.883), and, again, Henrich (.873). If you want to use Adjusted OPS to take into account his era, it doesn't help your case: He's now tied for 13th at 125 with Hideki Matsui, Bernie Williams and Birdie Cree. (Henrich is 9th.)

I don't point this out to denigrate O'Neill, who, as I said, was a very good player and by all accounts a very nice, very funny guy. In 40 years, I will tell my grandchildren stories about O'Neill's legendary tantrums and the crowd chanting his name in 2001. It doesn't matter if there's a No. 21 plaque on the wall or not. And they'll think of O'Neill the way I think of Henrich, a very good player who belongs to my grandfather's generation.

I like what the Yankees had done with O'Neill's number, leave it out of circulation for a little while, then quietly bring it back. (Honestly, if it were up to me, I'd make Numbers 1 and 9 available again too, but that ain't gonna happen.) I don't remember any outrage when Morgan Ensberg wore 21 in spring training. I wonder what would've happened if he had just kept it? Could it be that No. 21 just looks better on a white guy?

All that said... Hawkins had a 9.00 ERA and 1.86 WHIP as No. 21; last night, as No. 22, he pitched two scoreless innings, giving up just one hit and striking out 2, and earned his first Yankee win. So maybe the fans were right after all.

What the hell do I know? 2008 edition

2008-03-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

Last year I made some predictions about how the baseball season would go. I thought the Yankees would win the A.L. East and the Red Sox would win the Wild Card; flip those two. I had the Indians winning the Central; they did. I blew the West, picking the A's over the Angels. Whoops.

In the N.L., I picked the Mets to win the East, with the Phillies close enough behind them to win the Wild Card. Well, that almost happened, except the Mets decided to take September off, stumbling to a bizarre finish that left them a game behind Philadelphia and two games out of the Wild Card. Ah well. In the Central, I admitted I had no idea and threw a dart at the Astros. Yikes. They went 73-89, finishing 12 games behind the Central champion Cubs. In the West, I picked the Padres, who finished a game out, but that was only good enough for 3rd place. The D-Backs and Rockies tied, with Colorado going in as the Wild Card.

So now you know not to listen to me.

But what the heck, let's try again.

AMERICAN LEAGUE
A.L. East: As a Yankee fan I have no choice but to pick the Bombers. Both teams have some question marks in their rotations, but the Yankees have the better offense - let's not forget they led MLB with 5.98 runs per game last year, while the Red Sox were 4th (5.35), behind the Phillies (5.51) and Tigers (5.48). The Yankees gave the Sox a two-month head start and finished 2 games behind the Red Sox; this year it's the Sox starting with injury problems in their rotation. So, I'm taking Yankees followed by the Wild Card-winning Red Sox. I think the Rays and Jays will battle it out for third and the Orioles bring up the rear.

A.L. Central: Wow, people really love the Tigers. They may score 1,000 runs. They won't - but when you consider their pitching staff, will 1,000 runs be enough? It's possible the Tigers slug their way to 90 wins, and maybe that's enough to win the Central, but maybe not. I'll take the Indians again, followed by the Tigers, then the White Sox and Royals, with the Twins dropping to last place.

A.L. West: Well, even I've been convinced not to pick Oakland this year. I still hate the Angels, but the Rangers are such a screwed-up organization I just can't pick them. Every year they whine about pitching and every year they go out and trade for... batters. Nice. I know the Mariners won 88 games last year, but that was a fluke; on the other hand, they added Erik Bedard. Let's call it even and say they win 88 games again, which I don't think will be enough. So, Angels, Mariners, Rangers, A's.

A.L. Awards: Even though I'm picking the Yankees to win the East, I'll give the MVP to Manny Ramirez as he carries the battered Red Sox to the Wild Card with a ridiculous September, and give the A.L. Cy Young to, what the hell, Erik Bedard, though the Mariners come up short of the playoffs.

NATIONAL LEAGUE
N.L. East: They're bedeviled by injuries at the moment but I can't see the Mets collapsing again. They should post the best record in the N.L. I'm thinking the Braves will finish just ahead of the Phillies but comes up a few games short of the Wild Card. The Nationals are closer to 3rd than to last, but that still leaves them in 4th. The Marlins bring up the rear again.

N.L. Central: Same ol' same ol' out here. The Cubs have some more bats to go with their pitchers and should repeat as Central champs. Everybody else in this division is playing for .500. I'll throw them up in the air and say, Brewers, Reds, Cardinals (what's the over/under for the date of Albert Pujols's season-ending elbow injury?), Astros, Pirates, but who cares.

N.L. West: This is a tough division; you can make a case for anybody except the Giants, who might be the worst team in baseball. Arizona and San Diego have great pitching, Colorado has a good offense and Los Angeles has a little of each. I think the Rockies hang around for awhile but can't keep up; that leaves three teams battling it out for two spots. I think the Diamondbacks come out ahead, and then let's make Joe Torre happy and say the Dodgers get the Wild Card - of their last 13 games, 10 are against the Pirates and Giants, and three are home against San Diego. That leaves the Padres sulking in third place, the Rockies in fourth and of course the Giants last.

N.L. Awards: Mediocre A.L. pitchers look good when they go to the N.L.; how is Johan Santana going to look? But I work with too many pessimistic Mets fans, who have convinced me he'll break down sometime in August. Let's say Brandon Webb takes his second Cy Young in three years, and David Wright wins the MVP.

POST-SEASON
A.L. Playoffs: Yankees over Indians (no bugs this time), and Red Sox over Angels. Yankees over Red Sox in the another 7-game classic.

N.L. Playoffs: Mets over Dodgers; DBacks over Cubs. DBacks over Mets in 6.

World Series: Finally, revenge for the 2001 World Series. Yankees in 6.

Why does anyone care?

2008-03-12T00:28:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's a good sign that there's so little drama in Yankeeland this year - what, no one cares any more if A-Rod and Jeter still have sleepovers? - that the biggest story out of spring training is that Billy Crystal is going to suit up and play in tomorrow's game against the Pirates.

When I first heard this, I was like, "whatever." And then I heard people calling WFAN and ESPN Radio and whining about how horrible this was, what a sacrilege, what an insult to the game, and I thought about what they were saying, and I was like... "whatever."

Is it hatred of Billy Crystal or hatred of the Yankees or just general pissing and moaning in general that has convinced anyone to care about this? Spring training is just that, training. The games don't count. They play college teams and split squads and minor leaguers with numbers you normally only see on wide receivers.

And why hate on Billy? It's going to be his new best day.

I wonder how many of these same idiots complaining about one game with Billy Crystal remember that Garth Brooks did this -- in three spring trainings! -- including going 0-for-17 with the Mets in 2000. Somehow that's not an insult to the game, because, uh... Garth is a big star? I dunno. Hell, George Plimpton did this 40 years ago and wrote a book about it. And do I even have to bring up Michael Jordan?

If it's OK for Yankees to pretend to act, it's OK for actors to pretend to be Yankees.

Look, the bottom line? If Billy Crystal playing in a meaningless spring training game makes you mad, maybe you oughtta try hitting a pillow.

There are no words...

2008-03-05T15:04:00.000-08:00

OK, maybe two: Thanks, Brett.

This isn't about sports, but...

2008-03-03T14:40:00.000-08:00

I'm sure everyone has seen this commercial by now.

Now, does anyone else watch this commercial and identify more with the geeks than the cool kid, "Chad"?

When Chad says, "So what level Dungeon Master are you guys?", I said "Dungeon Masters don't have levels" at the same moment they did!

I guess whoever made this commercial has figured out that geeks are cool now, because they've turned the geeks into wiggers.

Yeah, that's not too played.

A lot of people I ask about the "dungeon master" commercial know it's for a cell phone, but they either don't know which one or think it's for Verizon. It's actually for Alltel. But considering how stupid the commercials are, maybe it's better that people are confused.

No longer the king of the hill

2008-02-25T14:25:00.000-08:00

It's a great day for the Newark Bears: The defending Atlantic League champions have re-signed Bobby Hill.

No, not the kid from King of the Hill.

No, not Renko's partner from Hill Street Blues.

This is the Bobby Hill who was drafted by the White Sox in the second round of the 1999 amateur draft, but super agent Scott Boras told him to hold out and instead play the 2000 season as a shortstop with the Newark Bears. Hill, a 22-year-old switch-hitter, hit .326 with a .442 OBP and stole a franchise-record 81 bases. He also had 13 home runs and 82 RBIs.

As I've mentioned here before, I saw Hill play a few times that year. Now, the Atlantic League isn't anywhere near the majors -- it's mostly has-beens, could'a-beens and never-wuzzes. So the level of talent wasn't great, but still, Hill was just on another planet. If you've played beer league softball, you know how you can spot the ringer 'cause he's the one guy shows up wearing actual baseball pants? Well, in the Atlantic League that year, Hill was that guy. Everyone else comes up to the plate hacking and slashing; he'd be the guy taking a strike and fouling off tough pitches and holding up on sliders in the dirt and driving the ball the other way. He could run, he could hit, he could field. You just knew he'd be a star.

The following year, Hill was drafted by the Cubs and eventually signed with them. He hit .301 (.394 OBP) with 20 SBs in Double-A; in 2002, he hit .280 (.367 OBP) with 29 SB in Triple-A, got promoted to the majors and hit .253 (.327 OBP) in 190 ABs as a second baseman. But the Cubs sent him back to Triple-A in 2003, where he hit .269 (.339 OBP), then near the end of the season traded him (as the player to be named later) in the deal that landed them Aramis Ramirez.

Hill played almost all of 2004 in the majors, hitting .266 with a .353 OBP in 233 ABs (but 126 games) for the Pirates playing second and third. You'd think that'd be enough to stick the following year, but you don't know the Pirates. He again bounced between Triple-A and the majors in 2005, hitting .241 (.336 OBP) in Triple-A and .269 (.343 OBP) in the bigs. Then he got traded to the Padres -- for a pitcher named Clayton Hamilton -- and spent all of 2006 in the minors. He hit .282 with a .396 OBP, but the Padres never called him up. They released him at the end of the year and he missed all of 2007 after undergoing back surgery.

I think it's a smart move for Hill. Maybe GMs don't like what happened with Boras after the '99 draft. Maybe Hill has fungus on his shower shoes. Or maybe they're just more comfortable with guys like Mark Bellhorn - a guy ahead of him on the depth chart with the Cubs and the Padres, even though Bells hit .209 in '03 and .190 in '06.

Whatever the reason, it seems obvious he wasn't going to get a chance to make the bigs, even as a utilityman, despite a respectable MLB career batting average of .262 (.343 OBP) in 523 AB, and .277 (.367 OBP) in 1,424 AB in the minors. Now he's 30, and it seems most of his speed has left him, and who knows if he can still play short. The Bears might be his last chance to showcase what's left of his skills and maybe get a ticket back to the big leagues.

I'm hoping to see him in Newark this summer and see something of the kid who looked like a future star just eight years ago. Even if it's just a glimpse.

Hope springs eternal...

2008-02-20T16:04:00.000-08:00

...or should that be, spring's eternal hopes?

This time of year there are always so many stories about how pitchers are throwing great and looking great and feeling great. And if you're a geek like me hungry for any kind of fantasy baseball insight, I love reading that Johnny Damon says he had a great off-season and Jose Reyes says he's going to be more serious and Eric Chavez says he's finally healthy again.

I know 99 percent of these stories are sportswriters looking to fill up column inches before the spring training games start. There's nothing to do right now but talk to players and what are they going to say? "I spent the off-season eating pizza and ice cream. Really! There's this place by my house where you can get ice cream as a topping."

Here's my favorite story from today:

Girardi caught Kyle Farnsworth 73 times when both were with the Chicago Cubs from 2000 to 2002, and both think their prior relationship could help Farnsworth bounce back after two shaky seasons.

"He was kind of a mentor to me when I was coming up as a young player," Farnsworth said. "So I think it's going to be a good time.

"He looked out for me. ... He knows how to get the best out of me."

Girardi said he believes in Farnsworth, who has a 4.57 ERA as a Yankee.

"The first thing is, I believe he's got good stuff," Girardi said, "because I've seen it first-hand, and I believe he still has it."

What they didn't tell you: Farnsie had a 2.74 ERA and 1.15 WHIP with the Cubs in '01... but in the '00 and '02 versions, he combined for a 6.77 ERA and 1.75 WHIP. So the much-celebrated Farnsworth/Girardi years produced a 5.16 ERA, which is more than a half-run worse than what he's done in two years as a Yankee!

The Beauty of Baseball, Part 2 The Phenom

2008-02-18T19:47:00.000-08:00

One amazing thing about baseball is you can live in the now, breathing the excitement of each pitch. However, you can also plan your fandom for the future. Who will the next big star be in Major League Baseball? Who will the next big star be for my team?

This young man could very easily be in the starting rotation for the New York Yankees in 2009. He is young, he is talented, he is half Iranian half Japanese and I hope he is pitching in New York sooner, rather than later. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the great Yu Darvish.

Kennesaw Mountain Landis at steroids hearing?

2008-02-13T11:30:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's just me, but doesn't the guy behind Brian McNamee look sort of familiar?

A little bit like this guy, no?

Schilling's shoulder

2008-02-09T06:39:00.000-08:00

I guess whatever miraculous healing power Curt Schilling used on his ankle doesn't work for shoulders.

Or maybe they test for it now.

Either way, it looks like Schilling is out until at least the All-Star Break, if not the year. Or his career could be over.

I have two reasons to hate Schilling - 2001 World Series, 2004 ALCS. But I also have two reasons not to hate him - I like that he has a game design company (yes, I'm a geek), and I like that he has done so much to fight ALS, even naming his son Gehrig.

So on balance those cancel out.

No, not really. Fuck him and his ketchup-leaking ankle. Why couldn't anyone try to drop a bunt on that pudgy gimp? Ridiculous. But at least I'll be able to hate him a lot less if his career is over.

What I'm really wondering today is how Red Sox fans feel about him right now. They all loved him and his bloody sock. They loved his trash-talking on his blog and Sons of Sam Horn. But you have to wonder how they would have gone about their business this off-season if they'd known they might be without Schilling this year.

The Red Sox certainly wouldn't have signed Schilling to that $8 million one-year contract if they knew his shoulder tendon looked like "three strands of spaghetti." (What's it supposed to look like, rigatoni?) And even if they had signed him to a bargain-basement contract, they could have insisted on surgery back in November.

But would they have been more aggressive in going after Johan Santana, Erik Bedard or Dan Haren?

Red Sox fans are saying the loss of Schilling is no big deal, they only gave him 150 innings and 9 wins last year. But there's a big difference between having a starting rotation of four veterans and one rookie, and three veterans and two rookies - especially when one of those veterans is Tim Wakefield, who also battled shoulder problems last year. Josh Beckett is unquestionably an ace, and Daisuke Matsuzaka should be better after adjusting to the league last year. But after that? They can turn within and try Jon Lester, Clay Buchholz, Devern Hansack and/or Kyle Snyder. The Yankees tried the rookie-of-the-month rotation the first half of last year and it didn't work so well, so good luck with that.

More likely they'll trade for a veteran - maybe Joe Blanton, but you know Billy Beane isn't going to just give him away - or sign whoever is still out there. Bartolo Colon, Kris Benson, Steve Trachsel, Shawn Chacon... Yeah, it's ugly.

I don't want to oversell the loss of Schilling - no one is suggesting you can now write the Red Sox off. But it certainly changes the dynamic heading into 2008. And if I was a Red Sox fan, I'd rather have known about Schilling in November, instead of a week before pitchers and catchers report.

Why say it?

2008-01-27T07:07:00.000-08:00

Bernie Williams was a great Yankee. For 16 years he played centerfield in the Bronx with dignity and professionalism. He was a pretty good player too. He appeared in 5 All Star games and is one of the most prolific post season performers in baseball history, lingering at or near the top of every major statistical category.

I remember Bernie's entire career from the debates about who the better Williams was (Gerald Williams was a Yankee prospect at the time Bernie came up) to marveling at the endless supply of big hits Bernie provided in the playoffs. I also remember the end of his career with the Yankees. I thought he lingered too long and should have retired a couple of year earlier than he did because he wasn't providing much value at the plate or in the field. I didn't care though. I was willing to endure an aging Yankee star as payment for what he provided us for those many years.

When I see stories like this, as a fan, I get upset. This story quotes current Yankee general manager Brian Cashman speaking about Bernie Williams negatively.

The rift between Williams and the team got personal on Friday night. Speaking at William Paterson University in New Jersey, general manager Brian Cashman said Williams spent too much time with his burgeoning music career "and that took away from his play" on the field.
Cashman said Williams had a "terrible season" in 2005 and former manager Joe Torre was wrong to play Williams as often as he did in 2006 because better players were available.

My question is why? What good does it serve to hurt Bernie Williams, a man who served honorably at the pleasure of the Yankees for 16 years? What good does it serve to bash a player who not only peformed far above the average major leaguer, but was also an ambassador of the game and a classy guy? What good does it serve to bash a guy who was a key piece of 4 championship seasons? Doesn't Cashman have enough to worry about with pitchers and catchers around the corner and a new Field Marshal Steinbrenner at the helm? As a Yankee fan I would love to see him focus on what's important, the future of the New York Yankees, and let the fans worry about evaluating things that happened years ago.

D Isaac

I find this amusing

2008-01-23T18:07:00.000-08:00

In the wake of a Packers loss, I'll take my humor where I can get it. The idea of Hitler as a Cowboys fan appeals to me anyway.

If you're wondering where that came from, it was from the 2004 movie Downfall. Here's the original clip with the real subtitles:

Damnit. Just damnit.

2008-01-21T06:58:00.000-08:00

So when did Eli Manning turn into Ralph Macchio?

How does this suck? Let us count the ways:

• It sucks when your team loses.

• It sucks when your team loses to a team you know you should have beaten.

• It sucks when your team loses to a team you know you should have beaten when you work in an office surrounded by fans of that team.

After every Giant loss I'd heard about how they hated Eli "Fredo" Manning, about how they wanted to fire Tom Coughlin, about how Michael Strahan was a selfish jerk, blah blah blah.

I guess they don't hate Eli any more.

I'm looking forward to next year's 6-10 season so they can all start ripping their team again, but in the meantime I have to endure two weeks of National Public Radio, because there is no way I'm going to listen to Giant fans spending the rest of the month jerking each other off on WFAN. It's going to be bad enough getting hit with the spatter at work.

Deal or no deal?

2008-01-17T06:25:00.000-08:00

Let's say you run the Yankees and I run the Red Sox, and in the interest of putting aside our long-standing rivalry, we should make a fair trade that will make everybody happy.

How about you trade me 21-year-old right-hander Phil Hughes for 24-year-old left-hander Jon Lester.

Hughes, in 13 MLB starts, has a 4.46 ERA and a 1.28 WHIP, with 29 BB and 58 K in 72.2 IP; in the minors, a 2.09 ERA and a 0.86 WHIP with 66 BB and 311 Ks in 275 IP.

Lester, in 26 MLB starts, has a 4.68 ERA, 1.46 WHIP, 74 BB and 110 K in 144.1 IP; in the minors, a 3.33 ERA, 1.31 WHIP, 203 BB and 446 K in 484 IP.

What? No deal?

OK. How about if Lester came with Coco Crisp, a 28-year-old center fielder who hit .268 with a .712 OPS last year (career .280, .738) and will make $4.75 million next year. Would that convince you to make the deal?

Oh wait - but you have to throw in 22-year-old Melky Cabrera, who hit .273 with a .718 OPS last year (career .280, .728) and makes $432,400. Does that make the deal better?

No? Sheesh. OK, how about if I also give you 22-year-old right-hander Justin Masterson (4.34 ERA, 1.16 WHIP, 18 BB, 59 K in Double-A). But you have to also include 22-year-old right-hander Jeff Marquez (3.65 ERA, 1.35 WHIP, 44 BB, 94 K in Double-A).

Still won't pull the trigger? Fine. I'll throw in 23-year-old middle infielder Jed Lowrie (.300, .862 OPS in Triple-A).

What is wrong with you?

Alright, stop whining. Let's try a different deal. How about you give me Hughes, Cabrera and Marquez, and instead of Lester and Crisp, I'll give you Lowrie, Masterson and... (drumroll)... Jacoby Ellsbury! The 23-year-old center fielder hit .353/.394/.509 in 116 major league at-bats last year, and .314/.390/.426 over a three-year minor league career. No question he's a good young hitter... a good enough hitter to get me Hughes, wouldn't you say?

No?... you are impossible to deal with!

If the Twins don't think Hughes and Cabrera is enough for Johan Santana, that's fine. But how anyone can think that Lester/Crisp or just Ellsbury is a better offer just boggles my mind.

Baseball America graded out four offers for Santana and say either of the Red Sox offers is better than the Yankee offer. (The Mets offer comes out last, if only because all the players involved are so young that they're all gambles.) Obviously I know far less about baseball than the people at Baseball America. But on what planet is Hughes not worth more than Ellsbury or Lester+Crisp?

Are Masterson and Lowrie so much more valuable than Cabrera and Marquez that it makes up for the difference with Hughes?

Young pithers are a fragile commodity, I get that. The long list of superstars-to-be who never made it is long and sad. I'm sure you can find guys with minor league numbers as good or better than Hughes who never made it. But you can make that same argument about Lester or Masterson or any other young pitcher.

And I'm not trying to sell Cabrera as being on Ellsbury's level. (But surely he's worth more than Crisp!) But if you had Hughes, would you really trade him for Ellsbury straight up?

I'm not buying any of this. I think the Twins want Hughes, but they're also trying to get Ian Kennedy or somebody else out of the Yankees, and the Yankees are sticking to their initial offer. So what do you do if you're the Twins? Of course, you run to the Red Sox and Mets, say their offers are better, and hope the Yankees bite and put more on the table.

But Baseball America would trade Hughes and Melky for Lester and Crisp?

Really?

Gunning down the Cowboys

2008-01-14T05:57:00.000-08:00

Who would'a thunk that Eli would be the only Manning playing in the conference championship game?

I guess Tony Romo's Hall of Fame induction ceremony will have to wait, although I don't agree with those who are blaming the loss on him - or Jessica Simpson (or her look-alike). Yes, he threw the INT that ended the game, but the Cowboys had plenty of chances to win this game. The Giants couldn't put the game away in the fourth quarter, having two three-and-outs. In the end, the Cowboys got the ball back with 1:50 on the clock, one time out and 48 yards to go for the game-winning touchdown. I thought for sure we were heading to Texas. But then the Cowboys did an even better job of imploding than the Giants did. Game over.

So don't blame Tony. It's unfair. They lost as a team, man.

As much as I would've liked to avenge our Week 13 loss to the Cowboys, I have to like our chances in Green Bay against the Giants a lot more than another trip to Dallas.

I'm preparing for an onslaught of Eli-Favre comparisons. They both went to school in Mississippi and they're both good ol' boys. Favre married his high school sweetheart; Manning is engaged to his college girlfriend. They'll try to make some kind of "Favre wasn't built in a day" type analogy to Eli. It's funny, when the Giants win everyone loves Eli, but when they lose, he's Fredo Corleone. That's the curse of being a Manning, or a Corleone for that matter. I'm sure Fredo would've found a nice job at his own pace if they'd left him alone, but instead they made him go into the family business.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

2008-01-13T11:00:00.000-08:00

I guess Mother Nature is a Packer fan.

After three ugly minutes, the Packers settled down and took care of business yesterday, sending a message with a 42-20 win over the Seahawks.

The Seahawks have a lot of ties to the Packers - coach Mike Holmgren, offensive coordinator Gil Haskell and quarterback Matt Hasselbeck - and if we hadn't knocked them out of the playoffs they'd be the team I'd be rooting for.

It was an ugly first three minutes. You could just sense the sportswriters were already trying to come up with their stories. Hm, should we say the Packers are rusty from their bye week? Or that they're a young team and couldn't handle the post-season pressure? Or maybe they weren't "battle-tested" because they played an easy schedule?

But after spotting them two touchdowns, the Pack roared back. Brett Favre stayed cool, Ryan Grant redeemed himself in a huge way, and Atari Bigby was flying around like a lunatic. It was a great game. Even a vintage Favre "what the hell is he doing?" pass - that stumbling, wobbling, no-look underhanded toss to Donald Lee.

You gotta love it.

Theme Team: The All-Butch Team

2008-01-09T23:13:00.000-08:00

Whoa, I see I haven't done a Theme Team since August. Let's get back on track with a team near and dear to my heart... the All-Butch Team.

You might think this is a team of all women's field hockey players. And you would be wrong. That's mean. Because there are some women who play field hockey who aren't butch at all. And some who very clearly could kick my ass. So as to not to offend either group, let's move on with the team, shall we?

The All-Butch Team

What is your name?
Butch.
What does it mean?
I'm American, honey. Our names don't mean shit.
-- Pulp Fiction

I thought I could field a team of just guys whose first name appears as "Butch" in Baseball Reference, but there's not enough of them for a full team -- there's only 16. So I also included guys who are listed as having the nickname "Butch," and a couple minor leaguers. As it was I could only find eight pitchers, including two from college teams and one had just one appearance in the minors.

Apparently if you want your kid to grow up to be a catcher, give him the nickname Butch. I could barely scrape together 25 players for a roster, and yet I found eight guys named Butch who were catchers. Go figure.

The other thing I learned from doing this list is if you name your son Elmer or Wallace or Clell, and then doubly screw him by giving him a middle name like Le Roy or McArthur or Lavern, you can pretty much guarantee your kid will either be beaten up a lot, or beat up a lot of other kids and thus get a nickname like Butch.

BATTERS:

C Butch Wynegar: Harold Delano Wynegar Jr. came up with the Twins, finishing second in the Rookie of the Year balloting as a 20-year-old catcher in '76 (.260 BA, .719 OPS), but to me he'll always be a Yankee. A switch-hitter who could work a walk but had absolutely no power -- his career slugging average (.347) is actually less than his career on-base percentage (.348). How is that possible? You need to have a lot of sacrifices. He had 58 career sacrifice bunts compared to 65 career home runs. That's pretty impressive. He's now the hitting coach for the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees, a team I suspect will have some very good bunters.

1B Butch Schmidt: Charles John Schmidt had four years in the bigs -- one game as a pitcher with the 1909 Highlanders, and three years as a first baseman with the Boston Braves. His best year came in 1914, helping to lead the "Miracle Braves" to an improbable comeback and World Series sweep. Schmidt hit .285 with a .350 OBP, which must have been pretty good, because he tied for 16th in the MVP voting. He apparently was a very good fielder.

2B Butch Kolloway: Donald Martin Kolloway also went by "Cab," which is funnier. But someone apparently called him Butch. Kolloway was pretty big for a 1940s second baseman (6'3", 200 pounds) and later played third and first, but played more than 600 of his 1,079 MLB games at second base. His best year was probably 1949, when he hit .292 -- a very empty .292 (.359 OBP, .355 SLG, 7 SB, 7 CS). But that same year he had 49 walks to just 26 strikeouts in 487 at-bats.

3B Butch Keltner: Kenneth Frederick Keltner -- I've always heard him referred to just as Ken, but hey, it says (Butch) next to his name on Baseball Reference, and we need players, so he's in. Keltner's last game was in 1950, so as fans who saw him play continue to die off, he'll probably be best remembered for the "Keltner List" created by Bill James. Looking at his numbers now, it's hard to believe anyone thought he should be in the Hall of Fame. I guess his best year was 1948, when he hit .297 (.395 OBP, .522 SLG) with 31 HR and 119 RBI. That was one of only two seasons where he had 100 RBIs, and one of three where he had more than 20 HRs. But he was a six-time All-Star and was a good fielder.

SS Butch Kirby: The only Butch I've found, minors or majors, to ever play any shortstop at all. In 289 minor league games, Kirby played 19 games at short, and that is apparently the Butch record. Sad, isn't it? His best year was '81, in the Rookie League for the Brewers; he hit .307 (.736 OPS). His career minor league numbers are atrocious (.246, .618) but I need a shortstop. Apparently there also was a professional bull rider named Butch Kirby in the 1980s; maybe he gave up baseball for rodeo?

LF Butch Nieman: Elmer Le Roy Nieman was an outfielder with the Boston Braves during World War II. His best year was probably his last one, when he hit .247 but with a .361 OBP and .478 SLG; he also had 14 HRs and 11 SBs, in just 247 ABs. If they had rotisserie baseball in '45 he would've been a great $1 player for somebody. When the war was over and the stars came back to the league, Nieman was sent back to the minors and never got another chance, even though he put up some Jack Cust-like numbers: he led the Western Association in HRs, RBIs and BBs for four straight years. Like many other Butches on this list, he also was a minor-league manager.

CF Butch Davis: Wallace McArthur Davis had a hell of a rookie year in '83, but then gave it all back the next season. Really! He had I think two of the most remarkable back-to-back years in MLB history: .344/.359/.508 in 122 AB, and then .147/.211/.224 in 116 AB. How can you be that good one year and that bad the next? After that, Davis would have to wait until '93 to get another chance, and it was pretty much right down the middle (.245/.273/.415). He's now a minor league instructor with the Baltimore Orioles, not the head coach of the University of North Carolina football team.

RF Butch Huskey: Robert Leon Huskey was aptly named -- they said he weighed 244 pounds but I think that was with only one foot on the scale. If your last name is Huskey you definitely don't want to get sent to fat camp, but that's what happened. At the time he was "a good 30 pounds" over 244. I remember in the early 1990s there was a big battle as to who would be the next great Met batter, Huskey or Carl Everett. Despite Butch's awesome name, I always rooted for Everett, because I have a soft spot for crazy people. Remember that famous Bob Murphy home run call when Everett hit one off the scoreboard at Shea? "Oh, how far will it go!" Anyway, I remember Huskey as a third baseman but the Mets gave up on that battle; he actually only had 64 games at third, compared to 342 in the outfield, 124 at first and 88 at DH, which was probably his best position. We'll stick him in right field, where he played the bulk (sorry) of his career. His best season was probably '97, when he hit .287 (.822 OPS) with 24 HR and 81 RBI in 471 AB.

DH Butch Hobson: Clell Lavern Hobson played for the Red Sox in the '70s; his best year was '77 (.265/.300/.489, 30 HR, 112 RBI). He was awful defensively and struck out a lot, but he could hit the long ball. He managed the Red Sox for three seasons, and then in the minors; unfortunately, you might remember him for getting arrested with cocaine while the manager of the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Red Barons. But he's back in baseball now, managing an independent league team.

BENCH:

C Butch Henline: Walter John Henline hit .324 with a .407 OBP for the Phillies in 1923 -- 37 walks against 33 strikeouts, in 330 at-bats. He liked to put the ball in play. He only had 14 HRs that year, but actually, that tied him for 8th, and with 3 more dingers he would've been tied for 3rd. After his playing days were over he became an umpire -- in the minors from 1939 to 1944, and in the majors from 1945 to 1948.

C Butch Sutcliffe: This guy's real name was Charles Inigo Sutcliffe. Inigo, how cool is that? Sutcliffe had just 4 at-bats (1 hit, 2 walks, 2 RBIs!) in 4 games in 1938. He also had three appearances at catcher and made two errors, so maybe he wasn't a great glove man. He was yet another guy who played for the N.L. team in Boston, then known as the Bees.

Why do so many guys named Butch get turned into catchers? There's five others who didn't make the cut: Butch Biela, Butch Benton, Butch Garcia, Butch O'Donnell and Butch Rementer. Biela, as far as I can determine, is the only active Butch in professional baseball. The 18-year-old hit .302 with a .408 OBP in 106 at-bats for the Pirates' Rookie Ball team this year. Go Butch go!

1B/3B/OF Butch Alberts: Francis Burt Alberts went 5-for-18 (with a double) in his only MLB season, 1978 with Toronto. He was a star player in college (University of Cincinnati) and a pretty good player in the minors -- he led the Texas League in batting with a .342 batting average in 1975 -- but he never really got a chance in the majors. Maybe it was the glasses.

1B Butch Kaufman: Butch Kaufman put up some monster numbers for Ashland University in 2002, hitting .400 (.990 OPS) in 150 ABs. Not sure what happened to him since, but I'm sure he'd sign up for this team. So much Butchness!

IF Butch Bellenger: Bellenger was an infielder in the Pirates organization in '96 and '97, never getting above A-ball; his minor league career numbers: .229 BA, .268 OBP, .316 SLG. Not good. But I needed a utility infielder, so he's in.

OF Butch Mierkowicz: Edward Frank Mierkowicz also was known as Mouse, which is a funny nickname for a guy who was 6-foot-4 in 1945. He played in four seasons but had just 63 at-bats (.175 BA, .494 OPS). He did win a World Series with the Tigers in 1945, appearing in one game but not getting up to the plate.

OF Butch Sanicki: Edward Robert Sanicki was a Jersey boy -- he went to Clifton High School and then Seton Hall University. He played briefly for the Phillies in '49 and '51, getting only 20 plate appearances total, but that was enough to set a major league record. Sanicki went 5-for-17, but with 1 2B and 3 HRs for a ridiculous .882 slugging percentage and .558 isolated power; that's the highest career SLG and ISO of any player with at least 20 plate appearances. His 1.251 OPS is the second highest behind the immortal Joe Peitz (1.262). He later returned to Clifton High School, where he was a special education teacher for 30 years.

OF Butch Will: Robert Lee Will played six seasons, all with the Cubs; his only full season was 1960, when he hit .255 (.694 OPS) with 20 2B and 6 HR in 475 AB. Oddly enough, he had 9 triples that year, and none in his other five seasons. He also stole just two bases (and was caught 6 times) in his career; how the hell did he hit 9 triples in 1960?

I don't need any more outfielders, but there's also Butch Simons and Butch Weis, and minor leaguers Butch Burrough and Butch Cole.

ROTATION:

SP Butch Wensloff: Charles William Wensloff had a big year as a rookie for the Yankees in 1943 (13-11, 2.54 ERA, 1.11 WHIP), but remember, all the star players were off winning the war. After that, Wensloff was drafted. He was back up again in '47 and had a decent year as a right-handed swingman (2.61 ERA, 1.22 WHIP in 5 starts, 6 relief appearances), pitched two scoreless relief innings to help the Yankees win the World Series, and then just one relief appearance in '48 and he was done.

SP Butch Henry: Floyd Bluford Henry was a left-handed pitcher in the 1990s; he played for six teams in a seven-year career. I remember him as a reliever for some reason, but he actually had more starts (91) than relief appearances (57). In fact, there was only one year where he was mostly a reliever, in '97, and even that year he had 5 starts. Every other year more than half his appearances were as a starter. Anyway, Henry's best season was '94, when he went 8-3 with 1 SV in 15 starts and 9 relief appearances; he had a 2.43 ERA and a 1.09 WHIP. He's now the manager of the El Paso Diablos.

SP Butch Sanders: Roy Garvin Sanders also went by the nickname Pepe. That's a combination you don't see a lot, "Call me Butch or Pepe." Anyway, the right-hander had a pretty good year in 1918 for the Pirates, going 7-9 with 1 SV (but a 2.60 ERA and 1.20 WHIP) in 14 starts and 14 relief appearances; his only other year in the bigs was with the Reds in 1917, when he went 0-1 in two starts (7 ER, 12 H, 16 BB in 14.0 IP -- ouch!)

SP Butch Edge: Claude Lee Edge was a right-handed starter with the Blue Jays in '79; he spent about six weeks in the majors and got nine starts, going 3-4. And the question is, how did he win three games? (5.23 ERA, 1.63 WHIP, 24 BB, 19 K in 51.2 IP) I think the coolest thing about him, other than his name of course, is that his Baseball-Reference page is sponsored by Edge Embossing. If I need any microfabrication integration, they are definitely getting a call from me.

BULLPEN:

RP Butch Metzger: Clarence Edward Metzger actually finished his career with the Mets. How cool is that? Considering the '78 Mets finished in dead last, do you think the front office was like, "What the hell, Metzger, Mets, maybe it will get us some headlines." The right-hander actually did have one really great year - he won the Rookie of the Year Award in '76, going 11-4 with 16 saves (2.92 ERA, 1.39 WHIP) in 77 games. That was pretty much it. He had 140 walks in 293.1 career innings, which isn't good.

RP Butch Baccala: Here's a mystery. Butch Baccala pitched just one game for the Low-A Phillies in 1983; he gave up 3 earned runs on 2 hits, 3 walks and 1 wild pitch in 3 innings. But he also struck out 6 guys. And then that's it... he's never heard from again. Did some lucky fan win a chance to pitch a few innings? Apparently he's now a scout for the Reds.

RP Butch Pucetas: This sounds like the name of a porn star... hard-core lesbian porn I guess. "And starring... Wendy 'Butch' Pucetas as the prison warden." Pucetas is a reliever at Furman College; he gave up 12 earned runs on 20 hits and 7 walks in 14.0 innings in 2007.

RP Butch Mills: This guy pitched in 11 games for the University of Maryland (Eastern Shore) in 2005, going 0-1 with a 13.80 ERA and a 2.93 WHIP. That's 23 ER, 25 H and 19 BB in 15.0 IP. Wow. Hey, I'm desperate for arms.

So, that's it, the All-Butch Team. I have to say it's not a very strong team. We only have eight pitchers and half of them suck. The offense isn't too good either. Well, maybe we won't win a lot of games, but at least we'll all know what to call each other.

Redskins lose, blame Taylor

2008-01-06T09:58:00.000-08:00

SEATTLE - As the Seahawks ran back their second fourth quarter interception for the coup d' grace touchdown, Clinton Portis stared up at the scoreboard at what would be the final score: 35-14.

"Twenty-one points," he said. "What a huge F-U from Sean Taylor."

Yes, just as the Redskins credited Taylor with four straight wins to propel them to the post-season, they also blamed him for their loss last night to the Seahawks.

Reached for comment in Heaven, Taylor's immortal soul just shrugged.

"Truthfully, up here? Football ain't no big thing," Taylor said, strumming a harp and adjusting his halo. "Actually I'd totally forgotten about the game. I was just chilling with Tupac and Mozart, smoking some blunts, and Mo was like, 'Yo, click over to the football game.'

"It was 13-0 and I was like, 'I can't be having this.' So I helped out a little, gave them two touchdowns in like two minutes, and set up Shaun (Suisham) for the game-winning figgie. I can't help it if he can't hit one from 30 yards out, man. I'm just a new angel up here, I don't have that kind of juice yet. Now, Moses? Three points, for sure. But he's more of a baseball fan."

Win some, lose some...

2007-12-31T12:28:00.000-08:00

Herm Edwards screws the Jets again!

The Jets tried their hardest to lose a stinker of a game on Sunday, but Herm, God bless 'em, tried harder. The Jets even had a holding penalty on the game-winning field goal to force a re-kick, and Herm calls a time-out to "ice the kicker"... as if Mike Nugent wasn't iced enough by celebrating a game-winning kick, only to be told he'd have to try it again from 10 yards further away.

If the Jets had lost yesterday, they'd be 3-13, tied with St. Louis for the league's second-worst record. That would have given them the third pick in the draft (because St. Louis had the same record, but against a weaker strength of schedule). Instead, they'll pick sixth. Dolphins, Rams, then a coin flip to determine Falcons-Raiders-Chiefs, then the Jets at No. 6. The Chiefs, if they had won, would have a coin flip to determine if they pick 7th or 8th, instead of 3rd, 4th or 5th.

The Jets have so many needs that they'll be able to get a useful player with the sixth pick, but still, you have to wonder if Eric Mangini didn't tell Nugent during the time out, "You know, wide right sounds pretty good right now..."

I really don't follow college football so I don't know who will be there at No. 3 and who will be there at No. 6.

Looking at various mock drafts, the No. 1 pick is almost always DT Glenn Dorsey from LSU; the second pick is usually RB Darren McFadden from Arkansas; and the third pick is often OT Jake Long from USC. After those three, there's Howie Long's kid (DE Chris Long of Virginia), a couple QBs (Brian Brohm, Matt Ryan) and a couple OTs (Sam Baker, Ryan Clady). Obviously you can get a very good or even a great player at the No. 6 pick, but it seems the drop-off in talent happens right after the third pick.

It's just bad luck that the Jets are picking third rather than sixth. I mean, you can't lose on purpose... right, Herm?

Well, that sucked

2007-12-24T06:20:00.000-08:00

Last year, the Packers beat the Bears on New Year's Eve and I felt good about it. Yesterday, the Bears beat the Packers and I don't feel bad about it.

Last year's win was meaningless in the big scheme of things -- no matter what happened, the Bears had clinched the No. 1 seed in the NFC, and the Packers had been eliminated from the post-season. But at the time we all thought it was Brett Favre's last game, so it was nice to see him go out a winner. It was nice to finish the season 8-8. And it is always nice to beat the Bears.

Yesterday's loss actually did matter, or at least, could matter. The loss means the Packers can't catch the Cowboys for the No. 1 seed, so if they make it to the NFC Championship game, we'll have to face them in Dallas. Ugh. Of course I'd rather be the No. 1 seed, but at least we now know we can rest everybody next week and we still get the bye. So while I'm not happy we lost, I'm not crying about it either. The Bear fans can celebrate their sweep of the Packers while we're preparing for the playoffs.

Speaking of which... As it stands now, the No. 6 seed will be the Redskins if they beat the Cowboys next week. If they lose, the Vikings are in with a win over Denver. If both lose and the Saints win, New Orleans is in -- but if all three lose, the Redskins are in.

The Giants have locked up the No. 5 seed, the Bucs are the No. 4 seed and Seattle is No. 3. So the sixth-place team -- let's say the Redskins -- will play the Seahawks, while Tampa Bay plays the Giants. If the favorites win, we get to welcome home Mike Holmgren while the Bucs get the Cowboys. Now that they're out of the Packers' division, I don't know much about the Bucs these days, but I'll be cheering like hell for them next month. Jeff Garcia to Joey Galloway! Hoo baby.

I don't care about George Mitchell

2007-12-17T09:55:00.000-08:00

I don't care about George Mitchell. I don't care about the Mitchell Report (PDF Download). I don't care about steroids and I don't care who used them and when. I don't care that Andy Pettitte used HGH and I don't care that Brendan Donnelly hasn't slept since the report's release. I don't care.

There really isn't anything I am going to hear that will surprise me when it comes to performance enhancing drugs. I know doping happens. I know it is widespread and I am certain it will continue. There is too much at stake for it not to. The middling player will always try to gain an advantage to get ahead. This is why a LOT of the names linked to doping are guys you probably aren't familiar with unless you follow baseball very closely. They are guys that were clawing and scratching for any advantage they could find to either make the big leagues or stay in the big leagues.

Why?

It is really a very simple equation and can be traced very neatly back to the basic economic principle of supply and demand. Each major league baseball team has 25 major league roster spots and that is all. In order to qualify for one of these roster spots you have to be special. You have to be able to throw the ball faster than 99.9% of the global population or hit a ball harder than 99.9% of the global population or be faster, or throw farther, or be able to strike out a left handed batter in a crucial spot with your crafty veteran guile. You have to be special. Many players who make the major leagues have done very little but play baseball their entire lives. When finally reaching the pinnacle of their life's work it is very possible they will find they cannot cut it at the highest level. Then what happens? Desperation. Desperate people clinging to dreams of greatness or aging greats clinging to their years of glory will take whatever measures they can, legal or otherwise to stay in the game.

In some ways it is sad to see. In some ways it is the inevitable spawn of a business that takes in billions in revenue every year. Money drives behavior in our world and a lot of that behavior isn't good.

I also hate the hypocrisy that is found between baseball and football. Football has always had a "If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'," attitude towards performance enhancers. Baseball is supposed to be above the same kind of behavior? Kind of a silly argument. I don't remember ever seeing Paul Tagliabue or Roger Goodell in front of a congressional subcommittee.

All that was achieved by the Mitchell Report was to catalog something that isn't terribly important and the report truly changes nothing. I was a huge baseball fan before the Mitchell Report, I am a huge baseball fan now, and I will be a huge baseball fan in the future. I believe most baseball fans would say the same.

D. Isaac

Thank you Philadelphia!

2007-12-16T19:33:00.000-08:00

For the first time since 4th and 26, I can enjoy Philadelphia Cream Cheese again.

The Eagles pulled off the upset and beat the Cowboys today, and that, coupled with the Packers beating the Rams, ties the two top teams in the NFC at 12-2. Today's win clinched a first-round bye for the Pack; the Cowboys loss means we still have a shot at home-field throughout.

Yeah, by virtue of their ref-aided win against the Pack, the Cowboys have the tiebreaker, so they control their own destiny. We play at the Bears and home against the Lions, while they're at Carolina (on Saturday night) and at Washington.

We shouldn't need any motivation for a game against the Bears, but the Packers should come out flying after they beat us at Lambeau earlier this year. And imagine how fired up the Packers will be on Sunday afternoon if the Cowboys lose against the Panthers the night before?

The good news is we have a shot at home field throughout, which, after watching the debacle in Texas Stadium a couple weeks ago, can't be underestimated. The bad news is we can't rest anybody next week. But hey, that's what the bye week is for.

Despite the final score (33-14) and the accolades for Brett Favre breaking Dan Marino's yardage record, this game was pretty close until about midway through the third quarter, when Favre hit Greg Jennings for a big TD to make it 27-14.

Steven Jackson had a huge game. A couple times I did the fist pump after seeing him get tackled after "only" five or six yards. Marc Bulger also had a better game than it would look in the boxscore, as both his INTs to Atari Bigby were flukey tipped balls. Don't get me wrong, the Packers should have won the game, but it wasn't your usual 33-14 laugher.

So onto next week. Bring on the Bears!

Better luck next time?

2007-11-30T05:33:00.000-08:00

I and every true Packer fan woke up this morning with a sore right elbow. Sympathy pains for Brett Favre? Yes, but mostly from throwing the remote at the referees on TV. I'm going to spend the next hour watching Animal Planet and rooting against the zebras.

I can't completely blame the refs, nor the injuries - Favre, Charles Woodson, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila - but obviously both were factors. The game-calling in those first 20 minutes was atrocious, especially when you see how well the dinking-and-dunking was working later in the game. And why did we decide we couldn't run against the Cowboys, even when they were dropping five guys back into coverage? Every play-action, Ryan Grant runs untouched while Favre heaves into double coverage. It didn't make any sense. Not going for it on fourth-and-inches in the fourth quarter also was a dumb call. Yeah, Mason Crosby kicked the figgie and we needed two scores, but I would've gone for it.

But the refs blew three huge calls. Al Harris stripping the ball from Terrell Owens, but no, it was uh... huh. The horrible spot in the fourth quarter that led to the field goal - it appeared Grant had the first down. And the ridiculous pass interference call when Miles Austin whined and whined until a flag came out 30 seconds - literally, if you didn't see the game - after the play ended. All were terrible calls. If just one of them goes our way, maybe the outcome is different.

I guess the news with Favre is as good as we could have hoped - he expects to be back for their next game, which isn't until Dec. 9. As for Woodson and KGB, I expected them to play last night, so who knows.

Worst of all it almost guarantees we'll be back in Dallas for the NFC championship. We have four games left - home against Oakland, at St. Louis, at Chicago, home against Detroit. We could (should?) go 4-0 against that slate, which leaves us at 14-2. But the Cowboys are at Detroit, home against Philadelphia, at Carolina, at Washington. They too could run the table. But maybe they lose one - that still leaves us tied, with the Cowboys holding the tiebreaker. So we need to win out and have the Cowboys go 2-2. Possible, but not probable.

I guess I have to be a Lions fan next week...

Wow, two lions videos in one post. Maybe it's a good sign for Detroit!

Will the status quo be good enough?

2007-11-25T10:39:00.001-08:00

The Yankees are putting the band back together.

I was hoping for two out of the big three - Alex Rodriguez, Mariano Rivera and Jorge Posada - and they got all three. And Andy Pettitte is still flirting with retirement, but he might be back, too. For all the talk after the Cleveland series about the end of the dynasty (which has been pronounced "ended" every year since 2001), the 2008 Yankees may be the same team as the 2007 Yankees.

Guys like Steve Phillips like to say that's not good enough. The Yankees can't be as good as they were last year -- they have to be better. Because, after all, they didn't win the World Series last year, so they have to try to be better, right? (Yes, these are the same guys who say every year that the Yankees are stupid for thinking they can win the World Series every year.)

But which 2007 Yankees will these 2008 Yankees be? The first half of 2007, when their Opening Day starter was Carl Pavano, and when the rest of the rotation was whoever could make the next train from Scranton?

Apparently Phillips thinks the Yankees will tie the Major League record they set last year by using 10 different starters (six of them rookies) in their first 30 games.

Let's remember: At the end of May, 22-29. At the end of September, 94-68. That's 72-39 -- a .649 winning percentage. Over a full season, that's 105 wins.

The same team, but with a better manager, a full year of Joba and Hughes, and a reasonable, non-record setting number of injuries? I'll take the status quo.

All I ask is a decent lefty in the 'pen... and better bug spray.

Posada's Pay-Day

2007-11-13T10:59:00.000-08:00

You'd be smiling too, if you just got a $13.1 million a year contract.

Yes, following the 2010 season, this may look like a lousy deal. But I think the Yankees did what they had to do to re-sign Jorge Posada, closing what would have been a far bigger hole than the one at third base.

It's true that we won't be able to find a third baseman with 54 home runs, 156 runs batted in and a 1.067 OPS -- or even one with 35 HRs, 139 RBIs and a .915 OPS, what Alex Rodriguez did in his "off year" of 2006. But the drop-off from A-Rod to whoever plays third for the Yankees, even if it's a worst-case-scenario platoon of Wilson Betemit and Aaron Bleeping Boone, won't be as ugly as the drop from Posada to Jason LaRue or Damian Miller or Yorvit Torrealba. Now that Posada's off the market, the best option available is arguably Paul Lo Duca, who hit .272 but with a ridiculously empty .689 OPS, or maybe Michael Barrett, who hit .244 with a .653, but is a guy a smart organization would target with a one-year make-good contract. After that it's all guys who should be back-ups.

Posada isn't a great defensive catcher. Over the years, he's improved when it comes to throwing out baserunners -- from awful to below average -- and for a lot of people, that's the only factor they consider when it comes to evaluating a catcher's defense. But Jorge allows a lot of passed balls -- 13 in 1111.3 innings last year. On the ESPN leader board, that's the fourth-most in the majors. That doesn't count all the wild pitches that are charged to the pitcher but that an average catcher probably could have blocked. And when you watch a Yankee game, what's even more frustrating are the pitches that simply pop out of his glove. The ball doesn't get far enough away for the runner to advance, or there's no one on base anyway, so it doesn't go down as a passed ball. But how often is an umpire going to give you a strike if the catcher drops the ball?

All that said, here's a catcher coming off a career year -- .338 BA, .426 OBP, .543 SLG -- in a very weak market for free agent catchers. To quote Teddy KGB, "Pay that man his money."

Jorge isn't likely to put up those numbers again, so what's a reasonable projection for next year? How about he hits .262 with a .782 OPS, which is what he did in 2005 -- his worst numbers since '99, when he was still sharing the job with his new manager. That seems like a reasonable expectation for a minimum level of production for the next two or three years.

That's 100 more points in OPS than you'll get from any other catcher on the market. And 100 points in OPS makes up for a lot of passed balls.

Donnie Baseball or Joltin' Joe Girardi-O?

2007-10-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

The New York Daily News and Sports Illustrated's Jon Heyman reported today that Joe Girardi will be the next Yankee manager.

I don't buy it.

I think it will be Don Mattingly. And more than that, I think it should be Mattingly. Or at least, shouldn't be Girardi.

The Daily News had this lovely little chart today with the pros and cons for each managerial candidate -- Girardi, Mattingly and Tony Pena, who, let's face it, was there just to fulfill the MLB requirement that you speak to a minority. (After Pena interviewed, the headline on the back of the New York Post should have been: "The Token Has Spoken.")

Anyway, so here's this chart that was in the Daily News today:

I don't think you can disagree with the idea that, when it comes to the '08 Yankees, the most important category out of those four is "handling of pitching staff." Phil Hughes, Joba Chamberlain and Ian Kennedy are three terrific young arms, and Chien-Ming Wang has to get straightened out. After 12 years of watching Torre falling asleep in the dugout, "Game strategy/decision-making" is obviously not a priority with this team. I don't think either "Communication with players" or "Relationship with front office" will be a problem with either guy.

So, if I was advising the Yankees, my priority would be getting a guy who knows how to handle a pitching staff. And, according to the Daily News article, that's one of Brian Cashman's top priorities, too. Good, so we're all on the same page.

But why does Girardi get four checkmarks for handling the pitching staff? "Because he used to be a catcher, and catchers know how to handle pitchers." Really? Joe Torre used to be a catcher, how were his pitcher handling skills?

I have three reasons why Girardi shouldn't get any positive marks for handling the pitching staff: Josh Johnson, Anibal Sanchez and Dontrelle Willis.

Johnson was probably the reason Girardi got fired. Girardi brought Johnson back into a game after an 82-minute rain delay and right after that, he hurt his arm. Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria blamed the injury on Johnson pitching after the rain delay. Is he right? Who knows. But if Girardi does the same thing to Joba or Hughes and he gets hurt, will we still be patting him on the back for his great handling of a pitching staff?

And then there's Sanchez. Marlins fans blamed Girardi for Sanchez's injury as well. Sanchez threw 76.1 innings in Single A in 2004, 136 innings between Single A and Double-A in '2005, and then 200 innings between Double-A and the majors in 2006. That includes 114.1 innings in the majors in '06, including six starts in September totaling 43 innings, including two complete games (one of them a no-hitter), and two starts after hurting his hand trying to barehand a comebacker. More evidence of Joe's careful use of young pitching talent?

I really can't fault Girardi for riding Sanchez and Johnson through July and August, as they were realistically in the Wild Card hunt. But by mid-September they were basically out of it.

As for Dontrelle, I don't know what's wrong with this guy. And apparently Girardi doesn't either.

YEAR ERA WHIP K/9 BB/9 K:BB HR/9 IP 2003 3.30 1.28 7.9 3.2 2.4 0.7 160.2 2004 4.02 1.38 6.3 2.8 2.3 0.9 197.0 2005 2.63 1.13 6.5 2.1 3.1 0.4 236.1 2006 3.87 1.42 6.4 3.3 1.9 0.8 223.1 2007 5.17 1.60 6.4 3.8 1.7 1.3 205.1

It doesn't look to me like Girardi, in '06, figured out the key to Dontrelle. Maybe '04 and '06 represent his true ability level and '03 and '05 are the upper limit on his ability. But if Girardi is so good with pitchers, shouldn't he be getting those upper limit results?

Again, where's the evidence Joe has a knack for working with pitchers?

Given his track record, does Girardi really deserve four out of five checks for pitching staff?

And if Girardi isn't good at handling pitchers, what's the point?

This sounds crazy but... I think the Royals might know what they're doing!

2007-10-21T09:49:00.001-07:00

Until a man reaches, say, 35, we all hide this sneaking suspicion that we have some undiscovered talent for baseball.

For those of us who never picked up a glove or bat after our Little League days were over, we wonder: What would have happened if we had stuck with it? Maybe we could hit triple digits on a radar gun, or pick up the "red dot" of a slider. It's not like those are abilities that you find a use for in every day life. How would we know if we had them?

Or, even if we had played a little high school or even college ball, you can still convince yourself it'd all be different with just one little change somewhere. A coach makes a slight adjustment to your swing and suddenly you're Rod Carew. Or they draft you as an emergency reliever during a blow-out and see the erratic arm you displayed in outfield is a naturally sinking fastball when you're on the mound. Someone pushes you a little bit harder or not quite as much or whatever, and just like that, you would've been in Yankee Stadium.

It's a nice fantasy, until you reach the age when you can't get out of bed without everything hurting, and then you have to face the fact that, even if you were blessed with some hidden ability, it will remain buried somewhere between your pot belly and your love handles.

At that point, you stop fantasizing that you could be a professional baseball player. And then you begin fantasizing that you could run a professional baseball team.

Naturally, we'd all love to marry Jennifer Steinbrenner and take over the Yankees, but even in a fantasy, you have to be a little realistic. But hey, how about the Devil Rays? The Pirates? The Royals? Do the guys running those teams really know more about baseball than you or I? Probably -- not that you'd know it from the results.

So let's fantasize. Let's pretend the owner of one of those hopeless, hapless teams reads your blog and says, "You think you're so smart, young man? You can run my team. Good luck."

What would you do? And you can't just say you'd "sign Alex Rodriguez" or "trade some prospects for Brandon Webb." We're trying to be realistic here. A-Rod? You're the general manager of a small-market team with a tight-fisted owner. Webb? Sorry, you can't use the Jedi Mind Trick on your fellow GMs.

OK, so... how do you turn around a terrible franchise -- without spending a lot of money -- before your owner loses confidence and fires you?

I can think of two ways to do it. The first method, the conventional strategy, is to promote everybody from your farm system and hope for the best. Yes, we'll lose a lot of games at first, and along the way probably burn out a few guys who weren't really ready for The Show. But if we get lucky, maybe by the end of the second or third year, we'll have the core of a decent team, and then -- maybe -- we can convince the owner to splurge on some free agents and make a run at a pennant or two before we have to start over.

The advantage here is that it's safe. If it doesn't work, it's not your fault -- it's because your owner is too cheap, your farm system is too weak, your division is too good. You get fired after three or four years because you never made it to .500, but even so, you'll be credited with "developing" the half-dozen or so players who pan out as genuine Major Leaguers, even an All-Star or two. And people will say, "If only he had some payroll to work with, he'd be a good general manager." And you get another job in another front office.

But if it works, you're a genius -- you rebuilt a franchise from the ground up!

The first year you lose 100 games, but the next year you shock everybody and win 80. Your owner opens his wallet and says go get some free agents. Year 3, you almost win the Wild Card! And then, finally, the fourth year, it all comes together, the home-grown talent and high-priced free agents, you win the World Series! You quit and get hired by a real team, and the next sucker inherits a team about to lose all its young players to arbitration and saddled with all the overpriced contracts you signed the year before.

The second method, the Moneyball strategy, is to identify and sign undervalued players. The advantage, provided you're good at the identifying part, is that you can be reasonably competitive right away.

But remember, despite what John Sterling thinks, Moneyball is not a 200-page lecture on the importance of on-base percentage at the expense of all other considerations. Moneyball is about spotting undervalued commodities. And now that everybody is down with O-B-P (yeah you know me!), you have to dig a little deeper to identify guys who are cheap but good: Washed-up All-Stars who can still contribute in platoon roles or off the bench; catchers and middle infielders who can no longer field, but can still hit; guys coming off scary injuries or struggling with weight problems. Sign former prospects who never made it and guys you never heard of who lit up the Mexican League or Frontier League. Offer low-ball one-year contracts to the headcases, the malcontents and the cancers in the clubhouse and tell them it's their big chance to shove it to the other guys. Use the Rule 5 draft wisely -- while everyone else is fighting over the pitchers with incredible stuff but can't throw strikes, claim low-cost solutions for your bullpen and bench. And promote from within, but carefully, making sure no one arrives as a savior or is thrown in as cannon fodder.

The problem with this strategy is, at least at first, you will look like an idiot. Nobody else wanted those guys for a reason. Your first deal is to give up a no-name minor leaguer for Michael Barrett and cash, and on ESPN they make jokes about your pitchers needing to take boxing lessons in case he wants to fight them in the dugout. You sign Jon Lieber to a bargain-basement one-year contract, and some a-hole blogger like me opines maybe you didn't know he missed half the season with an injury. You buy Victor Rodriguez from the Newark Bears and sports talk radio callers say, "Real teams get A-Rod -- we get V-Rod!" You claim Tomokazu Ohka off the scrap heap and convert him to a reliever, and sportswriters ask why you think a guy who can't get people out at the beginning of a game will be able to get them out at the end.

If it doesn't work out -- let's say Barrett punches out Lieber, causing him to miss the rest of the season, while the only guy Ohka can get out is V-Rod -- and you've just proven that all those people are smarter than you. Instead of making it to your third or fourth season, you get fired midway through your second year. And executives in other front offices won't even look at your resume. You can't even apply for a job outside of baseball without some human resources guy saying, "Hey, you're that guy who wasted all that money on Joey Eischen, right?" Well, actually, it was a league-minimum contract and- "Joey Eischen! What the hell were you thinking?"

And even if at first it does work out? It may not look like a success to the outside world. Remember, you're trying to be rebuild a franchise -- the goal is to be competitive for the next decade, not just this year -- and that may mean taking one step back in order to take two forward. Not everyone will like that.

Let's say a couple of the veterans on short-term contracts make good: At the end of June, Barrett hasn't punched anybody and is hitting .300 with an .800 OPS; you trade him for a top catching prospect and now they're howling on sports talk radio. "Our only good hitter and he trades him for some minor leaguer!" Ohka is pitching lights out in the middle innings, and Peter Gammons wonders why you won't use him to replace a struggling rookie in the rotation. "What's the point of having a good reliever if you never have a lead?" All the sportswriters in your town want you to call up some kid who is crushing the ball in Double-A, but you won't do it after hearing he's afraid to leave his hotel room on road trips. "Why won't they promote this guy and let him get some experience?"

So obviously, while the second strategy is a lot riskier, I think it's the right way to go. And more and more, I'm convinced it's what the Royals are doing.

Despite having finished last in the A.L. Central for the fourth straight year, and despite posting just one winning record (83-79 in 2003) since the strike-shortened '94 season -- hell, they haven't been to the post-season since winning the World Series in '85 -- I think GM Dayton Moore is moving the Royals in the right direction. They didn't panic when Alex Gordon was hitting .185 after his first two months in the majors; he hit .275 the rest of the way. They didn't rush good-hit, no-field prospect Billy Butler to the majors and force him into the outfield; instead, they waited for Mike Sweeney's inevitable injury so he could ease in as a DH. They took cheap fliers on no-names like Joakim Soria and has-beens like Brandon Duckworth. They signed Octavio Dotel, let him pick up some saves and then shipped him off to the Braves. They turned Ambiorix Burgos into Brian Bannister and J.P. Howell into Joey Gathright. I thought signing Gil Meche was insanity and the guy posts a 3.67 ERA and 1.296 WHIP.

I really like that he hired former Yankee minor league manager Trey Hillman. I don't know much about Hillman, but I'm sure, after 12 years as a manager from the New York Penn League to Triple A, he knows how to handle young players. He also led the Nippon Ham Fighters to the playoffs in three out of his five seasons and won the Japan Series last year.

So, as I said, I don't know much about Hillman. Why, then, do I think he's a smart hire? Because he's not Larry Bowa or Lee Mazzilli or any of the other re-treads they could have hired. He's not the safe choice. They could have hired Jamie Quirk (or any other random Royal from the mid-70s to mid-80s) and made a lot of people in Kansas City happy, and if it didn't work out, no one would blame Moore. Instead, he went out and found a smart guy who is liked by smart people.

Ordinarily, as a Yankee fan, I wouldn't give a shit either way about what the Royals are doing. It's not that I hate them; it's just been about 20 years since I've had to worry about them. (To quote Scrubs, "I don't hate you. I nothing you.") So, speaking as an objective observer, I think they're making the right moves and heading in the right direction. Rebuilding the right way isn't easy -- it's a long, slow, painful process. But I think they're doing it right. Next year they might be flirting with .500; the year after that, maybe even a Central Division title. If they pull it off, remember you read it here first.

If they don't... blame Dayton Moore. What an idiot!

Welcome to the 2007 New York Jets

2007-10-15T07:57:00.000-07:00

Top 10 things overheard while watching the Jets this season:

10. "That pass was woefully underthrown." (Woefully Underthrown is also the subtitle fo the 2007 NFL films Jets video)

9. "Are there 5 teams in the NFL with worse quarterbacks than Chad Pennington?"

8."Vinny Testaverde won a game in the NFL today, how did we not resign him?"

7. "Truly terrible... that pass was truly terrible"

6. "Good f-ing G-d he is going to get Coles and Cotchery killed before this game is over."

5. "Mangenious? More like Mangina."

4. "How do they NOT start Kellen Clemens next week?" (repeated at the end of every game)

3. "Doesn't matter if we get the first overall pick. This is the Jets, you know whoever they pick is going to suck."

2. "Pennington's mind is writing checks his arm can't cash"

1. "Kind of makes you miss Ken O'Brien"

OK, that didn't work

2007-10-09T07:32:00.000-07:00

Four months 'til pitchers and catchers report!

That sucked. Chien-Ming Wang gave up 4 runs on 5 hits and couldn't get an out in the second inning, forcing a switch to Mike Mussina. And while Moose wasn't great (2 ER, 4 H, 4 BB in 4.2 IP, plus he allowed two of Wang's inherited runners to score), he kept the score reasonable. The final score, 6-4, makes it look like it was a nailbiter, but it really wasn't. It was a frustrating, slow, agonizing game. The Yankees had 12 hits, including three home runs and a double, plus 3 walks, but left 10 men on base. Bleh.

Derek Jeter went 2-for-5 with an RBI, but killed us in the bottom of the 6th, grounding into a 4-6-3 double play. The Yankees had runners on the corners and one out; just a fly ball would've made it a three-run game with three innings yet to play. Alex Rodriguez also went 2-for-5 with an RBI (a solo home run in the 7th), but he also came up empty in a big spot, striking out with two on and one out in the bottom of the 1st.

The Yankees teased you a little bit in the bottom of the 9th, as the Indians went to Joe Borowski. After Jeter popped out, Bobby Abreu hit a shot into the upper deck to make it 6-4. "A bloop and a blast" as John Sterling says, incessantly. But no bloops were to be had. A-Rod flew out to right, and then it all came down to Jorge Posada, who in any other year would be every Yankee fan's MVP candidate. Posada drove one down the right field line and Sterling gave us a classic "It is high! It is far! It is... foul!" Then Posada struck out swinging to end it.

Inning over... game over... American League Division Series over... the Indians win, the Indians win.

There's plenty of blame to go around. The list is shorter of guys you can't blame: Robinson Cano (.333, 1.175 OPS), Johnny Damon (.278, .927) and Bobby Abreu (.267, .886), and Andy Pettitte (0 ER, 7 H, 2 BB, 5 K in 6.1 IP), Phil Hughes (1 ER, 3 H, 0 BB, 6 K in 5.2 IP) and Mariano Rivera (0 ER, 2 H, 1 BB, 6 K in 4.2 IP). You can add Moose in there if you want. Joba Chamberlain has ugly numbers (2 ER, 3 H, 3 BB, 4 K in 3.2 IP) but he deserves a pass as all the damage happened in the freakish bug bowl of Game 2 and in his second inning in Game 3, when the game was already won.

So, who's the goat? The two obvious candidates, as always, are A-Rod and Torre.

Blame A-Rod! He didn't come through in the clutch in a couple big spots. But his overall line isn't bad (.267, .820), and considering how much worse some of the other hitters are, it's a real stretch to blame him. Yankee haters always have something to say about Rodriguez -- no matter what he does, they try to talk about him. If he has a horrible night, they kill A-Rod; if he has a great night, they kill Yankee fans for not loving A-Rod enough. But for this particular series anyway, there's just not that much to say. He got some hits, and he made some outs. He's not the story, but some people will try to make him the story anyway.

The rest of the lineup? The Yankees collectively hit .228 and stranded all those runners on base, so let's blame the batters. But which one? Melky Cabrera hit just .188 but he did have the only big hit against Fausto Carmona, and he was great in the field. Matsui had only 2 hits in 11 at-bats, but he also drew 5 walks, so who's going to fault a .438 OBP. Doug Mientkiewicz went 0-for-6 but if you're relying on Minky for offense, you're doomed. Jason Giambi only had 1 hit, but he also had just 4 ABs.

No, if you're going to blame a batter, it's got to be Jeter or Posada. After having great regular seasons, each was really awful in the playoffs. Jeter went 3-for-17 with 3 GIDPs and probably should have been charged with an error in Game 3, but the Yankees won that game anyway. Posada went 2-for-15 and was charged with one passed ball and probably deserved another that went down as a wild pitch to Joba. But you might have a hard time finding a Yankee fan willing to pin anything on either Derek or Georgie, who are not just True Yankees, but were two-thirds of the foundation of the 1996-2001 dynasty.

Blame Torre! Sure, why not? Maybe he could have pulled Wang earlier in Game 1, after the 4th inning, when the Yankees were down 4-3 and had just missed an opportunity to regain the lead (bases loaded, one out, no runs). Maybe he could have delayed Game 2 long enough for the bugs to disperse, or switch to a less tasty reliever. Or I can be a total hypocrite and say he was wrong for starting Wang in Game 4. Hey, I didn't want to bring him back last year so I'm certainly not advocating he be brought back for next year, but in this series, I don't think you can blame Torre.

And how can you fault Torre for how he handled Wang, but not Wang himself? I'm not sure if he's hurt or wore down or if the Indians just had his number, but Wang looked flat-out awful out there. Hell, the Yankee team ERA with Wang was 5.89, without him was 3.48. The Indians team ERA in the series was 3.41. Wang's pre- and post-All-Star break numbers suggest something happened over the second half (3.36 ERA, 1.20 WHIP vs 4.07 ERA, 1.40 WHIP). But again, Wang, as a True Yankee, might not catch a lot of flak. You can try to blame Roger Clemens (3 ER, 4 H, 2 BB, 1 K in 2.1 IP), but the Yankees won that game anyway. Luis Vizcaino blew Game 2, but how do you blame him and not Joba? Ross Ohlendorff coughed up some big runs in Game 1, but again, you can't blame him but not Wang.

The bottom line: Ah, what the fuck. Blame A-Rod and Torre anyway. They won't be here next year.

Well, I think this is good news...

2007-10-08T09:20:00.000-07:00

Joe Torre announced after last night's win that today's starter would be Chien-Ming Wang on three days' rest and not Mike Mussina. If we get to a Game 5, Andy Pettitte will be able to pitch on full rest (because of the day off tomorrow).

Torre was criticized last year for not trying this during the Detroit series. In Game 1, Wang was good but not great -- he gave up 3 runs on 8 hits and a walk -- but the Yankees won, 8-4.

Four days later, the Yankees were down 2 games to 1 and at Comerica Park, and there was talk of bringing back Wang on three days' rest. Wang had thrown 93 pitches in 6.2 innings, so it wasn't out of the question that he could come back. Once again, there would be a travel day between Games 4 and 5, so the Game 2 starter -- Mussina, coincidentally -- would be available on the normal four days rest to pitch the final game, if the Yankees got there.

Only Joe knows why, but this was dismissed as a possibility and instead we relied on the trusty arm of Jaret Wright to carry us through Game 4. Nice. Wright was pounded for 4 runs on 5 hits (2 home runs) in just 2.2 innings, and that's all she wrote.

Torre and his defenders (particularly Suzyn Waldman) are big on the "but then who" argument whenever you talk about doing anything unJoe-like. When the Yankees lose a tie game on the road after he trots out Ron Villone to pitch the bottom of the 9th, if you ask Joe, hey, maybe Mariano Rivera could have pitched there, he'll ask: "But then who pitches the bottom of the 10th?" Huh. Well, now that you mention it, yeah, Villone solved that problem for us by blowing the game in the bottom of the 9th.

Of course he can't admit it, but I'm thinking last year Torre was already thinking about the next series, which of course you can never do. He figured, "I can use Wang in Game 4 and Mussina in Game 5, but then who pitches Game 1?" So he figured he'd patch through Game 4 with Wright and Cory Lidle, and that went as well as could be expected.

The difference is, this post-season, Torre is managing with a gun to his head -- literally, if they take my advice -- and that's why he was so quick to pull Roger Clemens, why he burned up Joba Chamberlain for 2 innings, why he used Mariano Rivera with a 4-run lead, why he benched Mussina today for Wang. He's managing like a guy who understands that, in an elimination game, you don't have to worry about tomorrow until you get there. Survive and move on, as they say in the NCAAs.

Despite the fact that Wang got pounded by the Indians in Game 1, I'm confident we'll get a better performance this time. There's that whole "tired is better for sinkerballers" argument, which, who knows if it's true or not. Wang hasn't pitched on three days' rest this year (or last year), so it's hard to reasonably make that argument.

But more importantly, Wang was a lot better at home (10-4, 2.75 ERA, 1.13 WHIP) than on the road (9-3, 4.91, 1.50 WHIP), so I'd rather start him on short rest at Yankee Stadium tonight. And it also works for Game 5 -- Pettitte, somewhat surprisingly for a lefty, is actually slightly worse at Yankee Stadium (8-4, 4.17, 1.44) than on the road (7-5, 3.95, 1.41).

This makes sense all around. So much so, that I'm surprised Joe thought of it. The barrel of a .45 pressed firmly against his temple may have had something to do with it.

See what a little motivation can do?

One thing to watch out for -- Joe loves to prove to his guys that they're still "his guys." If Wang can't get us to the 7th inning, expect to see Mussina.

The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat

2007-10-08T00:55:00.000-07:00

As one of those rare Yankee/Packer fan hybrids -- what can I say, I like teams that won a lot before I was born -- it was a mixed night for me.

The Yankees won, of course, to stave off elimination and play at least one more game in 2007. That was good.

The Packers, of course, blew a 10-point lead to lose to the hated Bears to ruin their perfect season.

I know a guy from Philadelphia, so naturally he is both a Phillies fan and an Eagles fan. Last Monday, I asked him if he was up (from the Phillies making the post-season) or down (from the Eagles losing to the Giants).

He thought about it for a little bit, then started trying to rationalize that he was up, but then he just sighed. "Goddamn it! Couldn't they have given me just one day to enjoy the moment?!"

I know a little better now where he was coming from, but I'm up, I'm up. If you told me in July that the Packers would be 4-1 and the Yankees would be in the post-season, I'd be a happy camper.

The Packers lost the type of game they'd been winning the first four games of the season. All the lucky breaks they got to get to 4-0 were here tonight -- for the Bears. Charles Woodson fumbles a punt and it bounces right into the hands of the punter, of all people, and he grabs it just before he slides out of bounds. Brett Favre does some kind of crazy no-look pass and throws it right into the arms of Brian Urlacher. The Bears go up on a touchdown pass that is caught out of bounds, but the officials rule it a push-out and, for god knows why, that's not a reviewable play. And speaking of reviewable plays, Mike McCarthy throws the red flag to challenge a spot, wins the challenge... or not. The announcers never seemed to figure this out. All I know is the officials picked up the ball and moved it back, which sounds like you won the challenge, right? But they didn't move it back far enough for it not to be a first down, so apparently he lost the challenge. In other words, yes, we made a mistake, but no, we didn't.

And then on top of the five turnovers, all those penalties -- 93 yards in penalties, and at killer times too. The Packers racked up 150 more yards of offense, but all for naught.

But at the end of the game, if Donald Driver jumps an inch higher, it's all tied up.

Yeah, so we could be 5-0, but then we could have just as easily lost the Eagles game or even the Giants game, and be 2-3. We're a good but not great team -- a better team than the Bears, but not tonight. Next week we're home against a 3-1 Redskins team that just beat the holy hell out of the Lions. We'll see which was the fluke, the first four or the last one.

As for the Yankees, win tomorrow and send the series back to Cleveland -- where the forecast for Wednesday night is high 50s and rain, not exactly good conditions for midges. Win tomorrow and try again with Chien-Ming Wang against C.C. Sabathia. Hopefully Wang will figure out whatever was wrong with him in Game 1, and hopefully the Yankee batters can figure out why they couldn't put away Sabathia, a guy we had on the ropes more than Rocky Balboa against Clubber Lang.

But unfortunately it was Rocky/Clubber II. Just like Clubber we kept going for the big knock-out punch but swinging and missing.

Before we can start thinking about Wednesday, we have to win tomorrow, and even with Paul Byrd pitching, it won't be easy. We won't have Phil Hughes (3.2 innings, 63 pitches) or Joba Chamberlain (2.0 innings, 38 pitches), which means the bullpen is going to be short-handed tomorrow night if Mike Mussina can't get us through the 6th inning.

Yes, you could say we needed to win tonight to get to tomorrow, but what the fuck, Joe Torre? You had a 5-run lead, why did you send Joba back out there to pitch the 8th? You don't think that was a good time to play sports psychologist with Kyle Farnsworth? Maybe let Russ Ohlendorf get back on the horse after getting slapped around in Game 1? Oh, no, let's burn up Joba. More great work from one of the winningest managers in MLB history.

Of course, Joe has a lot more confidence in Moose than I do, because Joe just loves his veterans. Johnny Damon after the game tonight was asked if it mattered that Torre's job was supposedly on the line tonight and he said something along the lines of, "We'll do anything for Joe." Hey, how about win some games in May and June, Johnny? Those games counted too, you know.

Well, obviously there's only one thing for Big Stein to do before tomorrow's game: Threaten to fire Joe again. Or, better yet, have a sniper in the owner's box with orders to shoot Torre in the head if the Yankees lose. Obviously it's the only way to motivate these guys. Win the game, or your beloved manager dies.

Can't you just picture Joe sitting there with the red dot of a laser sight bouncing over his forehead? Actually, he'd probably have his usual hang-dog look, staring at the ground, mumbling to himself and pounding down the green tea.

Bigelow Tea. Producer of fine quality teas since 1945. "Your bases are covered... with Bigelow Tea."

Go Pack Go!

2007-09-17T12:07:00.000-07:00

As you might recall, I'm a Packer fan. But living in Jersey, it's rare I get to see my Packers in action. So while everyone else in the Greater New York Area was bemoaning how bad the Giants looked yesterday, I was loving the green and gold.

Looking at the final score, 35-13, you would think this was a blow-out and the Giants took out a beat-up Eli Manning sometime before half-time. But actually it looked like the game could go either way -- the Packers were losing 10-7 at the half, and it was 14-13 Packers at the end of the third quarter.

But then in the fourth quarter, Favre and Driver hooked up on two TDs two minutes apart to make it 28-13, and then DeShawn Wynn (who?) broke off a 38-yard TD run in garbage time to make it 35-13.

So, yeah, we're 2-0, against two opponents - Philly and the Giants on the road -- that aren't gimmes. But as much as I would like to look at our start through cheese-framed glasses, we've been pretty lucky so far. Heck, we could be 0-2 right now.

We weren't out-played by the Eagles by any stretch, it was a sloppy game that either game could have won. And despite the final score the game against the Giants, it could have been a lot closer or even a loss. Remember, it was 14-13 at the start of the fourth quarter. Favre continues a methodical drive that started from their own 20, with 4:22 left in the third quarter. It was just a perfect drive -- Favre goes 8-for-8, hitting four different guys, and caps it off with a short pass to Donald Lee for the score to make it 21-13. Nice.

But it's still an 8-point game with almost 13 minutes left, and the Packers are kicking off. After that drive I was pretty confident we could hold on, but the outcome was still in doubt. For about two seconds. Because Ahmad Bradshaw fumbles the kick off, there's a scrum, and the Packers come up with the ball. Ninety seconds later there's another Favre TD and now it's 28-13, and it's time to start the parade of cars leaving the Meadowlands.

Now, if the Giants come away with the ball, it's not like they were a sure thing -- on their next possession, Manning threw a ball right into the hands of defensive tackle Corey Williams (who seemed as surprised as anyone in the stadium to catch it). But after the muffed kick made it a 15-point lead, the G-men were in serious trouble.

I love being 2-0, but let's face it, it's the second week in a row where the Packers won a game by coming away with the ball from the bottom of a pile of players. You can say the fight over a fumble is "who wants it more", and I suppose that's part of it, but it's also about luck. The ball is squibbing all around, everyone's got a finger on it, it gets yanked back and forth, guys are biting and pinching and punching, and it's all about who is holding the ball at the moment when a ref throws off enough players to see what's going on. Two seconds earlier or two seconds later, it might be in someone else's hands, and he's the one who "wanted it more."

It's a hell of a way to win a football game and not exactly something you can count on from week to week, especially not for a third week in a row and especially not heading into a game against the San Diego Chargers. But let's hope the defense keeps playing as well as it has been, the offense keeps clicking the way it did in the second half, and that the ball keeps bouncing our way.

Theme Team: 'No, The Other One'

2007-08-29T08:58:00.000-07:00

Remember Agent Johnson and Special Agent Johnson from Die Hard? ("No relation.")

One of them answers a phone call a little later:

"This is Agent Johnson. (sigh) No, the other one."

Well, recently I've seen some names in boxscores that have made me say, "hey wait a minute, isn't that..." And, if Agent Johnson was here, he'd say, "No, the other one."

Names are funny things. You grow up thinking you've got this unique designation, and then you Google yourself and discover some other a-holes are using your name! It's even worse for baseball players, as we know the name of almost every man who has stepped on the field for more than 100 years. In fact, if you have the same name as another player, we can tell you apart through middle names, dates of birth or even by height and weight. We know, for example, that the Joe Smith on the 2007 Mets is not the same Joe Smith who was on the 1913 Yankees. Go figure!

In addition to those who share the names of historic or current baseball players, there are those players who have the names of famous people. Sometimes it's just bad luck -- the pitcher Kenny Rogers was already 12 years old when the singer Kenny Rogers released The Gambler. But come on, Milton Bradley? Howard Johnson?

I wanted to make a team of all these same-name guys, but it would be kind of boring just to point out all the guys with very common names, like Carlos Martinez (four currently in professional baseball) or Ben Johnson (three). I also didn't find it all that interesting to remind people that there was a player 50 years ago named Frank Thomas or a mediocre pitcher 15 years ago named Cris Carpenter. And as for guys who named after their baseball-playing dads -- like Fernando Valenzuela Jr., Frank Viola III or Wally Backman II -- that's too easy.

No, the guys on this Theme Team are rookies and minor leaguers whose names will make you go, "hey, is that...?" When play-by-play guys are tripping all over themselves pointing out that the Royals have a reliever named Billy Buckner, you'll already know about him!

Batters:

C CRAIG MADDOX, Detroit Tigers. Yeah, Craig Maddox. It's like a company selling a knock-off cereal called Cheery Whoas or Raisin Grand. It would be a funnier if he was a mediocre pitcher instead of a mediocre catcher; he's hitting .250 (.722 OPS) in Rookie ball this year.

1B ERNIE BANKS, Florida Marlins. OK, what was the thinking here? I'm not sure if they named him Ernie Banks as an homage or as a joke or if they were just clueless. He's apparently not related... Anyway, this Ernie Banks is a 21-year-old first baseman drafted in June by the Marlins out of Norfolk State University. He has his career off to an OK start, hitting .319 with a .372 OBP in 72 ABs in Rookie ball, but he has to do something about improving that .375 slugging percentage if he's going to catch "Mr. Cub" and his 512 career HRs. Oh, and how's this for weird: The 2007 MEAC Baseball All-Tournament Team included Ernie Banks and Darryl Evans, who plays for Florida A&M.

2B BOBBY HILL, San Diego Padres. It's kind of a cheat having him on the list, as the jokes about his name have all been made before. But I must admit I am a huge fan of Bobby Hill, both the infielder and the cartoon character. Anyway, the White Sox drafted Bobby Hill in 1999, but super agent Scott Boras told him to play in the independent Atlantic League instead. I saw a few Newark Bears games in 2000 with the 22-year-old Hill playing shortstop, and I said, "Boy howdy, I tell you what!" He hit .326 (.933 OPS) with 101 walks and 81 stolen bases in 132 games. But he never really got a chance in the bigs. His career MLB numbers (.262/.343/.350 in 523 AB) aren't so awful that you'd think he couldn't make it at least as a switch-hitting utility infielder, but I'm sure the hold out didn't make him many friends in front offices. He hit .282/.396/.395 in Triple-A last year but hasn't been heard from since.

3B EVAN LONGORIA, Tampa Bay Devil Rays. One of the top prospects in baseball, no one is likely to confuse him with Eva Longoria, but it's a good excuse for me to run a picture of her. Sports Illustrated had the same idea, as they did a Tale of the Tape comparing Evan to Eva. Evan Longoria says he's heard all the jokes. "I get ragged on it a lot but I don't mind. My friends and I think she's hot." Longoria lived up to the hype this year, hitting .307/.403/.528 in 381 ABs in Double-A and .288/.411/.507 in Triple-A. As for Eva, she's starring in Over My Dead Body with Jason Biggs and Lake Bell. Who do you think had the better year?

SS ALBERTO GONZALEZ, New York Yankees. How about this guy, huh? You're going through life with a perfectly fine Latino name, and then you hear, hey, my almost namesake, Alberto Gonzales, is going to be attorney general, that's cool. The next thing you know, bam! You're getting booed in every liberal town. Anyway, this Alberto Gonzalez hit .330/.385/.440 in 109 ABs with Double-A Trenton before being promoted to Triple-A Scranton, where he's struggled (.241/.298/.358 in 344 AB)... As an aside, there are no major or minor leaguers named Dick Cheney or Donald Rumsfeld, but there is a catcher at Morehead State named Donald Cheney (.274/.383/.457 in 175 AB this year).

LF DEE BROWN, Washington Nationals. What's worse, to be Tim Brown or Dee Brown? Would you rather have a relatively common name that you share with a famous person, or an unusual name that you share with someone only vaguely familiar? No one will think the white first baseman used to play for the Oakland Raiders, but everyone is going to assume the outfielder trying to work his way up through the Nationals system is the washed-up Royals prospect. The original Dee Brown was highly touted at one time -- he was a first round pick in '96, and the Kansas City Royals Minor League Player of the Year in 1999 -- but he's never hit in the bigs, with a career .234/.280/.334 line in 812 ABs. Now 29, he's played for seven different organizations, most recently the Oakland A's. This Dee Brown -- actually named Willie D. Brown, but he goes by Dee Brown -- is a 24-year-old outfielder drafted in the 10th round two years ago out of the University of Central Florida. He put up some decent numbers in the Carolina League (.284/.369/.404 in 225 AB) but has struggled after getting moved up to Double-A (.250/.311/.339 in 168 ABs).

CF CHRIS B. YOUNG, Arizona Diamondbacks. You would think there'd be a lot of players with this name, but actually the only two guys named Chris Young in the history of Major League Baseball are both active. When two players with the same name come up at the same time, they're linked forever. Remember Alex Gonzalez and Alex Gonzalez, Brian Hunter and Brian Hunter, Bobby Jones and Bobby Jones? In most of those other cases, though, one player was good -- OK, mediocre -- and the other one was bad. Here, we have two guys who could both be stars for years to come; at least in this case, one's a pitcher and the other's a hitter. Chris R. Young is the right-handed pitcher with the Padres, now in his fourth season; the 28-year-old is 9-4 with a 2.12 ERA and 1.01 WHIP and made his first All-Star Game this year. Chris B. Young is the 23-year-old rookie outfielder with the Diamondbacks, hitting .234 (.758 OPS) but with 28 HR and 21 SB in 458 AB. Just to make things interesting, there's a 26-year-old right-handed reliever in the Marlins system named Chris M. Young; he's 0-3 with a 5.72 ERA and 1.80 WHIP between Double-A and Triple-A this year.

RF MICHAEL MYERS, Chicago White Sox. Not only does this guy have to contend with left-handed reliever Mike Myers, but now the Halloween remake is coming out, and this guy goes all the way and calls himself Michael Myers. Not sure if he wears the weird mask while he plays. Michael Felipe Myers is a 27-year-old outfielder with the Double-A Birmingham Barons, where he is hitting a Michael Jordan-esque .185/.279/.263 in 270 ABs. It doesn't look like this Michael Myers will be terrorizing big league pitchers any time soon.

DH JOSH JOHNSON, Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Until 2005, there had never been a Major Leaguer named Joshua Johnson. Then there was one -- the Marlins pitcher who missed most of this year after undergoing elbow surgery. And in a few years, we might have three more to cause confusion. The closest one to the majors is Josh N. Johnson, a 24-year-old catcher in the Devil Rays system. Josh N. is hitting .276/.324/.418 in 98 AB with the Triple-A Durham Bulls this year; in Double-A last year, he hit .313/.397/.478 in 67 AB. They've also tried him at first, second and outfield, which leads me to believe he may not have a future as a major league catcher, so we'll use him at DH. Then there's Josh R. Johnson, a second baseman in the Royals system. Josh R. is hitting .253 but with a .354 OBP with the Class A Wilmington Blue Rocks. And now there's a third one in the pipeline, just known as Joshua Johnson, who went 3-2 with a 3.33 ERA and 1.13 WHIP in 10 starts and 2 relief appearances for Tampa Bay's New York-Penn League affiliate.

Bench:

C JOSE REYES, New York Mets. The Mets have cornered the market on Jose Reyeses. They started out with shortstop Jose B. Reyes, and then this year they added catcher Jose A. Reyes. In the history of Major League Baseball, there are two guys named Jose Reyes -- both are switch hitters, both are from the Dominican Republic and both are in the Mets organization. Even though Jose B. is now in his fifth major league season, he's only eight months older than Jose A. (This reminds me of that corny joke about the Puerto Rican firefighter who named his first kid Jose and his second kid Hose B.) Anyway, Jose the Catcher Reyes started out in the Chicago Cubs organization as an 18-year-old kid, and so far has proven he can't hit at seven different levels of professional baseball. He even got 5 at-bats with the Cubs last year (he had a single, 2 RBIs and 3 strikeouts). So far with Double-A Binghamton, he's hitting .214 (.609 OPS). It doesn't like there will be a problem in figuring out which Jose Reyes is which.

1B TIM BROWN, San Diego Padres. In true "No... the other one" fashion, this Tim Brown is a 6-foot-3, 220 pound white first baseman. He is currently hitting .269/.351/.423 with 12 HR and 45 RBI (and 0 SB) in 324 AB... There's no one in the minors named Jerry Rice or Cris Carter, though there are two guys named Chris Carter, and each does something other than catch touchdowns.

SS STEPHEN KING, Washington Nationals. Lazy baseball columnists can't wait for this guy to get to the majors, so they can trot out all their puns -- he'll either be "scary good" or "scary bad." Both the novelist Stephen King and the shortstop Stephen King use the "ph" spelling. The baseball player is just 19 years old, but he was ranked the No. 9 prospect in the Nationals system by Baseball America. This year, he hit .224/.295/.375 in 304 at-bats between Rookie ball and the Sally League.

IF/OF RICHARD LEWIS, Kansas City Royals. This guy must be fun during away games in the Texas League. "Oh, could it get any hotter? I'm spritzing over here. This is the road trip from hell!" The comedian is Richard Philip Lewis; the utility man is Richard Hammond Lewis III. I would hazard a guess that they are not related. Lewis had a monster senior year at Georgia Tech in 2001 (.398/.464/.526) but so far in the minors he's hit just .259/.324/.363 in 2734 career ABs. He started out as a second baseman, but for the last couple seasons he's also been used at first, third, short and outfield as he apparently has realized he won't be able to hit his way to the majors. At 27, he may want to start working on his stand-up routine.

OF JUAN VALDES, Cleveland Indians. Burro not included.
To be fair, the coffee guy's name is spelled Juan Valdez. The National Federation of Coffee Growers of Colombia has been using him as a mascot since 1959, and this guy was born in Puerto Rico in 1985. Maybe his parents just figured, hey, so he'll like coffee, who cares? Actually there was a lawsuit regarding how common the name Juan Valdez is after a company started an ad campaign, "Juan Valdez drinks Costa Rican coffee." They argued they were talking about some other Juan Valdez. Paging Agent Johnson! (Actually, in baseball terms, it's not a popular name -- there has never been a Major Leaguer named Juan Valdez or Valdes.) This Juan Valdes is hitting .319 (.894 OPS) in 119 ABs in the New York-Penn League for the Indians.

Honorable mention: Bryan D. Anderson, a Cardinals catcher in Double-A joining the Brian N. Anderson and Brian J. Anderson competition; the Rockies infielder or either of the two minor leaguers named Luis Gonzalez; Carlos Santana, an outfielder in A-Ball for the Dodgers; and Derrick Thomas, a catcher who went 3-for-4 in 5 games in the Pioneer League for the Angels this year.

Starting Rotation:

SP BILLY BUCKNER, Kansas City Royals. Perhaps the greatest "No... the other one" in the history of baseball. I mean, Billy Buckner? He could at least go by Will or Liam or W.J. or something! I guess people would figure it out anyway, so you might as well get it out of the way: "Yeah, I'm Billy Buckner. No relation." He is named William Jennings Buckner, apparently named after "The Great Commoner," William Jennings Bryan. Buckner was only 3 years old during Game 6, so he had no idea how it would change his life. Luckily he's from Georgia; imagine if this poor kid grew up New England, he probably would've been beaten to death in middle school. This Billy Buck went 9-7 with a 3.78 ERA and 1.28 WHIP as a swingman (15 starts, 12 relief appearances) with Omaha -- not bad numbers for the Pacific Coast League. So far he's pitched in one game in the bigs and he's given up 4 runs (1 earned) on 5 hits in 2.0 innings. I can't wait for him to pitch in Yankee Stadium some day so the crowd can bring back the "BILL-EE BUCK-NER!" chant that had to be retired after the 2004 post-season.

SP DEREK LEE, Texas Rangers. I finally learned to spell Derrek Lee with two Rs, and now here comes one-R Derek Lee to screw things up. His name is really Robert Derek Lee, but I guess he didn't want to go through life with everyone asking if his middle initial was "E", so he went with Derek. Really, parents, if your name is Lee and you insist on naming your son Robert, why not go all the way and go with the middle name Edward? Robert D. Lee is just going to wind up getting in trouble with Ulysses F. Grant and Dwight B. Eisenhower. Anyway, this Derek Lee isn't much of a prospect -- he's 33 years old and has been bumping around in the minors since 1997 without ever making it to the show. The closest he came was one Spring Training game in 2006 -- and they took him out after just one third of an inning. That's just cruel. Anyway, his minor league numbers aren't that bad (71-73, 3.67 ERA, 1.30 WHIP in 1.299.0 IP; 1-2 with a 2.75 ERA, 1.47 WHIP in 6 games this year), plus he's left-handed, so he could be coming soon to a stadium near you.

SP NICK GREEN, Los Angeles Angels. It ain't easy being the "real" Nick Green, the utility infielder who spent three years in the bigs with three teams, hitting .243/.312/.351 in 696 AB. Now it will get even harder as one day he could be vaguely remembered as that other Nick Green. Nicholas Alvin Green is a 23-year-old right-hander who has moved quickly through the Angels system, going 10-6 with a 3.66 ERA and 1.08 WHIP in Double-A this year; if he keeps that up, it won't be long before we forget all about Nicholas Anthony Green.

SP RAY LIOTTA, Chicago White Sox. He was 7 years old when "Goodfellas" came out, so basically he has spent his entire life being asked, "any relation?" Actually, yes. The 24-year-old left-hander is "a distant cousin on his dad's side" of the actor, who played Shoeless Joe Jackson in "Field of Dreams." Raymond J. Liotta got pounded last year in the Carolina League (1-6, 8.08 ERA, 1.91 WHIP) but was slightly better in Double-A (3-8, 4.93 ERA, 1.60 WHIP). The other Ray Liotta also had a bad year (did you watch any episodes of Smith"? No, of course you didn't -- nobody did.)

SP ERIC STULTS, Los Angeles Dodgers. Hey, it's the guy from Mask! In one of those strange twists of fate that always happen in Hollywood, Eric Stoltz was cast as Marty McFly in Back to the Future, and they even started filming with him, but then Michael J. Fox agreed to do the movie and the rest was history. The first time I really noticed Stoltz was as Simon the Angel in The Prophecy, a very underrated movie, and I thought he'd be a star, but not so much. Well, maybe the banner will be picked up by Eric Stults, a 27-year-old lefty who is 1-2 with a 4.23 ERA and 1.41 WHIP in three starts and four relief appearances with the Dodgers this year. In Las Vegas -- a hitter's park in a hitter's league -- Stults was hammered to the tune of a 7.56 ERA and 1.90 WHIP in 17 starts and 4 relief appearances.

SP MICHAEL MADSEN, Oakland Athletics. What's up with all the starting pitchers named after actors? You put together Eric Stults and Ray Liotta with Michael Madsen, you've got either a bad starting rotation or a hell of a movie. Michael Madsen the actor, like Ray Liotta, also played a baseball player -- he was Bump Bailey in The Natural. This Michael Madsen has risen quickly through the A's organization, jumping up from High A to Double-A to Triple-A this year. He was great at the first two levels (3.02 ERA, 1.20 WHIP), not so much at the third (5.47, 1.46).

Bullpen:

RP EDGAR MARTINEZ, Boston Red Sox. The opposite of the real Edgar Martinez, Edgar R. Martinez was a good-field, no-hit catcher who was so bad offensively -- his career minor league numbers were .223/.282/.298, and he never got above Double-A -- they finally converted him to a reliever. The right-hander was good for a couple years, including a nice run as the closer for the Portland Sea Dogs last year (2.61 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, 18 BB, 59 K in 69.0 IP), but he's struggled in Triple-A (4.86 ERA, 1.37 WHIP, 26 BB, 54 K in 63.0 IP). Still, it seems likely we'll see Edgar Martinez again some day, and in true karmic justice, the man who terrorized pitchers for all those years comes back as a pitcher himself.

RP JAVIER LOPEZ, Boston Red Sox. Wow, the Red Sox have Edgar Martinez and Javier Lopez? The 1997 All-Star team called, they want their players back! I'm sure you've already heard of the other J-Lo, Javier A. Lopez, a left-handed reliever now with the Red Sox. I had an actual "No, the other one" moment a few years ago when I saw a sports brief headlined "Javier Lopez traded to Rockies." It must have been a slow news day. Anyway, I stopped reading the story after the headline and brought it up to a fellow roto-geek at work, causing a few minutes of excited conversation about the Coors Field effect before I read the rest of the story and realized, oh, it's the reliever. Javier A. Lopez is having a pretty good year (2.76 ERA and 1.29 WHIP in 32.2 IP), while Javy Lopez is as far as I know out of baseball. Now if someone told you the Rockies just got Javier Lopez, you'd say: "The reliever?"

RP MARK McLEMORE, Houston Astros. This one's a real mind-boggler. In the history of baseball, there have been just two guys named McLemore -- both with the first name Mark. Mark T. McLemore played for seven teams over 19 years in the big leagues, making his debut in 1986 as a 21-year-old second baseman with the California Angels. In 6,192 at-bats, he hit .259/.349/.341, playing mostly second, but also outfield, third and short. Six years before Mark T. made his debut in Anaheim, Mark S. McLemore was born in Sacramento. The left-handed reliever made the show for the first time this year, posting a 3.24 ERA (but with a 1.56 WHIP) in 25.0 IP, with 25 K but also 11 BB. In Triple-A this year, he had a 2.77 ERA and 1.33 WHIP with 52 Ks in 52.0 IP, but also 35 BB. As is seemingly required when two players share the same unusual name, Mark T. is black and Mark S. is white.

RP RYAN BRAUN, Kansas City Royals. Ryan Joseph Braun is regarded as one of the top prospects in baseball. The 23-year-old third baseman for the Milwaukee Brewers is hitting .332/.377/.640 in his debut season. Ryan Zachary Braun has not only the same name, but came up at the same time, making it inevitable that he will forever be known as "the bad Ryan Braun." The 27-year-old right handed reliever has been getting pounded this year (1-0, 0 SV, 6.67 ERA, 1.59 WHIP in 28.3 IP), and it's unlikely we'll have to think of any Brauns but Ryan J. for much longer. Hopefully he will make it to interleague play next year, so he can face the other Ryan Braun.

RP SEAN GREEN, Seattle Mariners. If you misspell Shawn Green's name it might wind up going to this guy. Sean Green is a 28-year-old righthander is 5-1 with a 3.23 ERA (but 1.40 WHIP) in 44 relief appearances with Seattle this year.

RP JOSHUA FIELDS, Chicago White Sox. The Mets have two guys named Jose Reyes and the White Sox have two guys named Josh Fields. Joshua Dean Fields is the third baseman/outfielder with the big club, hitting .238/.292/.454 in 273 ABs; the other one, who is actually three years older, is Joshua Lee Fields, a right-handed reliever who this year went 1-2 with a 3.24 ERA and 1.56 WHIP between Rookie ball and Double-A. There's also a pitcher from the University of Georgia named Joshua Fields, but he refused to sign after being drafted by the Braves and will return to the Bulldogs for his senior year.

Honorable mention: Francisco Rodriguez, a right-handed reliever for the Los Angeles Angels -- but this one is a 24-year-old swingman with a 6.29 ERA and 1.67 WHIP in 36 games in A-Ball; John Madden, a right-handed reliever in the Padres system; Brooks Dunn, whose parents were apparently country western fans, a lefty pitcher in the Padres system; Jimmy Rollins, a lefty reliever in the Royals system; Ryan Zimmerman, a right-handed reliever in the Tampa Bay organization; Bill White ("you huckleberry!"), a left-handed reliever in the Rangers system; Brian Wilson, a right-handed reliever recently called up to the Giants; and Steven Wright, a right-handed reliever in the Indians system.

I don't want to hate Max Kellerman

2007-07-31T14:42:00.000-07:00

I have the good fortune of working an 11-to-7 job, as opposed to 9-to-5, so I get to miss the morning traffic that would turn my 20-minute commute into an hour, but still get home early enough to have dinner or watch a Yankee game.

So during my drive I usually listen to Max Kellerman, who is on ESPN Radio from 10 a.m. to noon. And I really don't want to hate Max Kellerman. He's a young guy, he's sometimes funny, he pays attention to sabermetrics, he's a Yankee fan, he speaks Yiddish, he knows a lot about boxing, he bounced back from a horrifying tragedy, the murder of his 29-year-old brother. I root for Max Kellerman.

But every morning he says something that annoys me. Whether it's comparing Michael Vick's cruelty to dogs to eating breakfast or his inane "Max Kellerman Army" routine or his mind-bogglingly obvious and yet ridiculously stupid observation that if your offense was so good that you never made an out, you could never actually win a baseball game.

So I've come to expect every day that he will say something that will make me frown. And then I sigh to myself, "Aw Max, I don't want to hate you."

Yes, and people in other cars do look at me with pity.

This morning, I was going to let it slide when he said Phil Hughes is already the best starting pitcher in baseball. OK, whatever. Hyperbole from a Yankee fan is acceptable.

No, what annoyed me this morning was his argument that Johnny Damon is a better hitter than Melky Cabrera. Not that Cabrera's career won't be as good as Damon's, or that Damon was a better hitter at age 23 than Cabrera is, or anything like that. No, that at this moment in time, Damon is a better hitter than Cabrera.

Aggravating the annoyance factor: Kellerman came to the right conclusion for the wrong reason. He says that, when Jason Giambi comes back, Melky will be the odd man out.

I agree!

But then Max takes it a step further by saying that Melky should be the one on the bench.

With Giambi back, the Yankees will have four players (Giambi, Damon, Melky and Andy Phillips for three spots (first, center and DH). One of the four has to ride the pine.

Max argues that it should be Melky, saying that Damon is a better center fielder than Giambi is a first baseman, so you're not losing as much defensively by playing Damon in center over Cabrera as you would playing Giambi at first over Phillips.

Yeah, it's kind of like saying you'd rather bang Joan Rivers than Geraldo Rivera. Either way, it's going to be ugly and you're not going to brag about it.

No matter how bad Giambi is, he can still catch balls thrown directly at him by the other infielders, which is 99 percent of a first baseman's job. A good defensive first baseman is a bonus; a bad defensive center fielder is a nightmare. For the defense argument to work, you have to convince me that Damon is an adequate center fielder, and I just don't buy that. But you know what? Let's say he is.

Where Max really lost me is when he said, offensively, Damon is still a better hitter than Cabrera. Melky will be better one day, Max concedes -- saying that Cabrera's career numbers so far compare favorably to Bernie Williams -- but for the rest of this season, you'd rather have Damon hitting than Cabrera.

Huh?

Melky: .291/.348/.409, 14 2B, 5 HR, 9-2 SB in 330 AB Damon: .247/.347/.344, 16 2B, 5 HR, 19-2 SB in 340 AB

Hm... well, Damon got off to a slow start. Maybe he means recently?

Melky in July: .373/.416/.510, 2 HR, 4-1 SB in 102 AB Damon in July: .237/.370/.309, 0 HR, 6-2 SB in 97 AB

All right. Maybe he means lefty/righty?

Melky: .267/.342/.366 vs LHP, .301/.350/.428 vs RHP Damon: .268/.345/.340 vs LHP, .239/.347/.346 vs RHP

I arrived at work and missed the end of the great Melky/Johnny debate, so maybe Kellerman had some brilliant point about how you can't look at the statistics. Maybe he said, "Yes, I know Cabrera has been better to this point this season, but he's just a kid and could fall apart. Damon, on the other hand, is a veteran hitter with a tremendous body of work who is bound to start hitting better over the last two months of the season." But now you've left the realm of the objective.

Yes, Damon could come around. Cabrera could fall on his face. Or not. One guy is turning 23 and the other turning 34. The last two months could be a fluke, but it's not like it would be unexpected for Cabrera to get better and Damon to get worse at their respective ages.

And yet after all that, what really annoys me to no end is that Kellerman is right. Cabrera will be on the bench and Damon will be in center field.

Why? Because Joe Torre loves veterans. That's all there is to it. He'll do his best to get Cabrera into games by giving outfielders a day off or giving Giambi the occasional start at first base, but barring an injury, I think you'll see more of Damon than you will of Cabrera from here on out. This is exactly why I didn't want the Yankees to bring Bernie back, because Torre would have found a way to play him every day no matter what.

What would I do? I'd have Cabrera in center and Phillips at first, with Damon and Giambi sharing the DH role depending on the match-up, maybe benching Phillips and stomaching Giambi at first if you're facing a tough righty. But that might ruffle some feathers, and Torre doesn't do that to his guys. Cabrera can wait 'til next year.

But c'mon, Max. Don't pretend to be a sabermetrics guy if you won't look at numbers.

Hey ESPN... Jack THIS

2007-07-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

Does anyone actually watch the Home Run Derby? I'm just glad I don't have Vlad Guerrero in any of my rotisserie leagues after watching how David Wright got screwed up after he finish second last year, and seeing what happened to Bobby Abreu's power after he won it in 2005.

But then again, maybe there's nothing to this Home Run Derby curse. After all, Ryan Howard won it last year and he's still mashing (he had a rough start, but has had 16 HRs since May 27).

Actually, guys like Howard and Jim Thome and David Ortiz should live for Home Run Derbies, because they can pull every pitch and not have to worry about the infield shift. I mean, I'm not a baseball analyst or anything, but maybe, just maybe, pure hitters like Abreu and Wright shouldn't be entering home-run hitting contests? Does that make sense to anybody?

Anyway, the answer to my question is -- no one watches the Home Run Derby. Hey, it is the only major professional sporting event on TV last night, and I'm flipping around watching The Sopranos re-runs on A&E.

First off, the Home Run Derby is boring. Second, Chris Berman is an ass-hat these days. Third, ESPN makes it unwatchable with all the bullshit.

If they think it's such a great event, why do they have Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez talking over it? The five people who actually care about the derby must have loved hearing A-Rod for the billionth time dance around whether he'll opt out of his contract while Albert Pujols is up there taking his cuts. It's just Pujols, right?

Oh, what's the difference, FOX and ESPN assume you don't want to watch what's happening on the field even during real games.

"So here it is, top of the third, no score. Oh, and let's bring Sean Astin into the booth. (first pitch, low and outside, apparently called a strike) So Sean, I understand you're in a baseball movie, The Final Season. When's that coming out? (second pitch, maybe a little high, apparently called a ball) So you're in this movie with Tom Arnold. Who smelled worse, Tom or Gollum? (batter fouls one off) Heh heh, yes, of course. (split screen to show, indeed, the announcer is talking to Sean Astin.) Now also in this movie is Rachael Leigh Cook, she must smell better than either one of them, am I right? (fourth pitch is high and tight, apparently called a ball) Is she a better kisser than that walrus in 50 First Dates?"

Yeah, great. Not that I actually want to watch the game or anything. Even better is when they shrink the size of the game you're watching to a picture-in-picture so I can see Bonds take six straight pitches. Now that is exciting. Hm, someone in the game I'm actually watching actually hit the ball, well, I'm sure they'll get back to that in a moment. I'd hate to miss Bonds flinging off his elbow guard in disgust.

Bud Selig was worried that nobody was watching the All-Star Game anymore, so he stupidly changed the rules so that the home field advantage for the World Series is determined by who wins tonight. "Now it counts!"

Bud, not to be a stickler for language or anything, but do you know what "exhibition game" means?

Look, if you want people to pay attention to the All-Star Game, have the stats count toward their regular season totals. Hell, make them worth double. Everyone with a rotisserie team will not only watch the game, they'll be voting like crazy to get those extra numbers.

Hey, do the same thing with the Home Run Derby. Vlad had 14 home runs in the first half, and 17 home runs last night in the derby. Guess what? Now he has 31 home runs this season! Hope you had him in your Yahoo league! And Alex Rios, 17 home runs in the first half, 27 last night? Forty-four dingers so far this year, baby! Hey, only 30 more to beat Bonds for the single-season record.

It's a win-win all around.

Proctor gets torched

2007-07-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

Yankee reliever Scott Proctor burned his glove, cap and spikes yesterday after the A's lit him up for three runs on three hits in a third of an inning.

"I burned everything, the whole bit," Proctor said as he left Yankee Stadium. "I've done it before when things have gone bad. When I needed a change."

Some sources say Proctor burned his uniform; Proctor told the New York Post that's not true -- not that he didn't want to. "I'd burn my uniform if I wouldn't get in trouble for it."

You know what? I was never a big Proctor fan before, but I like him now. At least he seems to give a crap.

The Post's Michael Morrissey sniped, "And to think, it seemed Kyle Farnsworth was extreme for throwing his glove on Friday night."

But there's a big difference. Farnsworth-less threw a temper tantrum in front of the cameras when Joe Torre called on Mariano Rivera with two outs in the 8th. Now, given Mo just might be the greatest closer in the history of baseball, who the hell is Farnsworth to bitch about coming out? It's not like Torre pulled him for Charlie Brown. And a guy who has had three 1-2-3 innings this year -- that's right, just three 1-2-3 innings all year long -- and a 4.88 ERA and 1.66 WHIP has no right to complain about anything.

It was the second time in a week the cameras caught Farnsworth pitching a fit after getting pulled from a game. Just another sign Torre has lost control of this team.

Proctor, on the other hand, did his little pyro performance after the game, after the cameras were off. Even his teammates had already gone home.

Probably the only reason anybody heard about it is because some sportswriters were still hanging around in the press box, smelled something burning, and saw Proctor was doing some weekend grilling on the field in front of the Yankee dugout. And unlike Farnsworth, who refused to talk to reporters about his crybaby routines, Proctor manned up, joked about it and moved on.

I feel you, Prock. You can come over for a barbecue anytime you want.

Like two ships passing in the night... again

2007-06-27T22:58:00.000-07:00

Wow.

Just two weeks ago I wrote about how the Yankees and the Mets had almost mirror records since the May subway series. After the Mets took two out of three at Shea, they went into the tank, going 8-13. Meanwhile, the Yankees turned around their season with a 14-8 record, including that astounding nine-game winning streak.

Then, the subway series in the Bronx. Yanks take two out of three. And both do a 180.

The Mets have gone 6-3 against a tough stretch of opponents. The Yankees, on the other hand, have gone 1-7 and lost three consecutive series, including four straight losses against the woeful Giants and Orioles. And once again, there are calls for Joe Torre's head.

What would I do to fix this, were I advising George Steinbrenner? (Jennifer -- call me.)

I would humbly present Big Stein with this simple five-point plan.

1. Fire Brian Cashman and Joe Torre. I have made the case against Torre before, so I won't belabor the point. In a nutshell, I think he is a very nice man but not a good manager. A decent manager could win with the talent we had 10 or even five years ago, but not now. Even worse, he's lost this team. Probably lost it a few seasons ago, actually. So you know I'd want Torre gone. But why go after Cash, man? I don't have anything against Ca$hMoney, but I think he and Torre have to go down together. At the end of last season, it could have been just Torre walking the plank, but Cashman did the old Backdraft "You go... we go" manuever. Sorry, Brian -- that didn't work out so well in the movie either. Who replaces them? Well, George, I know your super-duper secret plan is to let Don Mattingly be the manager some day, so you don't want to hire somebody like Joe Girardi who would get in Donnie Baseball's way. On the other hand, you don't want to give Mattingly the job now -- you don't want him inheriting someone else's mess, and also because he's essentially going to be the same low-key, hands-off manager Torre was, and you need to shake things up. So go ahead and give the job to Larry Bowa. If he can't turn the team around, fire his ass. If he gets the team back to the post-season, say nice job -- and then fire him anyway. Hell, you did it to Buck Showalter, and people actually liked Showalter. Either way, Donnie is the manager next year. As for your new GM, well, I do happen to have my resume right here...

2. Dump the dead weight. Did you know Chris Basak is on the 25-man roster? Apparently Torre didn't, either, because he was called up on June 5 and has been in just three games since then -- twice as a defensive replacement in blowouts, and once as a pinch-hitter (for Mike Mussina in San Francisco). Three weeks on the roster, three games, one plate appearance. Who does Joe think this kid is, Moonlight Graham? Put the poor guy on a bus back to Scranton. Next, put Johnny Damon on the D.L. -- he's been hitting .222 (.629 OPS) this month, and that doesn't include his 0-for-4 tonight. He can't play the outfield anymore. What's the point of having him taking up a spot on the roster? Let him get healthy and let Kevin Thompson play some outfield.

3. Find a legitimate first baseman. What kind of a world do we live in where Miguel Cairo is the starting first baseman for the New York Yankees? With Basak in the minors, Cairo goes back to being the utility infielder/team mascot and we get a real first baseman to take Basak's spot on the roster. It doesn't have to be Mark Teixeira or Paul Konerko. If the asking price for those guys is too high, grab whoever's cheap -- Shea Hillenbrand or Ty Wigginton or Dmitri Young or (my personal choice) Scott Hatteberg -- and if worse comes to worst, just call up Shelley Duncan (hitting .302/.388/.585 in Scranton, and how can you not love a guy named Shelley Duncan?) and let him duke it out with Andy Phillips.

4. Reinforce for the bullpen. With Damon on the D.L., call up RP Chris Britton. He has been great in Triple-A (2.25 ERA, 1.22 WHIP, 11 BB, 42 K in 36.0 IP) and wasn't bad for the Orioles last year (3.35 ERA, 1.17 WHIP, 17 BB, 41 K in 53.2 IP). Why has this guy been in Triple-A for three months while the Yankees' bullpen has been exploding? Next, tell Bowa to find out if Ron Villone has anything left -- and if not, cut him. Villone has given up 7 ER, 13 H and 5 BB in 12.0 IP this year, but he's appeared in just 10 games since they called him up from the minors on May 15. He had a two-week stretch in mid-June where Joe didn't use him at all. Well, either get him on track or release him. If we can't trade for a mediocre left-handed veteran on a bad team (Jamie Walker or Ron Mahay or Steve Kline), call up Sean Henn. Why the hell not.

5. Fire John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman. This won't help the Yankees, but it would do so much for the Yankee fans. It's the best way to apologize for the first three months of the season.

Like two ships passing in the night

2007-06-14T21:00:00.001-07:00

Would anyone have believed this after last month's subway series?

At the end of that weekend, May 18-20, the Mets were 28-15 after taking two out of three from the Yankees. The Bombers were 19-23.

Since then, the Yankees have gone 14-8, while the Mets have gone 8-13.

And going into tomorrow night's game, the Yankees -- after winning nine straight -- are 33-31. The Mets have lost five in a row, and are now 36-28.

If the Yankees sweep, the two teams will have the same record -- 36-31.

Unbelievable.

At least we found something Joe Torre can do to help the team. Bullpen management, lineup construction and in-game strategy aren't his strong points. But standing in the dugout while the Yankees are batting? He can do that, and apparently, it's been working. Supposedly he started this -- standing on the dugout steps, holding a bat -- during the May 30th game against the Blue Jays, which they won 10-5. Since then, they've gone 12-2.

The way I figure it, both Yankee fans and Met fans would be OK if the Yanks win two and the Mets win one. Of course both sides will say we want a sweep. But realistically, if the Yanks take two, Yankee fans will be happy to win another series and hopefully pick up another game on Boston and Detroit. Met fans will be happy to have ended their losing streak and to not get swept.

Roger Clemens vs. Oliver Perez tomorrow night. Ollie pitched well against the Yankees last month (2 ER, 5 H, 5 K in 7.2 IP). Clemens hasn't faced the Mets since April 2005, but shut them down (0 R, 2 H, 1 BB, 8 K). You'd have to figure this is advantage Yankees. But it is a dangerous game for the Yankees, almost a must-win, because if the Mets win this game, you could reasonably expect them to win two out of three.

Tyler Clippard vs. Tom Glavine on Saturday afternoon. The Yankees did OK against Glavine last time out (3 R, 9 H, 2 BB in 6.0 IP), though he did get the win; Clippard pitched that Sunday night game on ESPN, his MLB debut, and also won (1 R, 3 H, 3 BB, 6.0 IP). Still, you have to figure this game is advantage Mets, and that's why it's so important for the Yankees to win tomorrow.

Orlando Hernandez vs. Chien-Ming Wang on Sunday night (ESPN). El Duque is 0-3 lifetime against the Yankees, but he pitched OK against them last year (2 ER, 7 H, 1 BB, 7 IP). Wang has never faced the Mets before, but has won 3 games in a row (2.08 ERA, 1.11 WHIP in 21.2 IP). Advantage Yankees. Again I almost see this one as a must-win. In fact, if the Yankees don't sweep, they have to win this game and one other game this weekend -- win, lose, win or lose, win, win. If they win the first two but then lose Sunday night, on national TV, blowing their chance for a sweep, it's kind of bittersweet. I want to go into work on Monday coming off a win, not a loss.

In fact, I want to go to work Monday with the same record as the Mets.

What a difference a month makes.

Podcast Baby!

2007-06-06T11:46:00.000-07:00

Hey All!

I've started a podcast for this site.

Just my daily thoughts and rants on the world of sports. Please stop by and take a listen.

Todays Topic: The Yankees cost their loses and Roger Clemens helps shed some dead weight.

http://fromthecheapseats.mypodcast.com/index.html

Once there you can subscribe to it through Itunes for free.

Enjoy!

Mark Cuban's pipe dream

2007-05-31T06:49:00.000-07:00

Mark Cuban says he wants another sports franchise. And to do it, he's going to get in on the ground floor of another pro football league, the UFL.

Hey, Mark? Maybe you didn't hear, but they tried this a few years ago. It's understandable if you missed it, because the XFL lasted just three months in 2001. Perhaps you'd like to bid on this sweet Rod "He Hate Me" Smart rookie card from the Las Vegas Outlaws? (It's funny that the eBay seller makes a big deal about this being a "rookie card." It was the first and only year of the league! They were all rookies!)

But I would've thought for sure at some point you rubbed elbows with fellow whiney rich guy Donald Trump, and he would've mentioned that he too once owned a professional sports team. Maybe you thought, when he said he owned the New Jersey Generals, he was talking about a couple apartment buildings in Hoboken. Well, actually, it was a football team. The USFL lasted from 1982 to 1985. Did you miss it? Maybe you weren't into sports at the time. But I see from your wiki biography you were a bartender in Dallas in 1982, and there wasn't a franchise in Dallas, so maybe you hadn't heard about it. I'm not sure how many fans of the Houston Gamblers or San Antonio Gunslingers would have gone to Dallas, so maybe you just missed it.

Speaking of your wiki biography, it says you lived in a three-bedroom apartment with five roommates. Do you keep up with those guys? Did you ever track down that one roommate who always gets stiffed on the phone deposit and finally kick in your $20?

Anyway, noting that you were born in 1958, that would've made you 16 years old when the World Football League was founded. Portland Storm? Detroit Wheels? Any of this sound at all familiar? That league only lasted a year and a half, but you know, as a teenager who would grow up to be a sports team owner, I figured you would've heard of it. Larry Csonka and Jim Kiick? Anything?

One thing about the World Football League -- what an odd collection of team names. I mean, the Philadelphia Bell? WTF? Your team is a Bell? I know, the Liberty Bell and all that, but come on. Shreveport Steamer -- I can't imagine any team calling themselves a "Steamer" anymore. But then you've got the Houston Texans (now an NFL team), the Chicago Fire (now an MLS team) and the Charlotte Hornets and the Memphis Grizzlies (later NBA teams).

Anyway, back to the United Football League. Yes, those leagues folded. But, Mark says, our idea is unique: We're going to play football on Friday night, and we're not going to try to compete with the NFL for first-round draft picks!

So, let me get this straight. You're going to show your games on the worst night of the week for pro sports, and you're going to guarantee you have crappy players?

(Yes, every year there's a late-rounder who becomes a good player, or even a Hall of Famer. But for every Tom Brady, there's a dozen guys you never heard of because they sucked.)

Now all three of those leagues I mentioned above tried to do what the AFL did when it was founded, which is to get merged with the NFL. And when it became obvious the NFL wasn't interested in merging, the league went belly-up.

And that's what this is all about, right, Mark? You're going to get some press about starting a franchise in Las Vegas, maybe get a couple other guys with more money than brains to join as well, all the while hoping to pressure the league into letting you buy the Arizona Cardinals or something.

Well, what can we say... yeah, good luck with that. Hopefully your league will be as successful as Arena Football or NFL Europe.

My advice, if you want to hire me as a consultant: Get the people who play fantasy football interested. Come up with cool team names that don't make 12-year-old boys giggle. Convince the oddsmakers to come up with interesting side-bets, like how many times you'll jump up and scream "THAT'S NOT HOLDING!" at the refs.

But if you really want a new sports franchise, I have two words for you:

Jennifer Steinbrenner.

Big Stein is looking for a new crown prince, and you're looking for a new team. And what better team than the most famous franchise in sports history?

I know you're already married (and apparenty very protective of your new bride), but hey, this is business, not personal. Or maybe you can get a Big Love-type thing going on.

Good luck!

The Joe Torre story

2007-05-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

As I have noted before, I am not a fan of Joe Torre.

I think there is a misconception among Yankee haters that Yankee fans think Torre is a great manager. That may be true, or may have been true anyway, when it comes to the casual Yankee fan. (Now there's no shortage of Yankee fans blaming Torre for all that is wrong with the world.)

But there are many Yankee fans, including me, who didn't like Torre when he was hired 11 years ago and don't like him now, four rings or no.

Sometimes I think the case against Torre is overstated -- I do not, for example, believe he is a sign of the impending apocalpyse -- but it also sets my teeth on edge when I hear John Sterling, Suzyn Waldman and Michael Kay blasting Torre's critics as ingrates ("I guess 1996-2000 wasn't good enough for you?"), hypocrites ("no one was complaining when he won four World Series rings!") or second-guessers ("if Kyle Farnsworth had struck out the side, people would say Torre is a genius!").

Isn't it possible to be a Yankee fan and still not like Torre as manager? Heck, isn't it possible that Torre was the right manager a few years ago, but is the wrong manager now?

Torre is a player's manager -- hands-off, laid-back, low-key. He won't jump up and high-five you after a great play, and he won't get in your face and scream after a dumb one. He prefers veterans over rookies, and "his guys" over newcomers. If you are one of his guys, you don't have to worry about losing your job. You'll have time to work through your slump. Joe will protect you.

It must be a comfortable place to work. And sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes that's a bad thing.

When Torre came to the Yankees, there were a number of players -- Joe Girardi, Tino Martinez, Jim Leyritz -- who did the yelling and screaming for him. (At the time, I assumed Paul O'Neill was the in-your-face guy in the dugout, but since then I've heard that O'Neill was always screaming at himself, not at other people.) Scott Brosius would later play this role as well.

There isn't a player like that now. Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez are the lead-by-example types. Jorge Posada sometimes yells, but not always. He seems to direct most of his ire at the other team anyway. Larry Bowa is a screamer, but he's the third base coach, not the manager.

The problem with being a player's manager is if you try to do something different, now you're an asshole. Look at it this way: if Torre demands that Melky Cabrera gets sent down to Triple-A and that Luis Vizcaino gets released, well, then Torre's a traitor. He's throwing guys under the bus to save his own job. (Look at how Philly fans killed Charlie Manuel for putting Brett Myers in the bullpen.)

But if a new guy comes in and does the same thing, hey, he's cleaning house.

The truth is I don't think there's much that can really be done with the Yankees. Maybe you send Cabrera down to figure things out, or at least call up Kevin Thompson so we have another option. You can upgrade at backup catcher over Wil Nieves... woo-hoo. The best possible upgrade on offense would be a real first baseman to replace Doush Phelkiewicz.

For all the bluster about releasing Vizcaino, remember this guy was pretty good last year (3.58 ERA, 1.22 WHIP) for Arizona and not bad the year before that (3.73 ERA, 1.47 WHIP) for the White Sox. The same goes for Kyle Farnsworth, who despite all his struggles might be worth something in trade back to the N.L. There's obviously room to upgrade the middle relief.

There's nothing that can be done about the rotation except wait for the return of Roger Clemens and Phil Hughes -- if we trade for a guy, it would mean sending Hughes back to Triple-A, unless you want to put a hit on Mike Mussina.

So what's Joe's replacement going to do, other than yell and scream?

All that said, if it were my team... I'd fire him. But then again, I would've fired him last year, too.

Who can we blame for this? Part 2

2007-05-19T05:47:00.000-07:00

Last month I asked who can we blame for the Yankees' disappointing start, and a few days later the Yankees answered by firing the performance enhancement director.

Record before Marty Miller was fired: 10-14. Record since then: 8-8.

OK, so that was obviously a step in the right direction. Plus we haven't had any hamstring injuries since then. So kudos to the Yankees for firing Miller.

Unfortunately, even if we can keep up this impressive .500 performance of the post-Miller era, it won't be enough to get us back into the post-season. (Unless we can convince the Red Sox to hire Marty.)

As a diehard Yankee fan, of course I think we're going to go on a 122-game winning streak and finish the season with the best record in baseball. But now that we're officially a quarter of the way through the season, what would be a realistic number to throw out there for the Yankees' win total?

Now, before the season started, I said the Yankees would win 100 games. Appropriately, I titled that post "What the hell do I know?" But let's say the Yankees truly are a 100-win team -- which would be a .617 winning percentage -- that got off to a bad start.

Starting at 18-22, if we play .617 baseball over the final three quarters of the season, we go 75-47 -- and finish the year at 93-69.

In fact, Paul Katcher just blogged earlier this week that, going by Pythagorean winning percentage, the Yankees are really a 94-win team. So let's say 93-69 is a reasonable target -- which would mean no one else gets hurt, but also that Roger Clemens and Phil Hughes don't make much of a difference. We're essentially the same team we are now but some of the breaks start going our way.

Oddly enough, the Red Sox also have played 40 games, but they are 28-12. For us to pass them, they'd have to finish the season going 64-58 (.525 W%). That would leave them at 92-70. And you know what? I don't think that's impossible.

I'm sure Boston fans will scoff at anything less than a .700 winning percentage the rest of the way, but .700 might be more unrealistic than .525. So far they've avoided any major injuries, and they've been getting amazing -- a cynic would say unsustainably amazing -- performances from their pitching staff. Last year they were 86-76, which is just one win better than a .525 W%. On the other hand, you could also point out that they're a better team that they were last year, or that this year they have a .700 Pythagorean winning percentage and that's without any production from J.D. Drew or Manny Ramirez.

It's too early to write off the A.L. East, but just for a moment, what about the wild card? Right now, the Detroit Tigers are leading at 25-16 (.610 W%). If we assume the Yankees win 93 games, the Tigers would have to go 67-54 (.554 W%) to finish at 92-70. Is that unrealistic? Well, if they play in line with their current Pythagorean winning percentage (.561 W%), they would go 68-53 -- which would leave them tied with us at 93 wins.

I know on a cold and gray May morning, coming off a tough loss last night in which we were shut down by yet another lefty, this may look like a lost season. But have hope. We still have a lot of baseball left to play, and the numbers above aren't unrealistic. Clemens and Hughes are coming back, Mariano Rivera is looking better, the offense will start clicking soon.

And if worse comes to worst, we can always fire the assistant to the traveling secretary.

Theme Team: The All Girly Man Team!

2007-05-13T09:51:00.000-07:00

"Who's this team we're playing today? Hannah, Joyce, Ruth, Allison... we're playing a bunch of girls!"

Well, they sure don't hit like girls.

In honor of Mother's Day, I present my next Theme Team: The All Girly Man Team! No, I'm not talking about Dottie Hinson. I mean players who have last names that are better known as girls' first names. I was pretty strict about not letting in guys with last names that could also be girls' names. I wanted each name so that, if you shouted it at a party, a girl would look up. (That's been my goal my entire life!)

So I ruled out the names that are equally, more or less, known as boy's names: Lee, Terry, Kelly, Morgan, Shannon, Ryan. (I did keep names that were once unisex, like Lindsay, but are mostly girls names these days.) I also threw out all those last names that are now trendy first names for girls -- Madison, Taylor, Mackenzie, Jordan, Brett. And I threw out names that aren't really girls' names, even though you could cite a famous example -- Blair (from Facts of Life), Bailey (from WKRP in Cincinnati) or Maris (Niles Crane's wife from Frasier). And I didn't use any names that sound like a girl's name but is spelled differently (Torre, Carroll, Lilly). And I didn't double up... just one of each name.

Whew! That's a lot of restrictions.

Nevertheless, I was still able to put together a pretty good roster for the All Girly Man Team:

Batters:
Any time you can build an offense with an outfield of Ruth, Rose and Lynn, you're going to be in good shape.
C COURTNEY, Clint (1955: .309/.366/.411, 3 HR, 40 RBI in 275 AB; 26 BB, 9 K!) The actress who played Monica on Friends actually spells it Courteney, but there's singer Courtney Love, actress Courtney Thorne-Smith (pictured right) and Courtney Krieger, aka Cover Girl from G.I. Joe. Courtney is technically a unisex name but you won't find many boys with that name these days.

1B GRACE, Mark (1995: .326/.395/.516, 51 2B, 16 HR, 92 RBI) How the hell was Will & Grace such a popular show? Whenever I flip across a re-run I can't push the remote button fast enough. It's like the comic strip "Cathy" but with gay men. I prefer to think of Grace Kelly.

2B LORETTA, Mark (2004: .335/.391/.495, 108 R, 47 2B, 16 HR, 76 RBI). "Get back Loretta!" If you listen to the lyrics of the song, Loretta apparently is a transgendered person. ("Sweet Loretta Martin thought she was a woman/but she was another man.") Huh. There's also Loretta "Hot Lips" Swit, Loretta Young and Loretta Lynn.

3B JOYCE, Bill (1894: .355/.496/.648, 103 R, 14 3B, 17 HR, 21 SB in 355 AB). Remember Dr. Joyce Brothers? There's also actresses Joyce DeWitt and Joyce Van Patten.

SS MARION, Marty (1942: .276/.343/.375, 66 R, 38 2B, 54 RBI, 8 SB). Some might consider this a stretch, as Marion is sometimes a boy's name (most famously it's John Wayne's real name) but there's also Marion Ross (who played Marion Cunningham on Happy Days), Marion Jones and Marion Newman. It's another one of those names that is unlikely to be a boy's name any more.

LF ROSE, Pete (1969: .348/.428/.512, 120 R, 218 H, 33 2B, 82 RBI). He also had good years as a first baseman, second baseman and third baseman, but this was probably his best year (set or tied his career highs in 3B, HR, RBI, BA, OBP, SLG, OPS and runs created). There's Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy, Rose McGowan and Rose from The Golden Girls.

CF LYNN, Fred (1979: .333/.423/.637 116 R, 42 2B, 39 HR, 122 RBI). Yeah yeah, Lynn Swann. Not a lot of other male Lynns, though. As girls go, there's actress Lynn Redgrave, singer Lynn Anderson and scientist Lynn Margulis, aka Mrs. Carl Sagan.

RF RUTH, Babe (1921: .378/.512/.846 177 R, 204 H, 59 HR, 171 RBI, 17 SB). We didn't have much pitching, so I was tempted to use Ruth's 1916 season (23-12, 1.75 ERA, 1.08 WHIP) but that didn't seem fair. Lots of famous Ruths, starting with the one in the Bible. There's also Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Ruth Buzzi and Ruth Gordon. Not a lot of hotties named Ruth.

DH ALLISON, Bob (1964: .287/.404/.553 32 HR, 86 RBI, 10 SB) Allison could play first base or outfield as well. Allison Mack, Allison Crowe, Allison Duncan and Allison Janey -- all lovely women I'm sure, but I've never heard of them.

Bench:
With Rose and Allison in the lineup, we already have a lot of position flexibility. Tracy gives us some pop off the bench.
C HANNAH, Truck (1920: .247/.313/.320, 2 HR, 2 SB in 259 AB) Why is it that every time I hear the name Hannah, my mind automatically adds "...and Her Sisters" even though I never saw the movie?

2B/SS CORA, Joey (1997: .300/.359/.441, 105 R, 40 2B, 6 SB) I took Joey over little brother Alex. Joey was a tough little bug-eyed bastard who would always get big hits against the Yankees. I think everybody who has spent a few years in New York has heard of Cora Ann Mihalik. Also, Cora Munro is the lead female character in The Last of the Mohicans.

IF LINDSAY, Chris (1906: .267/.315/.316, 14 2B, 10 SB in 329 AB) Lindsay spelled this way is almost always a boy's name; spelled Lindsey it is a unisex name, but I think outside of England you aren't going to find a lot of boys named Lindsey no matter how you spell it. There's Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Wagner and Lindsay Davenport.

CM/OF TRACY, Chad (2005: .308/.359/.553 34 2B, 27 HR, 72 RBI). Singer Tracy Chapman, tennis player Tracy Austin and actress Tracy Pollan (aka Mrs. Michael J. Fox). And that doesn't include all the famous women who spell their first name Traci or Tracey or Tracee. Another once-unisex name that is mostly for girls now.

OF PAULA, Carlos (1955: .299/.332/.447 20 2B, 6 HR, 45 RBI). Earl Weaver Baseball had a bunch of all-time great teams and also the '55 Washington Senators, who went 53-101 that year, so you could try to win with a lousy team. This guy always seemed to come through in the clutch for me. Famous Paulas: Paula Poundstone, Paula Deen and Paula DeAnda. (I never heard of the last two but Google says they're famous.)

OF SHARON, Dick (1973: .242/.280/.410 7 HR, 2 SB in 178 AB). Wow, that sounds really dirty. (There also was a pitcher named Dick Joyce.) Sharon for some reason is a popular name among actresses -- there's Sharon Stone, Sharon Lawrence and the late Sharon Tate.

Honorable mention: OF Alberto Lois, 2B Lyle Judy, OF Billy Ashley and OF Hugh Shelley.

Starting Pitchers
Not a lot of great pitchers on the Girly Men. For some reason most of the pitchers with girls names for last names turn out to be left-handed swing men.

RHP PENNY, Brad (2001: 10-10, 3.69 ERA, 1.16 WHIP, 54 BB, 154 K in 205.0 IP). Hmm... I wonder if I could get together an all-currency team? Penny, Curt Schilling, Norm Cash, Don Money... Anyway, this isn't a name you hear all that often anymore, but there's actress/director Penny Marshall, singer Penny Dale and actress Penny Johnson (who played President Palmer's wife on 24.) And don't forget Inspector Gadget's niece.

LHP MAY, Rudy (1980: 15-5, 3.92 ERA, 1.04 WHIP, 33 BB, 133 K in 175.1 IP). There were a lot of deserving Mays among hitters (Carlos May, Dave May, Lee May), but I always liked Rudy May and his goofy glasses. I looked on the Internet for famous women named May and found a few -- May Allison, May Robson, May Sarton -- but none I'd ever heard of. The only truly famous woman named May is Peter Parker's aunt.

RHP PAIGE, Satchel (1948: 6-1, 2.48 ERA, 1.14 WHIP, 22 BB, 43 K in 72.2 IP). I almost ruled out Paige as one of those trendy girl's names that's not really a girl's name, but in fact it's been in the Top 100 for girl's names since 1992, according to the Social Security Administration. Besides, we need right-handed pitching. Paige Moss, Paige Turco, the character Paige from Charmed.

LHP MIRANDA, Angel. (1993: 4-5, 3.30 ERA, 1.27 WHIP, 52 BB, 88 K in 120.0 IP). There also was a hitter named Willy Miranda. Your Miranda rights, by the way, are the result of a law case involving a hapless criminal named Ernesto Miranda. There's Australian supermodel Miranda Kerr (pictured), child actress Miranda Cosgrove and the character Miranda from Sex and the City.

LHP SHIRLEY, Bob. (1985: 5-5, 2 SV, 2.64 ERA, 1.18 WHIP, 26 BB, 55 K in 109.0 IP). Had 8 starts and 40 relief appearances; we'll use him in the rotation. In addition to Laverne & Shirley, there's child star/ambassador Shirley Temple, politician/activist Shirley Chisolm and actress/weirdo Shirley MacLaine. And of course, the classic line "I am serious... and don't call me Shirley."

On the way up: Radhames Liz, a hard-throwing but erratic right-handed starting pitcher with Baltimore's Double-A Bowie club.

Relief Pitchers
A mostly right-handed bullpen to balance out our mostly left-handed rotation.

RHP BELINDA, Stan (1991: 7-5, 16 SV, 3.45 ERA, 1.08 WHIP, 35 BB, 71 K in 78.1 IP). Our closer. In addition to Belinda Carlisle, there's Mexican singer Belinda and Canadian politician Belinda Stronach.

RHP MEREDITH, Cla (2006: 5-1, 0 SV, 1.07 ERA, 0.71 WHIP, 6 BB, 37 K in 50.2 IP). Real name: Olise. There's Meredith Baxter (who dropped the Birney in 1989 but everybody still calls her that), Meredith Vieira and Meredith L. Patterson, "the smart, polite nerd."

RHP SHERRY, Larry. (1959: 7-2, 2.19 ERA, 1.25 WHIP, 43 BB, 72 K in 94.1 IP). A swing-man this year (9 starts, 14 relief appearances) but was primarily a reliever; won the '59 World Series MVP as a reliever with 2 saves and 2 relief wins. There's actresses Sherry Stringfield, Sherry Miller and Sherry Jackson. The most famous "Sherry" didn't spell it that way -- the woman with Lamb Chop was Shari Lewis.

LHP FLORENCE, Don (1995: 14 games, 17 hits, 6 walks, 2 earned runs, 5 strikeouts in 12.0 IP). Our situational one-out lefty; hopefully he won't get used a lot. There's Florence Henderson of course, and also Florence Nightingale (who was named after the city in Italy, where she was born) and Florence Griffith-Joyner, aka Flo-Jo.

RHP LARA, Yovanny (2000: 6 games, 5 hits, 8 walks, 4 earned runs, 3 strikeouts in 5.2 IP). We won't be using him much either, but I couldn't pass up running this picture of Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft. There's also actress Lara Flynn Boyle and violinist Lara St. John.

Honorable mention to Julie Wera, Nellie Fox, Loren Babe and Judy Johnson, who had first names of girls but not last names. And also Rod Beck and Doc Nance, who sort of had girls' names but not really. And Mel Queen and Travis Chick and Tommy Herr and Bake McBride. Anyone I missed?

So there you have it, a 25-girly man roster. Not a bad team. I think, because of the pitching, the Swinging Johnsons would likely beat them, but what a game. Girls vs. Johnsons! Sounds like fun.

The Gd damned Jets

2007-04-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

I was going to write a long post about the Jets. It was going to talk about Matt Leinart and Brady Quinn. The fact remains that nothing says it better than this video. The Jets have no concept on how to build a franchise, how to please their fans, and how to reach the level of the NFL elite. They are an embarrassment to their fans.

I didn't want you anyway... I think

2007-04-29T11:13:00.000-07:00

Picture the scene: You're at a crowded bar with your boys watching the game and checking out a cutie sitting with her girlfriends at a nearby table. She catches you looking and you glance away. Then you catch her looking and she glances away. Then, eye contact. Shy smiles.

Meanwhile, your mind is racing: Should you walk over there? Should you buy her a drink? Should you buy her a drink and bring it to her yourself? But then... she stands up! She walks over! She smiles again! And then she... talks to the guy standing behind you. And, even worse, the guy standing behind you is a dick.

So of course you think... I didn't want her anyway.

Now picture that same scenario, only instead of a cutie, it's Randy Moss.

For several months, it's been rumored that my Packers were about to swing a deal for the 30-year-old wide receiver. And I really didn't know how to feel about that.

My heart said, "Randy Moss!" That punk with Minnesota, who every game would dog it for three quarters, then kill us in the final two minutes? But even worse was the mooning incident. How could we even consider trading for a guy who pretended to moon the cheeseheads in Lambeau Field? (My outrage at this incident was later somewhat tempered when I learned that some Packer fans hang around after games to moon the visiting team's bus.)

But my head said, "Randy Moss!" I mean, who is the best wide receiver Brett Favre has ever had? Sterling Sharpe for the last two years of his career (and Favre's first two). Brett also caught the tail end of Andre Rison. Outside of those guys, I guess it would have to be Donald Driver, Robert Brooks or Antonio Freeman. Clearly, none of these guys is in Moss's league. Heck, do you think any of those guys would have ever had a 1,000-yard season with anybody but Favre throwing him the ball?

So while my heart and my head are feuding about Moss wearing the Green and Gold, I hear that Moss has been traded... to the Patriots.

For a fourth-round pick.

Huh.

The Raiders gave up Moss for the 110th pick overall. The Packers had the 112th pick. You would think the Packers could have made up the difference of just two spots by throwing in a later pick, or something. (In fact, the Pack did trade #112, to Pittsburgh, for a 4th and a 6th, #119 and #192.)

Talk about devaluation. Just two years ago, the Raiders gave up the 7th pick overall plus a seventh-round pick and linebacker Napolean Harris to get Moss, who was the 21st pick of the 1998 draft. Now he's worth just the 110th pick? Heck, we got a second-round pick for Javon Walker last year. Walker is just two years younger, is just as much a pain in the ass and blew out his knee in 2005. Go figure.

So. Moss got traded. We flirted a little, he walked over, but wound up talking to the other guy.

What a bitch.

Who can we blame for this?

2007-04-28T07:07:00.000-07:00

Seven losses in a row. The third-worst record in baseball, ahead of only the Kansas City Royals and the Washington Nationals.

There is one question going around Yankeeland at the moment.

The question is not: "Is it too soon to panic?" It's never too soon to panic! Have you ever heard Jerome from the Bronx? Now, I know you may think Jerome from the Bronx is not representative of all Yankee fans, or for that matter, representative of non-institutionalized people in general. However, I have it on good authority that Jerome from the Bronx is the nom de plume of Hank Steinbrenner.

The question is not: "Is the season over?" We're 6-1/2 games behind the Red Sox, 5 games under .500, 4 games out of the wild card. (Heh) But that is not the question. We all know the answer to that. For better or for worse, the season is not over. Yogi Berra was a Yankee, after all.

The question is not: "Who can save us?" We all know the answer to that. Oh wait, we already tried that? Good thing we still have the number for this guy.

The question is not: "Why is this night unlike all other nights?" Because for the last seven nights in a row, it's pretty much been the same night.

No, the question is: "Who can we blame?"

Blame Joe Torre. I wanted to fire Torre at the end of last season, so I'm the last guy to defend him. This team has always won despite Torre, not because of him. As the old saying goes, "Managers can't win games, but they sure as hell can lose them." Morris Buttermaker could do a better job. But you know what? Blaming Torre for doing what he's done for 12 seasons is ridiculous. It's like blaming Fredo. Torre is what he is and he does what he does.

Blame Mariano Rivera. I already defended Mo, although he sure didn't help his case last night. Still, how can you blame Rivera? He's had just two save opportunities. You want to say if he was the Mo of Old -- meaning, last year -- that we'd be 10-11 instead of 8-13? OK, fine. Feel better now?

Blame injuries. Yeah, it's Gene Monahan's fault! Hideki Matsui, Chien-Ming Wang and Mike Mussina have already spent time on the D.L.; Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada and Johnny Damon have already had to sit out a couple games. But of course, the biggest blow has been the loss of Carl Pavano. Alright, so we can blame injuries, but a) that sounds like whining, b) injuries happen to everybody and c) you can't fire injuries. Next!

Blame Brian Cashman. It didn't occur to me to blame Cashman but it has occurred to other people, and they make some interesting points. After all, Cashman apparently "had hand" this winter, getting to exorcise the roster of Steinbrenner must-haves like Randy Johnson and Gary Sheffield, and winning the fight to save Torre's job. It's rare to fire a general manager in the middle of the season, though, so Torre would likely go first, followed by Cashman after the season. (Not that Big Stein would fire Cashman -- he'd just make him serve out the remaining year on his contract as a "consultant," which probably means cleaning the pigeon poop off the giant baseball bat in front of Yankee Stadium.)

Blame A-Rod. No, I'm not kidding. I've heard people call sports talk radio stations saying Alex Rodriguez is the reason the Yankees suck. When A-Rod does good, the rest of the team does bad. (Or is it when the team does bad, A-Rod does good? I was never too good at imaginary causality.) Well, good news! A-Rod went 0-for-3 last night and is 1-for-10 in his last three games, so we must be winning again, right? Or, better yet: A-Rod is in a 1-for-10 slump, we can blame the last three losses on him!

No, there's only one person we can blame for this: Rosie O'Donnell. Damn you, Rosie O'Donnell! Ever since you announced you were quitting The View, Derek just hasn't been the same.

Can I Get A Towel?

2007-04-25T09:45:00.001-07:00

In all seriousness, Karl Ravech may be the biggest sissy on TV. As the host of "Baseball Tonight" on ESPN I've had to watch him nearly cry TWICE in the past two days. The first time being when Steve Phillips pointed out that ARod has more home runs than eight or nine TEAMS!

Phillips then said....

Phillips: "It's hard to question a guy being worth 25 million when he hits more home runs than whole teams with twice as much money spent on entire payroll."

This set Ravech off on a sissy fit! He screams about "No one is worth that" and then the highlight of any debate.... "I'm not even going to discuss this"

Huh?

You're the anchor of an analysis show Karl! That's your fucking job! To discuss AND debate the topics of the day. Generally I find Steve Phillips to be a poor judge of anything doing with talent (See: Scott Kazmir Trade) but he may have a point here.

If Arod is being more productive than entire TEAMS offensively than it stands to reason he's worth a lot of money. But since Karl REFUSED to even discuss the topic we move on...

To last night... And the Torii Hunter story. The one where he sent the Royals four bottles of champagne to "Thank them" for sweeping the White Sox at the end of last year. Thus, making it possible for the Twins to make the playoffs. Now apparently, there is some little known rule in baseball's rule book that states such an action is worthy of at LEAST a three year suspension. Most sane people I've heard discuss this are on Torii's side and think the whole thing is a bit silly to say the least.

Not Ravech!

Nope, he thinks a "rule is a rule" no matter how fucking dumb! And just to recap here, in MLB...

Throwing at a batter's head = 5 games

Corked bat = 10 games

Steroids = 50 games

Bottle of bubbly = THREE FUCKING YEARS!

Anyone with common sense can see what I'm getting at.... Torii Hunter was having some fun and the Royals never even opened the bottles. They sent them back. A simple warning would do here. However, in Karl Revech's tiny mind "a rule is a rule"

Something I watched him repeat last night so many times, in rapid succession, he nearly hyperventilated and I'm almost certain he did begin to cry.

Some one get this guy's mother to powder his ass and wipe his nose..... And get me someone with a set of balls to discuss sports on my TV.

What's Wrong With Mariano... again

2007-04-20T20:05:00.000-07:00

It seems like every April, Mariano Rivera blows a couple saves in a row and people start asking, "What's wrong with Mariano?"

It's a question everyone will be asking after Marco Scutaro on Sunday and Alex Cora tonight.

So far this year, Mariano is 0-for-2 in save opportunities. I don't know what's the most surprising: That on April 20, Mo has 0 saves; that he has 2 blown saves; or that he has just two save opportunities.

So... what's wrong with Mariano?

The little angel on one shoulder says there's nothing wrong. According to John Flaherty, who I think is doing an excellent job as the Yankees color man on YES, Mo's velocity is there, but his location is off. Flaherty would know, don't you think? It's early in the year, he hasn't been used much at all -- just six times in the Yankees' first 15 games, and not since Sunday -- so it's to be expected. By next month, he'll be the same ol' Mo.

But the little devil on the other shoulder -- who I'm sure wears a hideous green jersey -- says it's the beginning of the end. Mariano is 37 years old and not a big guy (he's listed at 185 pounds, which I'm assuming means he was weighed while standing on a case of Bigelow Green Tea). Maybe what we thought was a positive sign in spring training -- Mo working on a changeup -- was actually a bad omen, a sign that Rivera knew the cutter wasn't going to be enough anymore.

Well, screw you, little devil! There's nothing wrong with Mariano. It's just Mo being Mo.

On April 26 of last year, Rivera had 2 losses, 1 blown save and a 4.91 ERA. He finished the year with just 5 losses, 3 blown saves and a 1.80 ERA.

And the year before that, on April 13, 2005, he had 1 loss, 2 blown saves and, again, a 4.91 ERA. He'd also given up 4 walks against just 4 Ks in 9.0 IP. He finished that year with just 4 losses, 4 blown saves and a 1.38 ERA, and a ridiculous 80 Ks to 18 BB in 78.1 IP.

So don't worry about Mariano -- unless you have him in a rotisserie league that I am also in, in which case, stick a fork in him. But before you release him, I'll take him off your hands for Ruddy Lugo. I'd hate to see you give up Mo for nothing, and what the heck, he can have one last go-round on my team.

Strictly for sentimental reasons, of course.

Throwing some chips at the Tropicana

2007-04-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

I love to play poker. My particular brand of poker growing up was seven card stud, but Rounders, The World Series of Poker, and the World Poker Tour have converted me to Texas Hold ‘Em. For awhile the rare trip to Atlantic City was spent playing low limit hold ‘em. Recently, however, I have started playing the 1 – 2 no limit game. I find this to be a far more pleasurable experience and will NEVER play low limit hold ‘em again.

No more tournaments!

Upon my arrival at the casino I played in an $80 dollar buy in tournament. This is something else I will never do again. The blind structure during the daily tournaments at the Trop goes up far too fast for anything but wild play and turns the tournament into a game of luck versus a game of skill. This was not the first tournament I played in AC and have found them all to be exactly the same. You may have one moment to get really healthy in terms of your chip stack and if you blow it, you are done. There is no chance to recover from a mistake because you will lose your chips to the blinds before you can blink. I had my moment and I blew it. Please be clear, this is not a bad beat story. This is yours truly knowing the right play and blowing it. I got timid in the face of a large bet (about 60% of my stack) and folded when I should have pushed all in and gambled on a very good draw. My money card fell on the turn and I was out of the tournament soon after.

I made a safe play to try and keep myself alive, but I should have made the aggressive play because the blinds were increasing at a breakneck pace. When the blinds go up so fast they become a player in the tournament it significantly decreases my enjoyment of the game.

Delusions?

The rest of the time I spent at the 1 – 2 no limit table with great success, winning around $400. I am a solid player, but not a spectacular one. Annoyed is the best player among the contributors here in The Cheap Seats, but I would say I am consistently the most disciplined. I realize the data sample is entirely too small to make a real judgment, but based on some observations I believe I could make a living playing cards if I wanted to.

Observations –

I turned over three losing hands out of about 500 seen. This tells me I am getting out of hands when appropriate and not chasing cards.
I got paid off on all of my big hands, save one. (In the 1-2 game the maximum buy in is $300, for my purposes pots of over $100 are what I consider getting paid off.)
I lived by the rule “better to win a small pot than lose a big one,” and was extremely successful doing it.
It is imperative that you sit at a table that has a style you are comfortable with. I played 4 sessions of 4 hours or more and was on the plus side in 3 out of the 4. In the 4^th the tone of the table was not to my particular liking and I ended up down for that session.
I bet when I had something and I got out of hands when I had nothing. What I observed almost immediately last week is that bluffing at that level is a waste of time and in the long run will cost you money. If you have an especially tight table image you might be able to get away with it occasionally, but super aggressive, bet it up with any two cards play will just get you busted.

Conclusions -

Overall my latest Atlantic City experience was an incredibly positive one. The Trop upgraded our room to the new Havana Tower and we had a great view of the ocean, downbeach and marina areas of the city. The room was clean and comfortable and the water pressure in the shower was good. The staff was courteous and the dealers we efficient at keeping the action moving and appreciative of the tips they received. I highly recommend the Tropicana and will probably stay there again the next time I am in town to throw some chips.