I have not relented in my unhealthy obsession with Bobby Hill, not the kid from King of the Hill but rather the former can't-miss prospect who missed. Hill was a Scott Boras client who elected not to sign with the White Sox after they took him in the second round of the 1999 amateur draft; instead, he played a year with the independent league Newark Bears. The following year, the Cubs took him in the draft and he did sign. After a few years in the minors, but never really getting a shot to play, and a few injuries, he's now back where it all began, with the Newark Bears.
Through Newark's first 18 games, Bobby is still getting on base (.373 OBP) but is hitting just .246; he no longer has any speed and he never had much power. A .246 BA/.721 OPS from a second baseman wouldn't impress you if he did it in Triple-A, and this isn't even Triple-A. This is the Atlantic League, where the level of competition is uneven to say the least.
At least Bobby is out-hitting a couple other former phenoms, Randall Simon and Calvin Pickering. In fact, you could go through the Atlantic League and put together an intriguing roster of has-beens, almost-weres and never-wuzzes.
The Atlantic League's "Where Are They Now?" All-Star Team:
Starters: C Jason Phillips (Camden) - .320/.393/.400 in 25 AB 1B Randall Simon (Newark) - .226/.258/.306 in 62 AB 2B Brent Abernathy (Long Island) - .320/.346/.360 in 50 AB 3B Brandon Larson (Somserset) - .338/.411/.508 in 65 AB SS Alex Prieto (Bridgeport) - .191/.263/.235 in 68 AB LF Curtis Pride (Maryland) - .212/.350/.318 in 66 AB CF Val Majewski (Newark) - .300/.390/.400 in 50 AB RF Carl Everett (Long Island) - .323/.440/.468 in 62 AB DH Calvin Pickering (Bridgeport) - .161/.333/.339 in 56 AB
Reserves: C Mike Rose (Long Island) - .156/.289/.219 in 32 AB C/1B Matt LeCroy (Lancaster) - .129/.206/.226 in 31 AB UT Bobby Hill (Newark) - .246/.373/.348 in 69 AB UT Damian Jackson (Maryland) - .000/.222/.000 in 7 AB OF Mike Vento (Camden) - .125/.200/.125 in 8 AB
Starting Pitchers: SP John Halama (Maryland) - 2.36 ERA, 0.97 WHIP in 26.2 IP SP Brian Lawrence (Camden) - 3.97 ERA, 1.37 WHIP in 22.2 IP SP Eric Dubose (Bridgeport) - 4.50 ERA, 1.55 WHIP in 22.0 IP SP Ryan Drese (Camden) - 4.87 ERA, 1.57 WHIP in 20.1 IP SP Jason Simontacchi (Long Island) - 6.43 ERA, 1.64 WHIP in 14.0 IP
Relievers: RP Bret Prinz (Somerset) - 0.00 ERA, 1.00 WHIP in 9.0 IP RP Travis Wade (Maryland) - 3.12 ERA, 1.50 WHIP in 8.2 IP RP Wayne Franklin (York) - 3.86 ERA, 1.41 WHIP in 16.1 IP RP Jeff Farnsworth (Maryland) - 6.35 ERA, 1.59 WHIP in 22.2 IP RP Will Cunnane (Newark) - 6.55 ERA, 1.91 WHIP in 11.0 IP RP Brian Shackelford (Maryland) - 0.00 ERA, 3.00 WHIP in 1.1 IP
Whoa, I see I haven't done a Theme Team since August. Let's get back on track with a team near and dear to my heart... the All-Butch Team.
You might think this is a team of all women's field hockey players. And you would be wrong. That's mean. Because there are some women who play field hockey who aren't butch at all. And some who very clearly could kick my ass. So as to not to offend either group, let's move on with the team, shall we?
The All-Butch Team
What is your name? Butch. What does it mean? I'm American, honey. Our names don't mean shit. -- Pulp Fiction
I thought I could field a team of just guys whose first name appears as "Butch" in Baseball Reference, but there's not enough of them for a full team -- there's only 16. So I also included guys who are listed as having the nickname "Butch," and a couple minor leaguers. As it was I could only find eight pitchers, including two from college teams and one had just one appearance in the minors.
Apparently if you want your kid to grow up to be a catcher, give him the nickname Butch. I could barely scrape together 25 players for a roster, and yet I found eight guys named Butch who were catchers. Go figure.
The other thing I learned from doing this list is if you name your son Elmer or Wallace or Clell, and then doubly screw him by giving him a middle name like Le Roy or McArthur or Lavern, you can pretty much guarantee your kid will either be beaten up a lot, or beat up a lot of other kids and thus get a nickname like Butch.
BATTERS:
C Butch Wynegar: Harold Delano Wynegar Jr. came up with the Twins, finishing second in the Rookie of the Year balloting as a 20-year-old catcher in '76 (.260 BA, .719 OPS), but to me he'll always be a Yankee. A switch-hitter who could work a walk but had absolutely no power -- his career slugging average (.347) is actually less than his career on-base percentage (.348). How is that possible? You need to have a lot of sacrifices. He had 58 career sacrifice bunts compared to 65 career home runs. That's pretty impressive. He's now the hitting coach for the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees, a team I suspect will have some very good bunters.
1B Butch Schmidt: Charles John Schmidt had four years in the bigs -- one game as a pitcher with the 1909 Highlanders, and three years as a first baseman with the Boston Braves. His best year came in 1914, helping to lead the "Miracle Braves" to an improbable comeback and World Series sweep. Schmidt hit .285 with a .350 OBP, which must have been pretty good, because he tied for 16th in the MVP voting. He apparently was a very good fielder.
2B Butch Kolloway: Donald Martin Kolloway also went by "Cab," which is funnier. But someone apparently called him Butch. Kolloway was pretty big for a 1940s second baseman (6'3", 200 pounds) and later played third and first, but played more than 600 of his 1,079 MLB games at second base. His best year was probably 1949, when he hit .292 -- a very empty .292 (.359 OBP, .355 SLG, 7 SB, 7 CS). But that same year he had 49 walks to just 26 strikeouts in 487 at-bats.
3B Butch Keltner: Kenneth Frederick Keltner -- I've always heard him referred to just as Ken, but hey, it says (Butch) next to his name on Baseball Reference, and we need players, so he's in. Keltner's last game was in 1950, so as fans who saw him play continue to die off, he'll probably be best remembered for the "Keltner List" created by Bill James. Looking at his numbers now, it's hard to believe anyone thought he should be in the Hall of Fame. I guess his best year was 1948, when he hit .297 (.395 OBP, .522 SLG) with 31 HR and 119 RBI. That was one of only two seasons where he had 100 RBIs, and one of three where he had more than 20 HRs. But he was a six-time All-Star and was a good fielder.
SS Butch Kirby: The only Butch I've found, minors or majors, to ever play any shortstop at all. In 289 minor league games, Kirby played 19 games at short, and that is apparently the Butch record. Sad, isn't it? His best year was '81, in the Rookie League for the Brewers; he hit .307 (.736 OPS). His career minor league numbers are atrocious (.246, .618) but I need a shortstop. Apparently there also was a professional bull rider named Butch Kirby in the 1980s; maybe he gave up baseball for rodeo?
LF Butch Nieman: Elmer Le Roy Nieman was an outfielder with the Boston Braves during World War II. His best year was probably his last one, when he hit .247 but with a .361 OBP and .478 SLG; he also had 14 HRs and 11 SBs, in just 247 ABs. If they had rotisserie baseball in '45 he would've been a great $1 player for somebody. When the war was over and the stars came back to the league, Nieman was sent back to the minors and never got another chance, even though he put up some Jack Cust-like numbers: he led the Western Association in HRs, RBIs and BBs for four straight years. Like many other Butches on this list, he also was a minor-league manager.
CF Butch Davis: Wallace McArthur Davis had a hell of a rookie year in '83, but then gave it all back the next season. Really! He had I think two of the most remarkable back-to-back years in MLB history: .344/.359/.508 in 122 AB, and then .147/.211/.224 in 116 AB. How can you be that good one year and that bad the next? After that, Davis would have to wait until '93 to get another chance, and it was pretty much right down the middle (.245/.273/.415). He's now a minor league instructor with the Baltimore Orioles, not the head coach of the University of North Carolina football team.
RF Butch Huskey: Robert Leon Huskey was aptly named -- they said he weighed 244 pounds but I think that was with only one foot on the scale. If your last name is Huskey you definitely don't want to get sent to fat camp, but that's what happened. At the time he was "a good 30 pounds" over 244. I remember in the early 1990s there was a big battle as to who would be the next great Met batter, Huskey or Carl Everett. Despite Butch's awesome name, I always rooted for Everett, because I have a soft spot for crazy people. Remember that famous Bob Murphy home run call when Everett hit one off the scoreboard at Shea? "Oh, how far will it go!" Anyway, I remember Huskey as a third baseman but the Mets gave up on that battle; he actually only had 64 games at third, compared to 342 in the outfield, 124 at first and 88 at DH, which was probably his best position. We'll stick him in right field, where he played the bulk (sorry) of his career. His best season was probably '97, when he hit .287 (.822 OPS) with 24 HR and 81 RBI in 471 AB.
DH Butch Hobson: Clell Lavern Hobson played for the Red Sox in the '70s; his best year was '77 (.265/.300/.489, 30 HR, 112 RBI). He was awful defensively and struck out a lot, but he could hit the long ball. He managed the Red Sox for three seasons, and then in the minors; unfortunately, you might remember him for getting arrested with cocaine while the manager of the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Red Barons. But he's back in baseball now, managing an independent league team.
BENCH:
C Butch Henline: Walter John Henline hit .324 with a .407 OBP for the Phillies in 1923 -- 37 walks against 33 strikeouts, in 330 at-bats. He liked to put the ball in play. He only had 14 HRs that year, but actually, that tied him for 8th, and with 3 more dingers he would've been tied for 3rd. After his playing days were over he became an umpire -- in the minors from 1939 to 1944, and in the majors from 1945 to 1948.
C Butch Sutcliffe: This guy's real name was Charles Inigo Sutcliffe. Inigo, how cool is that? Sutcliffe had just 4 at-bats (1 hit, 2 walks, 2 RBIs!) in 4 games in 1938. He also had three appearances at catcher and made two errors, so maybe he wasn't a great glove man. He was yet another guy who played for the N.L. team in Boston, then known as the Bees.
Why do so many guys named Butch get turned into catchers? There's five others who didn't make the cut: Butch Biela, Butch Benton, Butch Garcia, Butch O'Donnell and Butch Rementer. Biela, as far as I can determine, is the only active Butch in professional baseball. The 18-year-old hit .302 with a .408 OBP in 106 at-bats for the Pirates' Rookie Ball team this year. Go Butch go!
1B/3B/OF Butch Alberts: Francis Burt Alberts went 5-for-18 (with a double) in his only MLB season, 1978 with Toronto. He was a star player in college (University of Cincinnati) and a pretty good player in the minors -- he led the Texas League in batting with a .342 batting average in 1975 -- but he never really got a chance in the majors. Maybe it was the glasses.
1B Butch Kaufman: Butch Kaufman put up some monster numbers for Ashland University in 2002, hitting .400 (.990 OPS) in 150 ABs. Not sure what happened to him since, but I'm sure he'd sign up for this team. So much Butchness!
IF Butch Bellenger: Bellenger was an infielder in the Pirates organization in '96 and '97, never getting above A-ball; his minor league career numbers: .229 BA, .268 OBP, .316 SLG. Not good. But I needed a utility infielder, so he's in.
OF Butch Mierkowicz: Edward Frank Mierkowicz also was known as Mouse, which is a funny nickname for a guy who was 6-foot-4 in 1945. He played in four seasons but had just 63 at-bats (.175 BA, .494 OPS). He did win a World Series with the Tigers in 1945, appearing in one game but not getting up to the plate.
OF Butch Sanicki: Edward Robert Sanicki was a Jersey boy -- he went to Clifton High School and then Seton Hall University. He played briefly for the Phillies in '49 and '51, getting only 20 plate appearances total, but that was enough to set a major league record. Sanicki went 5-for-17, but with 1 2B and 3 HRs for a ridiculous .882 slugging percentage and .558 isolated power; that's the highest career SLG and ISO of any player with at least 20 plate appearances. His 1.251 OPS is the second highest behind the immortal Joe Peitz (1.262). He later returned to Clifton High School, where he was a special education teacher for 30 years.
OF Butch Will: Robert Lee Will played six seasons, all with the Cubs; his only full season was 1960, when he hit .255 (.694 OPS) with 20 2B and 6 HR in 475 AB. Oddly enough, he had 9 triples that year, and none in his other five seasons. He also stole just two bases (and was caught 6 times) in his career; how the hell did he hit 9 triples in 1960?
SP Butch Wensloff: Charles William Wensloff had a big year as a rookie for the Yankees in 1943 (13-11, 2.54 ERA, 1.11 WHIP), but remember, all the star players were off winning the war. After that, Wensloff was drafted. He was back up again in '47 and had a decent year as a right-handed swingman (2.61 ERA, 1.22 WHIP in 5 starts, 6 relief appearances), pitched two scoreless relief innings to help the Yankees win the World Series, and then just one relief appearance in '48 and he was done.
SP Butch Henry: Floyd Bluford Henry was a left-handed pitcher in the 1990s; he played for six teams in a seven-year career. I remember him as a reliever for some reason, but he actually had more starts (91) than relief appearances (57). In fact, there was only one year where he was mostly a reliever, in '97, and even that year he had 5 starts. Every other year more than half his appearances were as a starter. Anyway, Henry's best season was '94, when he went 8-3 with 1 SV in 15 starts and 9 relief appearances; he had a 2.43 ERA and a 1.09 WHIP. He's now the manager of the El Paso Diablos.
SP Butch Sanders: Roy Garvin Sanders also went by the nickname Pepe. That's a combination you don't see a lot, "Call me Butch or Pepe." Anyway, the right-hander had a pretty good year in 1918 for the Pirates, going 7-9 with 1 SV (but a 2.60 ERA and 1.20 WHIP) in 14 starts and 14 relief appearances; his only other year in the bigs was with the Reds in 1917, when he went 0-1 in two starts (7 ER, 12 H, 16 BB in 14.0 IP -- ouch!)
SP Butch Edge: Claude Lee Edge was a right-handed starter with the Blue Jays in '79; he spent about six weeks in the majors and got nine starts, going 3-4. And the question is, how did he win three games? (5.23 ERA, 1.63 WHIP, 24 BB, 19 K in 51.2 IP) I think the coolest thing about him, other than his name of course, is that his Baseball-Reference page is sponsored by Edge Embossing. If I need any microfabrication integration, they are definitely getting a call from me.
BULLPEN:
RP Butch Metzger: Clarence Edward Metzger actually finished his career with the Mets. How cool is that? Considering the '78 Mets finished in dead last, do you think the front office was like, "What the hell, Metzger, Mets, maybe it will get us some headlines." The right-hander actually did have one really great year - he won the Rookie of the Year Award in '76, going 11-4 with 16 saves (2.92 ERA, 1.39 WHIP) in 77 games. That was pretty much it. He had 140 walks in 293.1 career innings, which isn't good.
RP Butch Baccala: Here's a mystery. Butch Baccala pitched just one game for the Low-A Phillies in 1983; he gave up 3 earned runs on 2 hits, 3 walks and 1 wild pitch in 3 innings. But he also struck out 6 guys. And then that's it... he's never heard from again. Did some lucky fan win a chance to pitch a few innings? Apparently he's now a scout for the Reds.
RP Butch Pucetas: This sounds like the name of a porn star... hard-core lesbian porn I guess. "And starring... Wendy 'Butch' Pucetas as the prison warden." Pucetas is a reliever at Furman College; he gave up 12 earned runs on 20 hits and 7 walks in 14.0 innings in 2007.
RP Butch Mills: This guy pitched in 11 games for the University of Maryland (Eastern Shore) in 2005, going 0-1 with a 13.80 ERA and a 2.93 WHIP. That's 23 ER, 25 H and 19 BB in 15.0 IP. Wow. Hey, I'm desperate for arms.
So, that's it, the All-Butch Team. I have to say it's not a very strong team. We only have eight pitchers and half of them suck. The offense isn't too good either. Well, maybe we won't win a lot of games, but at least we'll all know what to call each other.
Remember Agent Johnson and Special Agent Johnson from Die Hard? ("No relation.")
One of them answers a phone call a little later:
"This is Agent Johnson. (sigh) No, the other one."
Well, recently I've seen some names in boxscores that have made me say, "hey wait a minute, isn't that..." And, if Agent Johnson was here, he'd say, "No, the other one."
Names are funny things. You grow up thinking you've got this unique designation, and then you Google yourself and discover some other a-holes are using your name! It's even worse for baseball players, as we know the name of almost every man who has stepped on the field for more than 100 years. In fact, if you have the same name as another player, we can tell you apart through middle names, dates of birth or even by height and weight. We know, for example, that the Joe Smith on the 2007 Mets is not the same Joe Smith who was on the 1913 Yankees. Go figure!
In addition to those who share the names of historic or current baseball players, there are those players who have the names of famous people. Sometimes it's just bad luck -- the pitcher Kenny Rogers was already 12 years old when the singer Kenny Rogers released The Gambler. But come on, Milton Bradley? Howard Johnson?
I wanted to make a team of all these same-name guys, but it would be kind of boring just to point out all the guys with very common names, like Carlos Martinez (four currently in professional baseball) or Ben Johnson (three). I also didn't find it all that interesting to remind people that there was a player 50 years ago named Frank Thomas or a mediocre pitcher 15 years ago named Cris Carpenter. And as for guys who named after their baseball-playing dads -- like Fernando Valenzuela Jr., Frank Viola III or Wally Backman II -- that's too easy.
No, the guys on this Theme Team are rookies and minor leaguers whose names will make you go, "hey, is that...?" When play-by-play guys are tripping all over themselves pointing out that the Royals have a reliever named Billy Buckner, you'll already know about him!
Batters:
C CRAIG MADDOX, Detroit Tigers. Yeah, Craig Maddox. It's like a company selling a knock-off cereal called Cheery Whoas or Raisin Grand. It would be a funnier if he was a mediocre pitcher instead of a mediocre catcher; he's hitting .250 (.722 OPS) in Rookie ball this year.
1B ERNIE BANKS, Florida Marlins. OK, what was the thinking here? I'm not sure if they named him Ernie Banks as an homage or as a joke or if they were just clueless. He's apparently not related... Anyway, this Ernie Banks is a 21-year-old first baseman drafted in June by the Marlins out of Norfolk State University. He has his career off to an OK start, hitting .319 with a .372 OBP in 72 ABs in Rookie ball, but he has to do something about improving that .375 slugging percentage if he's going to catch "Mr. Cub" and his 512 career HRs. Oh, and how's this for weird: The 2007 MEAC Baseball All-Tournament Team included Ernie Banks and Darryl Evans, who plays for Florida A&M.
2B BOBBY HILL, San Diego Padres. It's kind of a cheat having him on the list, as the jokes about his name have all been made before. But I must admit I am a huge fan of Bobby Hill, both the infielder and the cartoon character. Anyway, the White Sox drafted Bobby Hill in 1999, but super agent Scott Boras told him to play in the independent Atlantic League instead. I saw a few Newark Bears games in 2000 with the 22-year-old Hill playing shortstop, and I said, "Boy howdy, I tell you what!" He hit .326 (.933 OPS) with 101 walks and 81 stolen bases in 132 games. But he never really got a chance in the bigs. His career MLB numbers (.262/.343/.350 in 523 AB) aren't so awful that you'd think he couldn't make it at least as a switch-hitting utility infielder, but I'm sure the hold out didn't make him many friends in front offices. He hit .282/.396/.395 in Triple-A last year but hasn't been heard from since.
3B EVAN LONGORIA, Tampa Bay Devil Rays. One of the top prospects in baseball, no one is likely to confuse him with Eva Longoria, but it's a good excuse for me to run a picture of her. Sports Illustrated had the same idea, as they did a Tale of the Tape comparing Evan to Eva. Evan Longoria says he's heard all the jokes. "I get ragged on it a lot but I don't mind. My friends and I think she's hot." Longoria lived up to the hype this year, hitting .307/.403/.528 in 381 ABs in Double-A and .288/.411/.507 in Triple-A. As for Eva, she's starring in Over My Dead Body with Jason Biggs and Lake Bell. Who do you think had the better year?
SS ALBERTO GONZALEZ, New York Yankees. How about this guy, huh? You're going through life with a perfectly fine Latino name, and then you hear, hey, my almost namesake, Alberto Gonzales, is going to be attorney general, that's cool. The next thing you know, bam! You're getting booed in every liberal town. Anyway, this Alberto Gonzalez hit .330/.385/.440 in 109 ABs with Double-A Trenton before being promoted to Triple-A Scranton, where he's struggled (.241/.298/.358 in 344 AB)... As an aside, there are no major or minor leaguers named Dick Cheney or Donald Rumsfeld, but there is a catcher at Morehead State named Donald Cheney (.274/.383/.457 in 175 AB this year).
LF DEE BROWN, Washington Nationals. What's worse, to be Tim Brown or Dee Brown? Would you rather have a relatively common name that you share with a famous person, or an unusual name that you share with someone only vaguely familiar? No one will think the white first baseman used to play for the Oakland Raiders, but everyone is going to assume the outfielder trying to work his way up through the Nationals system is the washed-up Royals prospect. The original Dee Brown was highly touted at one time -- he was a first round pick in '96, and the Kansas City Royals Minor League Player of the Year in 1999 -- but he's never hit in the bigs, with a career .234/.280/.334 line in 812 ABs. Now 29, he's played for seven different organizations, most recently the Oakland A's. This Dee Brown -- actually named Willie D. Brown, but he goes by Dee Brown -- is a 24-year-old outfielder drafted in the 10th round two years ago out of the University of Central Florida. He put up some decent numbers in the Carolina League (.284/.369/.404 in 225 AB) but has struggled after getting moved up to Double-A (.250/.311/.339 in 168 ABs).
CF CHRIS B. YOUNG, Arizona Diamondbacks. You would think there'd be a lot of players with this name, but actually the only two guys named Chris Young in the history of Major League Baseball are both active. When two players with the same name come up at the same time, they're linked forever. Remember Alex Gonzalez and Alex Gonzalez, Brian Hunter and Brian Hunter, Bobby Jones and Bobby Jones? In most of those other cases, though, one player was good -- OK, mediocre -- and the other one was bad. Here, we have two guys who could both be stars for years to come; at least in this case, one's a pitcher and the other's a hitter. Chris R. Young is the right-handed pitcher with the Padres, now in his fourth season; the 28-year-old is 9-4 with a 2.12 ERA and 1.01 WHIP and made his first All-Star Game this year. Chris B. Young is the 23-year-old rookie outfielder with the Diamondbacks, hitting .234 (.758 OPS) but with 28 HR and 21 SB in 458 AB. Just to make things interesting, there's a 26-year-old right-handed reliever in the Marlins system named Chris M. Young; he's 0-3 with a 5.72 ERA and 1.80 WHIP between Double-A and Triple-A this year.
RF MICHAEL MYERS, Chicago White Sox. Not only does this guy have to contend with left-handed reliever Mike Myers, but now the Halloween remake is coming out, and this guy goes all the way and calls himself Michael Myers. Not sure if he wears the weird mask while he plays. Michael Felipe Myers is a 27-year-old outfielder with the Double-A Birmingham Barons, where he is hitting a Michael Jordan-esque .185/.279/.263 in 270 ABs. It doesn't look like this Michael Myers will be terrorizing big league pitchers any time soon.
DH JOSH JOHNSON, Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Until 2005, there had never been a Major Leaguer named Joshua Johnson. Then there was one -- the Marlins pitcher who missed most of this year after undergoing elbow surgery. And in a few years, we might have three more to cause confusion. The closest one to the majors is Josh N. Johnson, a 24-year-old catcher in the Devil Rays system. Josh N. is hitting .276/.324/.418 in 98 AB with the Triple-A Durham Bulls this year; in Double-A last year, he hit .313/.397/.478 in 67 AB. They've also tried him at first, second and outfield, which leads me to believe he may not have a future as a major league catcher, so we'll use him at DH. Then there's Josh R. Johnson, a second baseman in the Royals system. Josh R. is hitting .253 but with a .354 OBP with the Class A Wilmington Blue Rocks. And now there's a third one in the pipeline, just known as Joshua Johnson, who went 3-2 with a 3.33 ERA and 1.13 WHIP in 10 starts and 2 relief appearances for Tampa Bay's New York-Penn League affiliate.
Bench:
C JOSE REYES, New York Mets. The Mets have cornered the market on Jose Reyeses. They started out with shortstop Jose B. Reyes, and then this year they added catcher Jose A. Reyes. In the history of Major League Baseball, there are two guys named Jose Reyes -- both are switch hitters, both are from the Dominican Republic and both are in the Mets organization. Even though Jose B. is now in his fifth major league season, he's only eight months older than Jose A. (This reminds me of that corny joke about the Puerto Rican firefighter who named his first kid Jose and his second kid Hose B.) Anyway, Jose the Catcher Reyes started out in the Chicago Cubs organization as an 18-year-old kid, and so far has proven he can't hit at seven different levels of professional baseball. He even got 5 at-bats with the Cubs last year (he had a single, 2 RBIs and 3 strikeouts). So far with Double-A Binghamton, he's hitting .214 (.609 OPS). It doesn't like there will be a problem in figuring out which Jose Reyes is which.
1B TIM BROWN, San Diego Padres. In true "No... the other one" fashion, this Tim Brown is a 6-foot-3, 220 pound white first baseman. He is currently hitting .269/.351/.423 with 12 HR and 45 RBI (and 0 SB) in 324 AB... There's no one in the minors named Jerry Rice or Cris Carter, though there are two guys named Chris Carter, and each does something other than catch touchdowns.
SS STEPHEN KING, Washington Nationals. Lazy baseball columnists can't wait for this guy to get to the majors, so they can trot out all their puns -- he'll either be "scary good" or "scary bad." Both the novelist Stephen King and the shortstop Stephen King use the "ph" spelling. The baseball player is just 19 years old, but he was ranked the No. 9 prospect in the Nationals system by Baseball America. This year, he hit .224/.295/.375 in 304 at-bats between Rookie ball and the Sally League.
IF/OF RICHARD LEWIS, Kansas City Royals. This guy must be fun during away games in the Texas League. "Oh, could it get any hotter? I'm spritzing over here. This is the road trip from hell!" The comedian is Richard Philip Lewis; the utility man is Richard Hammond Lewis III. I would hazard a guess that they are not related. Lewis had a monster senior year at Georgia Tech in 2001 (.398/.464/.526) but so far in the minors he's hit just .259/.324/.363 in 2734 career ABs. He started out as a second baseman, but for the last couple seasons he's also been used at first, third, short and outfield as he apparently has realized he won't be able to hit his way to the majors. At 27, he may want to start working on his stand-up routine.
OF JUAN VALDES, Cleveland Indians. Burro not included. To be fair, the coffee guy's name is spelled Juan Valdez. The National Federation of Coffee Growers of Colombia has been using him as a mascot since 1959, and this guy was born in Puerto Rico in 1985. Maybe his parents just figured, hey, so he'll like coffee, who cares? Actually there was a lawsuit regarding how common the name Juan Valdez is after a company started an ad campaign, "Juan Valdez drinks Costa Rican coffee." They argued they were talking about some other Juan Valdez. Paging Agent Johnson! (Actually, in baseball terms, it's not a popular name -- there has never been a Major Leaguer named Juan Valdez or Valdes.) This Juan Valdes is hitting .319 (.894 OPS) in 119 ABs in the New York-Penn League for the Indians.
Honorable mention:Bryan D. Anderson, a Cardinals catcher in Double-A joining the Brian N. Anderson and Brian J. Anderson competition; the Rockies infielder or either of the two minor leaguers named Luis Gonzalez; Carlos Santana, an outfielder in A-Ball for the Dodgers; and Derrick Thomas, a catcher who went 3-for-4 in 5 games in the Pioneer League for the Angels this year.
Starting Rotation:
SP BILLY BUCKNER, Kansas City Royals. Perhaps the greatest "No... the other one" in the history of baseball. I mean, Billy Buckner? He could at least go by Will or Liam or W.J. or something! I guess people would figure it out anyway, so you might as well get it out of the way: "Yeah, I'm Billy Buckner. No relation." He is named William Jennings Buckner, apparently named after "The Great Commoner," William Jennings Bryan. Buckner was only 3 years old during Game 6, so he had no idea how it would change his life. Luckily he's from Georgia; imagine if this poor kid grew up New England, he probably would've been beaten to death in middle school. This Billy Buck went 9-7 with a 3.78 ERA and 1.28 WHIP as a swingman (15 starts, 12 relief appearances) with Omaha -- not bad numbers for the Pacific Coast League. So far he's pitched in one game in the bigs and he's given up 4 runs (1 earned) on 5 hits in 2.0 innings. I can't wait for him to pitch in Yankee Stadium some day so the crowd can bring back the "BILL-EE BUCK-NER!" chant that had to be retired after the 2004 post-season.
SP DEREK LEE, Texas Rangers. I finally learned to spell Derrek Lee with two Rs, and now here comes one-R Derek Lee to screw things up. His name is really Robert Derek Lee, but I guess he didn't want to go through life with everyone asking if his middle initial was "E", so he went with Derek. Really, parents, if your name is Lee and you insist on naming your son Robert, why not go all the way and go with the middle name Edward? Robert D. Lee is just going to wind up getting in trouble with Ulysses F. Grant and Dwight B. Eisenhower. Anyway, this Derek Lee isn't much of a prospect -- he's 33 years old and has been bumping around in the minors since 1997 without ever making it to the show. The closest he came was one Spring Training game in 2006 -- and they took him out after just one third of an inning. That's just cruel. Anyway, his minor league numbers aren't that bad (71-73, 3.67 ERA, 1.30 WHIP in 1.299.0 IP; 1-2 with a 2.75 ERA, 1.47 WHIP in 6 games this year), plus he's left-handed, so he could be coming soon to a stadium near you.
SP NICK GREEN, Los Angeles Angels. It ain't easy being the "real" Nick Green, the utility infielder who spent three years in the bigs with three teams, hitting .243/.312/.351 in 696 AB. Now it will get even harder as one day he could be vaguely remembered as that other Nick Green. Nicholas Alvin Green is a 23-year-old right-hander who has moved quickly through the Angels system, going 10-6 with a 3.66 ERA and 1.08 WHIP in Double-A this year; if he keeps that up, it won't be long before we forget all about Nicholas Anthony Green.
SP RAY LIOTTA, Chicago White Sox. He was 7 years old when "Goodfellas" came out, so basically he has spent his entire life being asked, "any relation?" Actually, yes. The 24-year-old left-hander is "a distant cousin on his dad's side" of the actor, who played Shoeless Joe Jackson in "Field of Dreams." Raymond J. Liotta got pounded last year in the Carolina League (1-6, 8.08 ERA, 1.91 WHIP) but was slightly better in Double-A (3-8, 4.93 ERA, 1.60 WHIP). The other Ray Liotta also had a bad year (did you watch any episodes of Smith"? No, of course you didn't -- nobody did.)
SP ERIC STULTS, Los Angeles Dodgers. Hey, it's the guy from Mask! In one of those strange twists of fate that always happen in Hollywood, Eric Stoltz was cast as Marty McFly in Back to the Future, and they even started filming with him, but then Michael J. Fox agreed to do the movie and the rest was history. The first time I really noticed Stoltz was as Simon the Angel in The Prophecy, a very underrated movie, and I thought he'd be a star, but not so much. Well, maybe the banner will be picked up by Eric Stults, a 27-year-old lefty who is 1-2 with a 4.23 ERA and 1.41 WHIP in three starts and four relief appearances with the Dodgers this year. In Las Vegas -- a hitter's park in a hitter's league -- Stults was hammered to the tune of a 7.56 ERA and 1.90 WHIP in 17 starts and 4 relief appearances.
SP MICHAEL MADSEN, Oakland Athletics. What's up with all the starting pitchers named after actors? You put together Eric Stults and Ray Liotta with Michael Madsen, you've got either a bad starting rotation or a hell of a movie. Michael Madsen the actor, like Ray Liotta, also played a baseball player -- he was Bump Bailey in The Natural. This Michael Madsen has risen quickly through the A's organization, jumping up from High A to Double-A to Triple-A this year. He was great at the first two levels (3.02 ERA, 1.20 WHIP), not so much at the third (5.47, 1.46).
Bullpen:
RP EDGAR MARTINEZ, Boston Red Sox. The opposite of the real Edgar Martinez, Edgar R. Martinez was a good-field, no-hit catcher who was so bad offensively -- his career minor league numbers were .223/.282/.298, and he never got above Double-A -- they finally converted him to a reliever. The right-hander was good for a couple years, including a nice run as the closer for the Portland Sea Dogs last year (2.61 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, 18 BB, 59 K in 69.0 IP), but he's struggled in Triple-A (4.86 ERA, 1.37 WHIP, 26 BB, 54 K in 63.0 IP). Still, it seems likely we'll see Edgar Martinez again some day, and in true karmic justice, the man who terrorized pitchers for all those years comes back as a pitcher himself.
RP JAVIER LOPEZ, Boston Red Sox. Wow, the Red Sox have Edgar Martinez and Javier Lopez? The 1997 All-Star team called, they want their players back! I'm sure you've already heard of the other J-Lo, Javier A. Lopez, a left-handed reliever now with the Red Sox. I had an actual "No, the other one" moment a few years ago when I saw a sports brief headlined "Javier Lopez traded to Rockies." It must have been a slow news day. Anyway, I stopped reading the story after the headline and brought it up to a fellow roto-geek at work, causing a few minutes of excited conversation about the Coors Field effect before I read the rest of the story and realized, oh, it's the reliever. Javier A. Lopez is having a pretty good year (2.76 ERA and 1.29 WHIP in 32.2 IP), while Javy Lopez is as far as I know out of baseball. Now if someone told you the Rockies just got Javier Lopez, you'd say: "The reliever?"
RP MARK McLEMORE, Houston Astros. This one's a real mind-boggler. In the history of baseball, there have been just two guys named McLemore -- both with the first name Mark. Mark T. McLemore played for seven teams over 19 years in the big leagues, making his debut in 1986 as a 21-year-old second baseman with the California Angels. In 6,192 at-bats, he hit .259/.349/.341, playing mostly second, but also outfield, third and short. Six years before Mark T. made his debut in Anaheim, Mark S. McLemore was born in Sacramento. The left-handed reliever made the show for the first time this year, posting a 3.24 ERA (but with a 1.56 WHIP) in 25.0 IP, with 25 K but also 11 BB. In Triple-A this year, he had a 2.77 ERA and 1.33 WHIP with 52 Ks in 52.0 IP, but also 35 BB. As is seemingly required when two players share the same unusual name, Mark T. is black and Mark S. is white.
RP RYAN BRAUN, Kansas City Royals. Ryan Joseph Braun is regarded as one of the top prospects in baseball. The 23-year-old third baseman for the Milwaukee Brewers is hitting .332/.377/.640 in his debut season. Ryan Zachary Braun has not only the same name, but came up at the same time, making it inevitable that he will forever be known as "the bad Ryan Braun." The 27-year-old right handed reliever has been getting pounded this year (1-0, 0 SV, 6.67 ERA, 1.59 WHIP in 28.3 IP), and it's unlikely we'll have to think of any Brauns but Ryan J. for much longer. Hopefully he will make it to interleague play next year, so he can face the other Ryan Braun.
RP SEAN GREEN, Seattle Mariners. If you misspell Shawn Green's name it might wind up going to this guy. Sean Green is a 28-year-old righthander is 5-1 with a 3.23 ERA (but 1.40 WHIP) in 44 relief appearances with Seattle this year.
RP JOSHUA FIELDS, Chicago White Sox. The Mets have two guys named Jose Reyes and the White Sox have two guys named Josh Fields. Joshua Dean Fields is the third baseman/outfielder with the big club, hitting .238/.292/.454 in 273 ABs; the other one, who is actually three years older, is Joshua Lee Fields, a right-handed reliever who this year went 1-2 with a 3.24 ERA and 1.56 WHIP between Rookie ball and Double-A. There's also a pitcher from the University of Georgia named Joshua Fields, but he refused to sign after being drafted by the Braves and will return to the Bulldogs for his senior year.
Honorable mention:Francisco Rodriguez, a right-handed reliever for the Los Angeles Angels -- but this one is a 24-year-old swingman with a 6.29 ERA and 1.67 WHIP in 36 games in A-Ball; John Madden, a right-handed reliever in the Padres system; Brooks Dunn, whose parents were apparently country western fans, a lefty pitcher in the Padres system; Jimmy Rollins, a lefty reliever in the Royals system; Ryan Zimmerman, a right-handed reliever in the Tampa Bay organization; Bill White ("you huckleberry!"), a left-handed reliever in the Rangers system; Brian Wilson, a right-handed reliever recently called up to the Giants; and Steven Wright, a right-handed reliever in the Indians system.
When I was a kid, a friend's father was going to throw away his copy of the Baseball Encyclopedia. (Pictured at right is the new version -- I'm talking the old school 1969 edition of "Big Mac.")
The book, which seems like an insufficient word to describe something that weighed more than 6 pounds, had seen better days. But the guy knew I was a baseball fan and he was going to throw it away anyway, so he offered it to me.
Some of the pages had turned brown from water damage, and the book had been left at the bottom of a closet or something, so it was misshapen -- a book shaped not like a rectangle but a parallelogram.
I think it's somewhat of a relief to know I'm not the only baseball nerd to have teams like this. (In fact, I'm convinced Theo Epstein was trying to assemble a team of Guys Almost Named Miller with Kevin Millar, Bill Mueller and I'm sure he was desperately trying to trade for Brian Moehler. Too bad Frank Millard died in 1892!) But even if no one else was interested by this, I still would be, so from time to time I will present a "theme team." You can either be amused by the theme team itself, or amused by the thought that someone would be amused by a theme team. Either way, be amused!
So here's my first entry, one of my all-time favorites, and actually, a pretty good team as theme teams go: The All-Johnson Team, aka The Swinging Johnsons.
Johnson is a very popular last name in baseball -- 101 guys with that last name have played in at least 1 game in the majors since 1871. If you are going to do a team of all guys with the same last name, you'd definitely want to grab the Johnsons. The Smiths have more quantity but not quality; the Robinsons have four Hall of Famers but little else; and as for Martinez, well, not yet, but check back in a few years.
So we'll go with Johnson, a surname shared by two Hall of Famers (one current, one future), a number of All-Stars and a number of solid every-day regular players. I only went with true Johnsons -- no Johnstons! I also tried to avoid one-year wonders.
Here's my 25-man roster for the Swinging Johnsons.
Batters: C Charles Johnson (2000: .306/.379/.582 31 HR, 91 RBI). One of my favorite players, but he really had just this one good season. Had a cannon arm.
1B Nick Johnson (2006: .290/.428/.520 46 2B, 23 HR, 77 RBI). If he could only remain healthy. He set career highs in every category last year, but then broke his leg in one of the last games of the season. He's still out and isn't expected back until June. Nine months for a broken leg, Nick? Do you have the same doctor as Barbaro?
2B Davey Johnson (1973: .270/.370/.546 43 HR, 99 RBI). Did they have steroids in 1973? He hit 136 career HRs -- 43 in that one season.
3B Billy Johnson (1948: .294/.358/.446 12 HR, 64 RBI). There are actually a number of really good Johnsons who played third base, including Negro Leaguer and Hall of Famer Judy Johnson. Billy has been forgotten by history, but won four World Series rings with the Yankees and was an All-Star in 1947.
SS Howard Johnson (1989: .287/.369/.559 36 HR, 101 RBI, 41 SB). OK, we're sacrificing some infield defense here, but HoJo did have 273 career games at shortstop -- including 31 games this season, without making a single error. They can't give you an error if you don't touch the ball.
LF Bob Johnson (1939: .338/.440/.553 23 HR, 15 SB, 114 RBI). His nickname was "Indian Bob" but never played for Cleveland -- he was one-quarter Cherokee. A three-time All-Star who had a solid but unspectacular career. (A Trot Nixon/Paul O'Neill type.) His brother, Roy Johnson, played 10 years but didn't make the team.
CF Lance Johnson (1996: .333/.362/.479 9 HR, 21 3B, 50 SB, 117 R). Another one of my favorite players. "One Dog" never walked or struck out, just whacked line drives and ran like the wind. He led the league in triples for four consecutive years, an MLB record.
RF Spud Johnson (1890: .346/.409/.461 1 HR, 113 RBI, 18 3B, 43 SB). I'm always leery of taking 19th century players on these lists because their numbers are so out of whack, but how can I not take a guy named Spud?
DH Deron Johnson (1965: .287/.340/.515 32 HR, 130 RBI). Kind of a poor man's Troy Glaus -- lots of HRs, lots of Ks. Played first base, third base and outfield, but his best position was DH.
Bench: C/1B/OF Cliff Johnson (1977: .297/.407/.584 22 HR, 54 RBI in 286 AB). One of those "What if?" guys -- never got 400 ABs in a season until he was 35.
2B Don Johnson (1945: .302/.343/.361 2 HR, 9 SB). You hear about guys who lost playing time to service in World War II, but here's a guy who didn't make the majors until 1943, as a 31-year-old, and then made the All-Star team twice. I'm not saying he sent flowers to Admiral Yamamoto or anything, I'm just saying, if not for the war, we'd have never heard of Don Johnson. Actually, to avoid all those Miami Vice jokes, we'll go by his nickname, "Pep."
OF Alex Johnson (1970: .329/.370/.459 14 HR, 17 SB, 86 RBI). Looked like a pretty good hitter for a few years. I don't know much about him, and my curiousity is all the more piqued by this intriguing nugget from his BR Bullpen page: "His emotional disability was at the center of one of the landmark cases in the early days of the players' union."
OF Reed Johnson (2006: .319/.390/.479 12 HR, 86 R). With Nick out, Reed arguably is the best active Johnson, though we'll see if Randy finds the fountain of youth again in Arizona. However, I've never really been all that impressed with this Johnson, whose primary ability seems to be getting hit with pitches (21 times last year!).
IF/OF Bob Johnson (1962: .288/.334/.416 12 HR, 9 SB). Not much of a hitter but we needed a utility guy. Bob played every infield position as well as a couple games in left field. Like a spare tire, a fire extinguisher or the Morning After pill, a light-hitting utility guy is the type of thing you need to have around, but never want to use. In fact, as befitting his status on our team as well as in real life, Bob won a World Series ring with the 1966 Baltimore Orioles without appearing in a post-season game.
Rotation:
RHP Walter Johnson (1913: 36-7, 1.14 ERA, 0.78 WHIP). You could pick almost any season from him. The astounding thing about his numbers from this season is that he pitched 346 innings -- and walked just 38 guys.
LHP Randy Johnson (1995: 18-2, 2.48 ERA, 1.05 WHIP). Well, with these two at the top of your rotation, how could you miss? Like the Big Train, you could take any one of about 10 seasons from the Big Unit. I chose the first of his five Cy Young years.
RHP Ken Johnson (1967: 13-9, 2.74 ERA, 1.09 WHIP). Struck out 178 guys in 197 IP in 1962, but five years later, 85 in 210. According to BR Bullpen, he's the only player in history to lose a complete game no-hitter. (Apparently, Andy Hawkins doesn't count because, as the visiting pitcher in a loss, he pitched only 8 innings.)
RHP Bart Johnson (1974: 10-4, 2.74 ERA, 1.13 WHIP). Threw back-to-back shutouts this season. Like Ken, was a big strikeout pitcher earlier in his career -- 153 Ks in 178 IP in '71, 91 Ks in 211.1 IP in '76. An undiagnosed injury, maybe?
RHP Jing Johnson (1917: 9-12, 2.78 ERA, 1.26 WHIP). Don't know why they called him "Jing" -- his real name was Russell. Don't get too excited about his ERA, as it was actually worse than league average (2.74) that year. He held out in 1920 when Connie Mack wouldn't give him a raise, and Mack told him to find another job if it would pay him better. He became a research chemist -- and held out for seven years!
Bullpen: RHP Tom Johnson (1977: 16-7, 15 SV, 3.13 ERA, 1.36 WHIP). The closest the Johnsons come to a closer. Managers were still trying to figure out the whole closer thing in the 1970s: Tom pitched 146.2 innings in 1977, all in relief, for 16 wins and 15 saves. He was out of baseball after the following season, washed up at age 28.
LHP Earl Johnson (1947: 12-11, 8 SV, 2.97 ERA, 1.34 WHIP). Our lefty set-up guy, could also start if we need him -- he had 17 starts in 1947 (6 complete games and 3 shutouts), but also pitched 28 games in relief. Just 129 H in 142.3 IP, but I don't like the 65 K:62 BB ratio.
RHP Syl Johnson (1934: 5-9, 3 SV, 3.46 ERA, 1.11 WHIP). Our righty set-up man. Like most of these pre-WWII pitchers, Syl also started some games every year, but at this point in his career was mostly a reliever (34 relief appearances, 10 starts).
RHP Bob Johnson (1970: 8-13, 4 SV, 3.07 ERA, 1.22 WHIP). A swing-man with 26 starts and 14 relief appearances this year, but we'll use him in long relief. Our only true flamethrower in the 'pen (206 Ks in 214 IP in '70) and also our third Bob Johnson.
LHP John Henry Johnson (1980: 2-2, 4 SV, 2.33 ERA, 1.09 WHIP). Our one-out situational lefty.
RHP Si Johnson (1932: 13-15, 3.27 ERA, 1.24 WHIP). The mop-up guy/sixth starter. Si (short for Silas) had a long career in the N.L., with 272 starts and 220 relief appearances -- including 13 shutouts and 15 saves.
So that's the team. A very good offense, an excellent rotation and a so-so bullpen. I offer my apologies to Dan Johnson and Jason Johnson, two notable active Johnsons who didn't make the cut. Hopefully better things are to come. In the meantime, let's go Johnsons!
I have not relented in my unhealthy obsession with Bobby Hill, not the kid from King of the Hill but rather the former can't-miss prospect who missed. Hill was a Scott Boras client who elected not to sign with the White Sox after they took him in the second round of the 1999 amateur draft; instead, he played a year with the independent league Newark Bears. The following year, the Cubs took him in the draft and he did sign. After a few years in the minors, but never really getting a shot to play, and a few injuries, he's now back where it all began, with the Newark Bears.
