Are You Prepared For the Milano Effect?

D.Isaac pointed me to this and I just had to be the millionth guy on the Internet to write about.

Forget about performance enhancing drugs. MLB might have to ban Alyssa Milano.

The little girl from Who's the Boss is now all grown up. (Man, is she ever.) And apparently she has a thing for baseball players, particularly pitchers: Carl Pavano (2003), Barry Zito (2004-2005), Brad Penny (2005) and Tom Glavine (2006-2007). (The Who's Dated Who website claims she also dated Greg Vaughn -- but he was an actor, not the baseball player.)

And, as Beanster on The Hardball Times noted, Zito, Pavano and Penny all were mediocre while dating Alyssa, then pitched much better immediately after the break-up (the "Milano Bounce") but then later crashed (the "Milano Meltdown").

Beanster doesn't include Glavine in his study, probably because Glavine doesn't follow the same neat path of mediocre while dating, good soon after, and then awful. He was good while dating her (2006), mediocre after the break-up (2007), and then awful (2008). Maybe it was true love. But, c'mon. Glavine? You're like a hundred years old, dude. Stay away from my sweet Alyssa. It's bad enough Pavano spilled his ragu on her.

Milano is supposedly swearing off baseball players and is now engaged to agent David Bugliari, so maybe we've seen the last of the Milano Effect. Or will it be distributed to all the people David represents?

Paging Richard Simmons...

Until they start playing Spring Training games later this week, there's really not much for reporters to do in Florida and Arizona. After you've filed your daily quota of A-Roid stories, what else is there to write about? There's the occasional elbow twinge and shoulder tightness story, and maybe if you're lucky you'll find a pitcher who tells you he's developing a new pitch or found a new grip for his change-up or what-have-you.

But if all else fails, write about weight.

Homer Bailey, Travis Hafner and Chase Headley each lost about 10 pounds. Bill Hall lost about 15. Jose Guillen lost 15 to 20 pounds. Oddly enough, Met infielders Luis Castillo and Marlon Anderson each lost exactly 17 pounds. Ryan Howard lost 20 pounds, while Aaron Harang lost 25. Brett Myers beat them out by losing 30, as did Jose Contreras -- even though he won't pitch for at least a few more months with a ruptured Achilles. It's so bad that one reporter noted that Lou Whitaker had lost about 20 pounds over the last two years. Great news for those looking at Whitaker as a deep, deep sleeper in your 50-and-over league.

But if you're serious about writing a weight story, there's just one man to talk to. Prince Fielder is "trimmer" this spring but won't say how much weight he lost.

"I don't like scales," Fielder said, chuckling. "Scales are not cool."

No advice from Prince as to how he lost the weight, except he says he's a vegetarian. But he also said he was a vegetarian last year, and he admitted he "got huge" last season. The man can scarf down broccoli like no one's business.

If you're looking for weight loss tips, just talk to Heath Bell. The newly annointed Padres closer says he lost 25 pounds thanks to his Nintendo Wii.

"It said I was obese," Bell said. "If you're obese, it makes [your character on screen] obese. I was disappointed that I was that big. I literally took the game to heart. I did the work but I kind of credit the Wii Fit."

The "biggest loser" I've found so far this spring is Carlos Silva, who reportedly lost 35 pounds. His secret?

Now, after painful yoga training and a nutritionist fine tuning his diet — cutting meals from two steaks to one; prohibiting meals after 7 p.m.; encouraging him to go to sleep by 9:30 instead of midnight—Silva has lost 35 pounds.

Dude, just one steak per meal? That is harsh!