One of them answers a phone call a little later:
"This is Agent Johnson. (sigh) No, the other one."
Well, recently I've seen some names in boxscores that have made me say, "hey wait a minute, isn't that..." And, if Agent Johnson was here, he'd say, "No, the other one."
Names are funny things. You grow up thinking you've got this unique designation, and then you Google yourself and discover some other a-holes are using your name! It's even worse for baseball players, as we know the name of almost every man who has stepped on the field for more than 100 years. In fact, if you have the same name as another player, we can tell you apart through middle names, dates of birth or even by height and weight. We know, for example, that the Joe Smith on the 2007 Mets is not the same Joe Smith who was on the 1913 Yankees. Go figure!
In addition to those who share the names of historic or current baseball players, there are those players who have the names of famous people. Sometimes it's just bad luck -- the pitcher Kenny Rogers was already 12 years old when the singer Kenny Rogers released The Gambler. But come on, Milton Bradley? Howard Johnson?
I wanted to make a team of all these same-name guys, but it would be kind of boring just to point out all the guys with very common names, like Carlos Martinez (four currently in professional baseball) or Ben Johnson (three). I also didn't find it all that interesting to remind people that there was a player 50 years ago named Frank Thomas or a mediocre pitcher 15 years ago named Cris Carpenter. And as for guys who named after their baseball-playing dads -- like Fernando Valenzuela Jr., Frank Viola III or Wally Backman II -- that's too easy.
No, the guys on this Theme Team are rookies and minor leaguers whose names will make you go, "hey, is that...?" When play-by-play guys are tripping all over themselves pointing out that the Royals have a reliever named Billy Buckner, you'll already know about him!
Batters:
C CRAIG MADDOX, Detroit Tigers. Yeah, Craig Maddox. It's like a company selling a knock-off cereal called Cheery Whoas or Raisin Grand. It would be a funnier if he was a mediocre pitcher instead of a mediocre catcher; he's hitting .250 (.722 OPS) in Rookie ball this year.
1B ERNIE BANKS, Florida Marlins. OK, what was the thinking here? I'm not sure if they named him Ernie Banks as an homage or as a joke or if they were just clueless. He's apparently not related... Anyway, this Ernie Banks is a 21-year-old first baseman drafted in June by the Marlins out of Norfolk State University. He has his career off to an OK start, hitting .319 with a .372 OBP in 72 ABs in Rookie ball, but he has to do something about improving that .375 slugging percentage if he's going to catch "Mr. Cub" and his 512 career HRs. Oh, and how's this for weird: The 2007 MEAC Baseball All-Tournament Team included Ernie Banks and Darryl Evans, who plays for Florida A&M.
2B BOBBY HILL, San Diego Padres.
It's kind of a cheat having him on the list, as the jokes about his name have all been made before. But I must admit I am a huge fan of Bobby Hill, both the infielder and the cartoon character. Anyway, the White Sox drafted Bobby Hill in 1999, but super agent Scott Boras told him to play in the independent Atlantic League instead. I saw a few Newark Bears games in 2000 with the 22-year-old Hill playing shortstop, and I said, "Boy howdy, I tell you what!" He hit .326 (.933 OPS) with 101 walks and 81 stolen bases in 132 games. But he never really got a chance in the bigs. His career MLB numbers (.262/.343/.350 in 523 AB) aren't so awful that you'd think he couldn't make it at least as a switch-hitting utility infielder, but I'm sure the hold out didn't make him many friends in front offices. He hit .282/.396/.395 in Triple-A last year but hasn't been heard from since.
3B EVAN LONGORIA, Tampa Bay Devil Rays. One of the top prospects in baseball, no one is likely to confuse him with Eva Longoria, but it's a good excuse for me to run a picture of her. Sports Illustrated had the same idea, as they did a Tale of the Tape comparing Evan to Eva. Evan Longoria says he's heard all the jokes. "I get ragged on it a lot but I don't mind. My friends and I think she's hot." Longoria lived up to the hype this year, hitting .307/.403/.528 in 381 ABs in Double-A and .288/.411/.507 in Triple-A. As for Eva, she's starring in Over My Dead Body with Jason Biggs and Lake Bell. Who do you think had the better year?SS ALBERTO GONZALEZ, New York Yankees. How about this guy, huh? You're going through life with a perfectly fine Latino name, and then you hear, hey, my almost namesake, Alberto Gonzales, is going to be attorney general, that's cool. The next thing you know, bam! You're getting booed in every liberal town. Anyway, this Alberto Gonzalez hit .330/.385/.440 in 109 ABs with Double-A Trenton before being promoted to Triple-A Scranton, where he's struggled (.241/.298/.358 in 344 AB)... As an aside, there are no major or minor leaguers named Dick Cheney or Donald Rumsfeld, but there is a catcher at Morehead State named Donald Cheney (.274/.383/.457 in 175 AB this year).
LF DEE BROWN, Washington Nationals. What's worse, to be Tim Brown or Dee Brown? Would you rather have a relatively common name that you share with a famous person, or an unusual name that you share with someone only vaguely familiar? No one will think the white first baseman used to play for the Oakland Raiders, but everyone is going to assume the outfielder trying to work his way up through the Nationals system is the washed-up Royals prospect. The original Dee Brown was highly touted at one time -- he was a first round pick in '96, and the Kansas City Royals Minor League Player of the Year in 1999 -- but he's never hit in the bigs, with a career .234/.280/.334 line in 812 ABs. Now 29, he's played for seven different organizations, most recently the Oakland A's. This Dee Brown -- actually named Willie D. Brown, but he goes by Dee Brown -- is a 24-year-old outfielder drafted in the 10th round two years ago out of the University of Central Florida. He put up some decent numbers in the Carolina League (.284/.369/.404 in 225 AB) but has struggled after getting moved up to Double-A (.250/.311/.339 in 168 ABs).
CF CHRIS B. YOUNG, Arizona Diamondbacks. You would think there'd be a lot of players with this name, but actually the only two guys named Chris Young in the history of Major League Baseball are both active. When two players with the same name come up at the same time, they're linked forever. Remember Alex Gonzalez and Alex Gonzalez, Brian Hunter and Brian Hunter, Bobby Jones and Bobby Jones? In most of those other cases, though, one player was good -- OK, mediocre -- and the other one was bad. Here, we have two guys who could both be stars for years to come; at least in this case, one's a pitcher and the other's a hitter. Chris R. Young is the right-handed pitcher with the Padres, now in his fourth season; the 28-year-old is 9-4 with a 2.12 ERA and 1.01 WHIP and made his first All-Star Game this year. Chris B. Young is the 23-year-old rookie outfielder with the Diamondbacks, hitting .234 (.758 OPS) but with 28 HR and 21 SB in 458 AB. Just to make things interesting, there's a 26-year-old right-handed reliever in the Marlins system named Chris M. Young; he's 0-3 with a 5.72 ERA and 1.80 WHIP between Double-A and Triple-A this year.
RF MICHAEL MYERS, Chicago White Sox.
Not only does this guy have to contend with left-handed reliever Mike Myers, but now the Halloween remake is coming out, and this guy goes all the way and calls himself Michael Myers. Not sure if he wears the weird mask while he plays. Michael Felipe Myers is a 27-year-old outfielder with the Double-A Birmingham Barons, where he is hitting a Michael Jordan-esque .185/.279/.263 in 270 ABs. It doesn't look like this Michael Myers will be terrorizing big league pitchers any time soon. DH JOSH JOHNSON, Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Until 2005, there had never been a Major Leaguer named Joshua Johnson. Then there was one -- the Marlins pitcher who missed most of this year after undergoing elbow surgery. And in a few years, we might have three more to cause confusion. The closest one to the majors is Josh N. Johnson, a 24-year-old catcher in the Devil Rays system. Josh N. is hitting .276/.324/.418 in 98 AB with the Triple-A Durham Bulls this year; in Double-A last year, he hit .313/.397/.478 in 67 AB. They've also tried him at first, second and outfield, which leads me to believe he may not have a future as a major league catcher, so we'll use him at DH. Then there's Josh R. Johnson, a second baseman in the Royals system. Josh R. is hitting .253 but with a .354 OBP with the Class A Wilmington Blue Rocks. And now there's a third one in the pipeline, just known as Joshua Johnson, who went 3-2 with a 3.33 ERA and 1.13 WHIP in 10 starts and 2 relief appearances for Tampa Bay's New York-Penn League affiliate.
Bench:
C JOSE REYES, New York Mets. The Mets have cornered the market on Jose Reyeses. They started out with shortstop Jose B. Reyes, and then this year they added catcher Jose A. Reyes. In the history of Major League Baseball, there are two guys named Jose Reyes -- both are switch hitters, both are from the Dominican Republic and both are in the Mets organization. Even though Jose B. is now in his fifth major league season, he's only eight months older than Jose A. (This reminds me of that corny joke about the Puerto Rican firefighter who named his first kid Jose and his second kid Hose B.) Anyway, Jose the Catcher Reyes started out in the Chicago Cubs organization as an 18-year-old kid, and so far has proven he can't hit at seven different levels of professional baseball. He even got 5 at-bats with the Cubs last year (he had a single, 2 RBIs and 3 strikeouts). So far with Double-A Binghamton, he's hitting .214 (.609 OPS). It doesn't like there will be a problem in figuring out which Jose Reyes is which.
1B TIM BROWN, San Diego Padres. In true "No... the other one" fashion, this Tim Brown is a 6-foot-3, 220 pound white first baseman. He is currently hitting .269/.351/.423 with 12 HR and 45 RBI (and 0 SB) in 324 AB... There's no one in the minors named Jerry Rice or Cris Carter, though there are two guys named Chris Carter, and each does something other than catch touchdowns.SS STEPHEN KING, Washington Nationals. Lazy baseball columnists can't wait for this guy to get to the majors, so they can trot out all their puns -- he'll either be "scary good" or "scary bad." Both the novelist Stephen King and the shortstop Stephen King use the "ph" spelling. The baseball player is just 19 years old, but he was ranked the No. 9 prospect in the Nationals system by Baseball America. This year, he hit .224/.295/.375 in 304 at-bats between Rookie ball and the Sally League.
IF/OF RICHARD LEWIS, Kansas City Royals. This guy must be fun during away games in the Texas League. "Oh, could it get any hotter? I'm spritzing over here. This is the road trip from hell!" The comedian is Richard Philip Lewis; the utility man is Richard Hammond Lewis III. I would hazard a guess that they are not related. Lewis had a monster senior year at Georgia Tech in 2001 (.398/.464/.526) but so far in the minors he's hit just .259/.324/.363 in 2734 career ABs. He started out as a second baseman, but for the last couple seasons he's also been used at first, third, short and outfield as he apparently has realized he won't be able to hit his way to the majors. At 27, he may want to start working on his stand-up routine.
OF JUAN VALDES, Cleveland Indians. Burro not included.
To be fair, the coffee guy's name is spelled Juan Valdez. The National Federation of Coffee Growers of Colombia has been using him as a mascot since 1959, and this guy was born in Puerto Rico in 1985. Maybe his parents just figured, hey, so he'll like coffee, who cares? Actually there was a lawsuit regarding how common the name Juan Valdez is after a company started an ad campaign, "Juan Valdez drinks Costa Rican coffee." They argued they were talking about some other Juan Valdez. Paging Agent Johnson! (Actually, in baseball terms, it's not a popular name -- there has never been a Major Leaguer named Juan Valdez or Valdes.) This Juan Valdes is hitting .319 (.894 OPS) in 119 ABs in the New York-Penn League for the Indians.
Honorable mention: Bryan D. Anderson, a Cardinals catcher in Double-A joining the Brian N. Anderson and Brian J. Anderson competition; the Rockies infielder or either of the two minor leaguers named Luis Gonzalez; Carlos Santana, an outfielder in A-Ball for the Dodgers; and Derrick Thomas, a catcher who went 3-for-4 in 5 games in the Pioneer League for the Angels this year.
Starting Rotation:
SP BILLY BUCKNER, Kansas City Royals. Perhaps the greatest "No... the other one" in the history of baseball. I mean, Billy Buckner? He could at least go by Will or Liam or W.J. or something! I guess people would figure it out anyway, so you might as well get it out of the way: "Yeah, I'm Billy Buckner. No relation." He is named William Jennings Buckner, apparently named after "The Great Commoner," William Jennings Bryan. Buckner was only 3 years old during Game 6, so he had no idea how it would change his life. Luckily he's from Georgia; imagine if this poor kid grew up New England, he probably would've been beaten to death in middle school. This Billy Buck went 9-7 with a 3.78 ERA and 1.28 WHIP as a swingman (15 starts, 12 relief appearances) with Omaha -- not bad numbers for the Pacific Coast League. So far he's pitched in one game in the bigs and he's given up 4 runs (1 earned) on 5 hits in 2.0 innings. I can't wait for him to pitch in Yankee Stadium some day so the crowd can bring back the "BILL-EE BUCK-NER!" chant that had to be retired after the 2004 post-season.
SP DEREK LEE, Texas Rangers. I finally learned to spell Derrek Lee with two Rs, and now here comes one-R Derek Lee to screw things up. His name is really Robert Derek Lee, but I guess he didn't want to go through life with everyone asking if his middle initial was "E", so he went with Derek. Really, parents, if your name is Lee and you insist on naming your son Robert, why not go all the way and go with the middle name Edward? Robert D. Lee is just going to wind up getting in trouble with Ulysses F. Grant and Dwight B. Eisenhower. Anyway, this Derek Lee isn't much of a prospect -- he's 33 years old and has been bumping around in the minors since 1997 without ever making it to the show. The closest he came was one Spring Training game in 2006 -- and they took him out after just one third of an inning. That's just cruel. Anyway, his minor league numbers aren't that bad (71-73, 3.67 ERA, 1.30 WHIP in 1.299.0 IP; 1-2 with a 2.75 ERA, 1.47 WHIP in 6 games this year), plus he's left-handed, so he could be coming soon to a stadium near you.
SP NICK GREEN, Los Angeles Angels. It ain't easy being the "real" Nick Green, the utility infielder who spent three years in the bigs with three teams, hitting .243/.312/.351 in 696 AB. Now it will get even harder as one day he could be vaguely remembered as that other Nick Green. Nicholas Alvin Green is a 23-year-old right-hander who has moved quickly through the Angels system, going 10-6 with a 3.66 ERA and 1.08 WHIP in Double-A this year; if he keeps that up, it won't be long before we forget all about Nicholas Anthony Green.
SP RAY LIOTTA, Chicago White Sox. He was 7 years old when "Goodfellas" came out, so basically he has spent his entire life being asked, "any relation?" Actually, yes. The 24-year-old left-hander is "a distant cousin on his dad's side" of the actor, who played Shoeless Joe Jackson in "Field of Dreams." Raymond J. Liotta got pounded last year in the Carolina League (1-6, 8.08 ERA, 1.91 WHIP) but was slightly better in Double-A (3-8, 4.93 ERA, 1.60 WHIP). The other Ray Liotta also had a bad year (did you watch any episodes of Smith"? No, of course you didn't -- nobody did.)
SP ERIC STULTS, Los Angeles Dodgers. Hey, it's the guy from Mask! In one of those strange twists of fate that always happen in Hollywood, Eric Stoltz was cast as Marty McFly in Back to the Future, and they even started filming with him, but then Michael J. Fox agreed to do the movie and the rest was history. The first time I really noticed Stoltz was as Simon the Angel in The Prophecy, a very underrated movie, and I thought he'd be a star, but not so much. Well, maybe the banner will be picked up by Eric Stults, a 27-year-old lefty who is 1-2 with a 4.23 ERA and 1.41 WHIP in three starts and four relief appearances with the Dodgers this year. In Las Vegas -- a hitter's park in a hitter's league -- Stults was hammered to the tune of a 7.56 ERA and 1.90 WHIP in 17 starts and 4 relief appearances.
SP MICHAEL MADSEN, Oakland Athletics.
What's up with all the starting pitchers named after actors? You put together Eric Stults and Ray Liotta with Michael Madsen, you've got either a bad starting rotation or a hell of a movie. Michael Madsen the actor, like Ray Liotta, also played a baseball player -- he was Bump Bailey in The Natural. This Michael Madsen has risen quickly through the A's organization, jumping up from High A to Double-A to Triple-A this year. He was great at the first two levels (3.02 ERA, 1.20 WHIP), not so much at the third (5.47, 1.46).Bullpen:
RP EDGAR MARTINEZ, Boston Red Sox. The opposite of the real Edgar Martinez, Edgar R. Martinez was a good-field, no-hit catcher who was so bad offensively -- his career minor league numbers were .223/.282/.298, and he never got above Double-A -- they finally converted him to a reliever. The right-hander was good for a couple years, including a nice run as the closer for the Portland Sea Dogs last year (2.61 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, 18 BB, 59 K in 69.0 IP), but he's struggled in Triple-A (4.86 ERA, 1.37 WHIP, 26 BB, 54 K in 63.0 IP). Still, it seems likely we'll see Edgar Martinez again some day, and in true karmic justice, the man who terrorized pitchers for all those years comes back as a pitcher himself.
RP JAVIER LOPEZ, Boston Red Sox. Wow, the Red Sox have Edgar Martinez and Javier Lopez? The 1997 All-Star team called, they want their players back! I'm sure you've already heard of the other J-Lo, Javier A. Lopez, a left-handed reliever now with the Red Sox. I had an actual "No, the other one" moment a few years ago when I saw a sports brief headlined "Javier Lopez traded to Rockies." It must have been a slow news day. Anyway, I stopped reading the story after the headline and brought it up to a fellow roto-geek at work, causing a few minutes of excited conversation about the Coors Field effect before I read the rest of the story and realized, oh, it's the reliever. Javier A. Lopez is having a pretty good year (2.76 ERA and 1.29 WHIP in 32.2 IP), while Javy Lopez is as far as I know out of baseball. Now if someone told you the Rockies just got Javier Lopez, you'd say: "The reliever?"
RP MARK McLEMORE, Houston Astros. This one's a real mind-boggler. In the history of baseball, there have been just two guys named McLemore -- both with the first name Mark. Mark T. McLemore played for seven teams over 19 years in the big leagues, making his debut in 1986 as a 21-year-old second baseman with the California Angels. In 6,192 at-bats, he hit .259/.349/.341, playing mostly second, but also outfield, third and short. Six years before Mark T. made his debut in Anaheim, Mark S. McLemore was born in Sacramento. The left-handed reliever made the show for the first time this year, posting a 3.24 ERA (but with a 1.56 WHIP) in 25.0 IP, with 25 K but also 11 BB. In Triple-A this year, he had a 2.77 ERA and 1.33 WHIP with 52 Ks in 52.0 IP, but also 35 BB. As is seemingly required when two players share the same unusual name, Mark T. is black and Mark S. is white.RP RYAN BRAUN, Kansas City Royals. Ryan Joseph Braun is regarded as one of the top prospects in baseball. The 23-year-old third baseman for the Milwaukee Brewers is hitting .332/.377/.640 in his debut season. Ryan Zachary Braun has not only the same name, but came up at the same time, making it inevitable that he will forever be known as "the bad Ryan Braun." The 27-year-old right handed reliever has been getting pounded this year (1-0, 0 SV, 6.67 ERA, 1.59 WHIP in 28.3 IP), and it's unlikely we'll have to think of any Brauns but Ryan J. for much longer. Hopefully he will make it to interleague play next year, so he can face the other Ryan Braun.
RP SEAN GREEN, Seattle Mariners. If you misspell Shawn Green's name it might wind up going to this guy. Sean Green is a 28-year-old righthander is 5-1 with a 3.23 ERA (but 1.40 WHIP) in 44 relief appearances with Seattle this year.
RP JOSHUA FIELDS, Chicago White Sox. The Mets have two guys named Jose Reyes and the White Sox have two guys named Josh Fields. Joshua Dean Fields is the third baseman/outfielder with the big club, hitting .238/.292/.454 in 273 ABs; the other one, who is actually three years older, is Joshua Lee Fields, a right-handed reliever who this year went 1-2 with a 3.24 ERA and 1.56 WHIP between Rookie ball and Double-A. There's also a pitcher from the University of Georgia named Joshua Fields, but he refused to sign after being drafted by the Braves and will return to the Bulldogs for his senior year.
Honorable mention: Francisco Rodriguez, a right-handed reliever for the Los Angeles Angels -- but this one is a 24-year-old swingman with a 6.29 ERA and 1.67 WHIP in 36 games in A-Ball;
John Madden, a right-handed reliever in the Padres system; Brooks Dunn, whose parents were apparently country western fans, a lefty pitcher in the Padres system; Jimmy Rollins, a lefty reliever in the Royals system; Ryan Zimmerman, a right-handed reliever in the Tampa Bay organization; Bill White ("you huckleberry!"), a left-handed reliever in the Rangers system; Brian Wilson, a right-handed reliever recently called up to the Giants; and Steven Wright, a right-handed reliever in the Indians system.
