Well, I think this is good news...

Joe Torre announced after last night's win that today's starter would be Chien-Ming Wang on three days' rest and not Mike Mussina. If we get to a Game 5, Andy Pettitte will be able to pitch on full rest (because of the day off tomorrow).

Torre was criticized last year for not trying this during the Detroit series. In Game 1, Wang was good but not great -- he gave up 3 runs on 8 hits and a walk -- but the Yankees won, 8-4.

Four days later, the Yankees were down 2 games to 1 and at Comerica Park, and there was talk of bringing back Wang on three days' rest. Wang had thrown 93 pitches in 6.2 innings, so it wasn't out of the question that he could come back. Once again, there would be a travel day between Games 4 and 5, so the Game 2 starter -- Mussina, coincidentally -- would be available on the normal four days rest to pitch the final game, if the Yankees got there.

Only Joe knows why, but this was dismissed as a possibility and instead we relied on the trusty arm of Jaret Wright to carry us through Game 4. Nice. Wright was pounded for 4 runs on 5 hits (2 home runs) in just 2.2 innings, and that's all she wrote.

Torre and his defenders (particularly Suzyn Waldman) are big on the "but then who" argument whenever you talk about doing anything unJoe-like. When the Yankees lose a tie game on the road after he trots out Ron Villone to pitch the bottom of the 9th, if you ask Joe, hey, maybe Mariano Rivera could have pitched there, he'll ask: "But then who pitches the bottom of the 10th?" Huh. Well, now that you mention it, yeah, Villone solved that problem for us by blowing the game in the bottom of the 9th.

Of course he can't admit it, but I'm thinking last year Torre was already thinking about the next series, which of course you can never do. He figured, "I can use Wang in Game 4 and Mussina in Game 5, but then who pitches Game 1?" So he figured he'd patch through Game 4 with Wright and Cory Lidle, and that went as well as could be expected.

The difference is, this post-season, Torre is managing with a gun to his head -- literally, if they take my advice -- and that's why he was so quick to pull Roger Clemens, why he burned up Joba Chamberlain for 2 innings, why he used Mariano Rivera with a 4-run lead, why he benched Mussina today for Wang. He's managing like a guy who understands that, in an elimination game, you don't have to worry about tomorrow until you get there. Survive and move on, as they say in the NCAAs.

Despite the fact that Wang got pounded by the Indians in Game 1, I'm confident we'll get a better performance this time. There's that whole "tired is better for sinkerballers" argument, which, who knows if it's true or not. Wang hasn't pitched on three days' rest this year (or last year), so it's hard to reasonably make that argument.

But more importantly, Wang was a lot better at home (10-4, 2.75 ERA, 1.13 WHIP) than on the road (9-3, 4.91, 1.50 WHIP), so I'd rather start him on short rest at Yankee Stadium tonight. And it also works for Game 5 -- Pettitte, somewhat surprisingly for a lefty, is actually slightly worse at Yankee Stadium (8-4, 4.17, 1.44) than on the road (7-5, 3.95, 1.41).

This makes sense all around. So much so, that I'm surprised Joe thought of it. The barrel of a .45 pressed firmly against his temple may have had something to do with it.

See what a little motivation can do?

One thing to watch out for -- Joe loves to prove to his guys that they're still "his guys." If Wang can't get us to the 7th inning, expect to see Mussina.

The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat

As one of those rare Yankee/Packer fan hybrids -- what can I say, I like teams that won a lot before I was born -- it was a mixed night for me.

The Yankees won, of course, to stave off elimination and play at least one more game in 2007. That was good.

The Packers, of course, blew a 10-point lead to lose to the hated Bears to ruin their perfect season.

I know a guy from Philadelphia, so naturally he is both a Phillies fan and an Eagles fan. Last Monday, I asked him if he was up (from the Phillies making the post-season) or down (from the Eagles losing to the Giants).

He thought about it for a little bit, then started trying to rationalize that he was up, but then he just sighed. "Goddamn it! Couldn't they have given me just one day to enjoy the moment?!"

I know a little better now where he was coming from, but I'm up, I'm up. If you told me in July that the Packers would be 4-1 and the Yankees would be in the post-season, I'd be a happy camper.

The Packers lost the type of game they'd been winning the first four games of the season. All the lucky breaks they got to get to 4-0 were here tonight -- for the Bears. Charles Woodson fumbles a punt and it bounces right into the hands of the punter, of all people, and he grabs it just before he slides out of bounds. Brett Favre does some kind of crazy no-look pass and throws it right into the arms of Brian Urlacher. The Bears go up on a touchdown pass that is caught out of bounds, but the officials rule it a push-out and, for god knows why, that's not a reviewable play. And speaking of reviewable plays, Mike McCarthy throws the red flag to challenge a spot, wins the challenge... or not. The announcers never seemed to figure this out. All I know is the officials picked up the ball and moved it back, which sounds like you won the challenge, right? But they didn't move it back far enough for it not to be a first down, so apparently he lost the challenge. In other words, yes, we made a mistake, but no, we didn't.

And then on top of the five turnovers, all those penalties -- 93 yards in penalties, and at killer times too. The Packers racked up 150 more yards of offense, but all for naught.

But at the end of the game, if Donald Driver jumps an inch higher, it's all tied up.

Yeah, so we could be 5-0, but then we could have just as easily lost the Eagles game or even the Giants game, and be 2-3. We're a good but not great team -- a better team than the Bears, but not tonight. Next week we're home against a 3-1 Redskins team that just beat the holy hell out of the Lions. We'll see which was the fluke, the first four or the last one.

As for the Yankees, win tomorrow and send the series back to Cleveland -- where the forecast for Wednesday night is high 50s and rain, not exactly good conditions for midges. Win tomorrow and try again with Chien-Ming Wang against C.C. Sabathia. Hopefully Wang will figure out whatever was wrong with him in Game 1, and hopefully the Yankee batters can figure out why they couldn't put away Sabathia, a guy we had on the ropes more than Rocky Balboa against Clubber Lang.



But unfortunately it was Rocky/Clubber II. Just like Clubber we kept going for the big knock-out punch but swinging and missing.

Before we can start thinking about Wednesday, we have to win tomorrow, and even with Paul Byrd pitching, it won't be easy. We won't have Phil Hughes (3.2 innings, 63 pitches) or Joba Chamberlain (2.0 innings, 38 pitches), which means the bullpen is going to be short-handed tomorrow night if Mike Mussina can't get us through the 6th inning.

Yes, you could say we needed to win tonight to get to tomorrow, but what the fuck, Joe Torre? You had a 5-run lead, why did you send Joba back out there to pitch the 8th? You don't think that was a good time to play sports psychologist with Kyle Farnsworth? Maybe let Russ Ohlendorf get back on the horse after getting slapped around in Game 1? Oh, no, let's burn up Joba. More great work from one of the winningest managers in MLB history.

Of course, Joe has a lot more confidence in Moose than I do, because Joe just loves his veterans. Johnny Damon after the game tonight was asked if it mattered that Torre's job was supposedly on the line tonight and he said something along the lines of, "We'll do anything for Joe." Hey, how about win some games in May and June, Johnny? Those games counted too, you know.

Well, obviously there's only one thing for Big Stein to do before tomorrow's game: Threaten to fire Joe again. Or, better yet, have a sniper in the owner's box with orders to shoot Torre in the head if the Yankees lose. Obviously it's the only way to motivate these guys. Win the game, or your beloved manager dies.

Can't you just picture Joe sitting there with the red dot of a laser sight bouncing over his forehead? Actually, he'd probably have his usual hang-dog look, staring at the ground, mumbling to himself and pounding down the green tea.

Bigelow Tea. Producer of fine quality teas since 1945. "Your bases are covered... with Bigelow Tea."

Go Pack Go!

As you might recall, I'm a Packer fan. But living in Jersey, it's rare I get to see my Packers in action. So while everyone else in the Greater New York Area was bemoaning how bad the Giants looked yesterday, I was loving the green and gold.

Looking at the final score, 35-13, you would think this was a blow-out and the Giants took out a beat-up Eli Manning sometime before half-time. But actually it looked like the game could go either way -- the Packers were losing 10-7 at the half, and it was 14-13 Packers at the end of the third quarter.

But then in the fourth quarter, Favre and Driver hooked up on two TDs two minutes apart to make it 28-13, and then DeShawn Wynn (who?) broke off a 38-yard TD run in garbage time to make it 35-13.

So, yeah, we're 2-0, against two opponents - Philly and the Giants on the road -- that aren't gimmes. But as much as I would like to look at our start through cheese-framed glasses, we've been pretty lucky so far. Heck, we could be 0-2 right now.

We weren't out-played by the Eagles by any stretch, it was a sloppy game that either game could have won. And despite the final score the game against the Giants, it could have been a lot closer or even a loss. Remember, it was 14-13 at the start of the fourth quarter. Favre continues a methodical drive that started from their own 20, with 4:22 left in the third quarter. It was just a perfect drive -- Favre goes 8-for-8, hitting four different guys, and caps it off with a short pass to Donald Lee for the score to make it 21-13. Nice.

But it's still an 8-point game with almost 13 minutes left, and the Packers are kicking off. After that drive I was pretty confident we could hold on, but the outcome was still in doubt. For about two seconds. Because Ahmad Bradshaw fumbles the kick off, there's a scrum, and the Packers come up with the ball. Ninety seconds later there's another Favre TD and now it's 28-13, and it's time to start the parade of cars leaving the Meadowlands.

Now, if the Giants come away with the ball, it's not like they were a sure thing -- on their next possession, Manning threw a ball right into the hands of defensive tackle Corey Williams (who seemed as surprised as anyone in the stadium to catch it). But after the muffed kick made it a 15-point lead, the G-men were in serious trouble.

I love being 2-0, but let's face it, it's the second week in a row where the Packers won a game by coming away with the ball from the bottom of a pile of players. You can say the fight over a fumble is "who wants it more", and I suppose that's part of it, but it's also about luck. The ball is squibbing all around, everyone's got a finger on it, it gets yanked back and forth, guys are biting and pinching and punching, and it's all about who is holding the ball at the moment when a ref throws off enough players to see what's going on. Two seconds earlier or two seconds later, it might be in someone else's hands, and he's the one who "wanted it more."

It's a hell of a way to win a football game and not exactly something you can count on from week to week, especially not for a third week in a row and especially not heading into a game against the San Diego Chargers. But let's hope the defense keeps playing as well as it has been, the offense keeps clicking the way it did in the second half, and that the ball keeps bouncing our way.

Theme Team: 'No, The Other One'

Remember Agent Johnson and Special Agent Johnson from Die Hard? ("No relation.")

One of them answers a phone call a little later:

"This is Agent Johnson. (sigh) No, the other one."



Well, recently I've seen some names in boxscores that have made me say, "hey wait a minute, isn't that..." And, if Agent Johnson was here, he'd say, "No, the other one."

Names are funny things. You grow up thinking you've got this unique designation, and then you Google yourself and discover some other a-holes are using your name! It's even worse for baseball players, as we know the name of almost every man who has stepped on the field for more than 100 years. In fact, if you have the same name as another player, we can tell you apart through middle names, dates of birth or even by height and weight. We know, for example, that the Joe Smith on the 2007 Mets is not the same Joe Smith who was on the 1913 Yankees. Go figure!

In addition to those who share the names of historic or current baseball players, there are those players who have the names of famous people. Sometimes it's just bad luck -- the pitcher Kenny Rogers was already 12 years old when the singer Kenny Rogers released The Gambler. But come on, Milton Bradley? Howard Johnson?

I wanted to make a team of all these same-name guys, but it would be kind of boring just to point out all the guys with very common names, like Carlos Martinez (four currently in professional baseball) or Ben Johnson (three). I also didn't find it all that interesting to remind people that there was a player 50 years ago named Frank Thomas or a mediocre pitcher 15 years ago named Cris Carpenter. And as for guys who named after their baseball-playing dads -- like Fernando Valenzuela Jr., Frank Viola III or Wally Backman II -- that's too easy.

No, the guys on this Theme Team are rookies and minor leaguers whose names will make you go, "hey, is that...?" When play-by-play guys are tripping all over themselves pointing out that the Royals have a reliever named Billy Buckner, you'll already know about him!

Batters:

C CRAIG MADDOX, Detroit Tigers. Yeah, Craig Maddox. It's like a company selling a knock-off cereal called Cheery Whoas or Raisin Grand. It would be a funnier if he was a mediocre pitcher instead of a mediocre catcher; he's hitting .250 (.722 OPS) in Rookie ball this year.

1B ERNIE BANKS, Florida Marlins. OK, what was the thinking here? I'm not sure if they named him Ernie Banks as an homage or as a joke or if they were just clueless. He's apparently not related... Anyway, this Ernie Banks is a 21-year-old first baseman drafted in June by the Marlins out of Norfolk State University. He has his career off to an OK start, hitting .319 with a .372 OBP in 72 ABs in Rookie ball, but he has to do something about improving that .375 slugging percentage if he's going to catch "Mr. Cub" and his 512 career HRs. Oh, and how's this for weird: The 2007 MEAC Baseball All-Tournament Team included Ernie Banks and Darryl Evans, who plays for Florida A&M.

2B BOBBY HILL, San Diego Padres. It's kind of a cheat having him on the list, as the jokes about his name have all been made before. But I must admit I am a huge fan of Bobby Hill, both the infielder and the cartoon character. Anyway, the White Sox drafted Bobby Hill in 1999, but super agent Scott Boras told him to play in the independent Atlantic League instead. I saw a few Newark Bears games in 2000 with the 22-year-old Hill playing shortstop, and I said, "Boy howdy, I tell you what!" He hit .326 (.933 OPS) with 101 walks and 81 stolen bases in 132 games. But he never really got a chance in the bigs. His career MLB numbers (.262/.343/.350 in 523 AB) aren't so awful that you'd think he couldn't make it at least as a switch-hitting utility infielder, but I'm sure the hold out didn't make him many friends in front offices. He hit .282/.396/.395 in Triple-A last year but hasn't been heard from since.

3B EVAN LONGORIA, Tampa Bay Devil Rays. One of the top prospects in baseball, no one is likely to confuse him with Eva Longoria, but it's a good excuse for me to run a picture of her. Sports Illustrated had the same idea, as they did a Tale of the Tape comparing Evan to Eva. Evan Longoria says he's heard all the jokes. "I get ragged on it a lot but I don't mind. My friends and I think she's hot." Longoria lived up to the hype this year, hitting .307/.403/.528 in 381 ABs in Double-A and .288/.411/.507 in Triple-A. As for Eva, she's starring in Over My Dead Body with Jason Biggs and Lake Bell. Who do you think had the better year?

SS ALBERTO GONZALEZ, New York Yankees. How about this guy, huh? You're going through life with a perfectly fine Latino name, and then you hear, hey, my almost namesake, Alberto Gonzales, is going to be attorney general, that's cool. The next thing you know, bam! You're getting booed in every liberal town. Anyway, this Alberto Gonzalez hit .330/.385/.440 in 109 ABs with Double-A Trenton before being promoted to Triple-A Scranton, where he's struggled (.241/.298/.358 in 344 AB)... As an aside, there are no major or minor leaguers named Dick Cheney or Donald Rumsfeld, but there is a catcher at Morehead State named Donald Cheney (.274/.383/.457 in 175 AB this year).

LF DEE BROWN, Washington Nationals. What's worse, to be Tim Brown or Dee Brown? Would you rather have a relatively common name that you share with a famous person, or an unusual name that you share with someone only vaguely familiar? No one will think the white first baseman used to play for the Oakland Raiders, but everyone is going to assume the outfielder trying to work his way up through the Nationals system is the washed-up Royals prospect. The original Dee Brown was highly touted at one time -- he was a first round pick in '96, and the Kansas City Royals Minor League Player of the Year in 1999 -- but he's never hit in the bigs, with a career .234/.280/.334 line in 812 ABs. Now 29, he's played for seven different organizations, most recently the Oakland A's. This Dee Brown -- actually named Willie D. Brown, but he goes by Dee Brown -- is a 24-year-old outfielder drafted in the 10th round two years ago out of the University of Central Florida. He put up some decent numbers in the Carolina League (.284/.369/.404 in 225 AB) but has struggled after getting moved up to Double-A (.250/.311/.339 in 168 ABs).

CF CHRIS B. YOUNG, Arizona Diamondbacks. You would think there'd be a lot of players with this name, but actually the only two guys named Chris Young in the history of Major League Baseball are both active. When two players with the same name come up at the same time, they're linked forever. Remember Alex Gonzalez and Alex Gonzalez, Brian Hunter and Brian Hunter, Bobby Jones and Bobby Jones? In most of those other cases, though, one player was good -- OK, mediocre -- and the other one was bad. Here, we have two guys who could both be stars for years to come; at least in this case, one's a pitcher and the other's a hitter. Chris R. Young is the right-handed pitcher with the Padres, now in his fourth season; the 28-year-old is 9-4 with a 2.12 ERA and 1.01 WHIP and made his first All-Star Game this year. Chris B. Young is the 23-year-old rookie outfielder with the Diamondbacks, hitting .234 (.758 OPS) but with 28 HR and 21 SB in 458 AB. Just to make things interesting, there's a 26-year-old right-handed reliever in the Marlins system named Chris M. Young; he's 0-3 with a 5.72 ERA and 1.80 WHIP between Double-A and Triple-A this year.

RF MICHAEL MYERS, Chicago White Sox. Not only does this guy have to contend with left-handed reliever Mike Myers, but now the Halloween remake is coming out, and this guy goes all the way and calls himself Michael Myers. Not sure if he wears the weird mask while he plays. Michael Felipe Myers is a 27-year-old outfielder with the Double-A Birmingham Barons, where he is hitting a Michael Jordan-esque .185/.279/.263 in 270 ABs. It doesn't look like this Michael Myers will be terrorizing big league pitchers any time soon.

DH JOSH JOHNSON, Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Until 2005, there had never been a Major Leaguer named Joshua Johnson. Then there was one -- the Marlins pitcher who missed most of this year after undergoing elbow surgery. And in a few years, we might have three more to cause confusion. The closest one to the majors is Josh N. Johnson, a 24-year-old catcher in the Devil Rays system. Josh N. is hitting .276/.324/.418 in 98 AB with the Triple-A Durham Bulls this year; in Double-A last year, he hit .313/.397/.478 in 67 AB. They've also tried him at first, second and outfield, which leads me to believe he may not have a future as a major league catcher, so we'll use him at DH. Then there's Josh R. Johnson, a second baseman in the Royals system. Josh R. is hitting .253 but with a .354 OBP with the Class A Wilmington Blue Rocks. And now there's a third one in the pipeline, just known as Joshua Johnson, who went 3-2 with a 3.33 ERA and 1.13 WHIP in 10 starts and 2 relief appearances for Tampa Bay's New York-Penn League affiliate.

Bench:

C JOSE REYES, New York Mets. The Mets have cornered the market on Jose Reyeses. They started out with shortstop Jose B. Reyes, and then this year they added catcher Jose A. Reyes. In the history of Major League Baseball, there are two guys named Jose Reyes -- both are switch hitters, both are from the Dominican Republic and both are in the Mets organization. Even though Jose B. is now in his fifth major league season, he's only eight months older than Jose A. (This reminds me of that corny joke about the Puerto Rican firefighter who named his first kid Jose and his second kid Hose B.) Anyway, Jose the Catcher Reyes started out in the Chicago Cubs organization as an 18-year-old kid, and so far has proven he can't hit at seven different levels of professional baseball. He even got 5 at-bats with the Cubs last year (he had a single, 2 RBIs and 3 strikeouts). So far with Double-A Binghamton, he's hitting .214 (.609 OPS). It doesn't like there will be a problem in figuring out which Jose Reyes is which.

1B TIM BROWN, San Diego Padres. In true "No... the other one" fashion, this Tim Brown is a 6-foot-3, 220 pound white first baseman. He is currently hitting .269/.351/.423 with 12 HR and 45 RBI (and 0 SB) in 324 AB... There's no one in the minors named Jerry Rice or Cris Carter, though there are two guys named Chris Carter, and each does something other than catch touchdowns.

SS STEPHEN KING, Washington Nationals. Lazy baseball columnists can't wait for this guy to get to the majors, so they can trot out all their puns -- he'll either be "scary good" or "scary bad." Both the novelist Stephen King and the shortstop Stephen King use the "ph" spelling. The baseball player is just 19 years old, but he was ranked the No. 9 prospect in the Nationals system by Baseball America. This year, he hit .224/.295/.375 in 304 at-bats between Rookie ball and the Sally League.

IF/OF RICHARD LEWIS, Kansas City Royals. This guy must be fun during away games in the Texas League. "Oh, could it get any hotter? I'm spritzing over here. This is the road trip from hell!" The comedian is Richard Philip Lewis; the utility man is Richard Hammond Lewis III. I would hazard a guess that they are not related. Lewis had a monster senior year at Georgia Tech in 2001 (.398/.464/.526) but so far in the minors he's hit just .259/.324/.363 in 2734 career ABs. He started out as a second baseman, but for the last couple seasons he's also been used at first, third, short and outfield as he apparently has realized he won't be able to hit his way to the majors. At 27, he may want to start working on his stand-up routine.

OF JUAN VALDES, Cleveland Indians. Burro not included.
To be fair, the coffee guy's name is spelled Juan Valdez. The National Federation of Coffee Growers of Colombia has been using him as a mascot since 1959, and this guy was born in Puerto Rico in 1985. Maybe his parents just figured, hey, so he'll like coffee, who cares? Actually there was a lawsuit regarding how common the name Juan Valdez is after a company started an ad campaign, "Juan Valdez drinks Costa Rican coffee." They argued they were talking about some other Juan Valdez. Paging Agent Johnson! (Actually, in baseball terms, it's not a popular name -- there has never been a Major Leaguer named Juan Valdez or Valdes.) This Juan Valdes is hitting .319 (.894 OPS) in 119 ABs in the New York-Penn League for the Indians.

Honorable mention: Bryan D. Anderson, a Cardinals catcher in Double-A joining the Brian N. Anderson and Brian J. Anderson competition; the Rockies infielder or either of the two minor leaguers named Luis Gonzalez; Carlos Santana, an outfielder in A-Ball for the Dodgers; and Derrick Thomas, a catcher who went 3-for-4 in 5 games in the Pioneer League for the Angels this year.

Starting Rotation:

SP BILLY BUCKNER, Kansas City Royals. Perhaps the greatest "No... the other one" in the history of baseball. I mean, Billy Buckner? He could at least go by Will or Liam or W.J. or something! I guess people would figure it out anyway, so you might as well get it out of the way: "Yeah, I'm Billy Buckner. No relation." He is named William Jennings Buckner, apparently named after "The Great Commoner," William Jennings Bryan. Buckner was only 3 years old during Game 6, so he had no idea how it would change his life. Luckily he's from Georgia; imagine if this poor kid grew up New England, he probably would've been beaten to death in middle school. This Billy Buck went 9-7 with a 3.78 ERA and 1.28 WHIP as a swingman (15 starts, 12 relief appearances) with Omaha -- not bad numbers for the Pacific Coast League. So far he's pitched in one game in the bigs and he's given up 4 runs (1 earned) on 5 hits in 2.0 innings. I can't wait for him to pitch in Yankee Stadium some day so the crowd can bring back the "BILL-EE BUCK-NER!" chant that had to be retired after the 2004 post-season.



SP DEREK LEE, Texas Rangers. I finally learned to spell Derrek Lee with two Rs, and now here comes one-R Derek Lee to screw things up. His name is really Robert Derek Lee, but I guess he didn't want to go through life with everyone asking if his middle initial was "E", so he went with Derek. Really, parents, if your name is Lee and you insist on naming your son Robert, why not go all the way and go with the middle name Edward? Robert D. Lee is just going to wind up getting in trouble with Ulysses F. Grant and Dwight B. Eisenhower. Anyway, this Derek Lee isn't much of a prospect -- he's 33 years old and has been bumping around in the minors since 1997 without ever making it to the show. The closest he came was one Spring Training game in 2006 -- and they took him out after just one third of an inning. That's just cruel. Anyway, his minor league numbers aren't that bad (71-73, 3.67 ERA, 1.30 WHIP in 1.299.0 IP; 1-2 with a 2.75 ERA, 1.47 WHIP in 6 games this year), plus he's left-handed, so he could be coming soon to a stadium near you.

SP NICK GREEN, Los Angeles Angels. It ain't easy being the "real" Nick Green, the utility infielder who spent three years in the bigs with three teams, hitting .243/.312/.351 in 696 AB. Now it will get even harder as one day he could be vaguely remembered as that other Nick Green. Nicholas Alvin Green is a 23-year-old right-hander who has moved quickly through the Angels system, going 10-6 with a 3.66 ERA and 1.08 WHIP in Double-A this year; if he keeps that up, it won't be long before we forget all about Nicholas Anthony Green.

SP RAY LIOTTA, Chicago White Sox. He was 7 years old when "Goodfellas" came out, so basically he has spent his entire life being asked, "any relation?" Actually, yes. The 24-year-old left-hander is "a distant cousin on his dad's side" of the actor, who played Shoeless Joe Jackson in "Field of Dreams." Raymond J. Liotta got pounded last year in the Carolina League (1-6, 8.08 ERA, 1.91 WHIP) but was slightly better in Double-A (3-8, 4.93 ERA, 1.60 WHIP). The other Ray Liotta also had a bad year (did you watch any episodes of Smith"? No, of course you didn't -- nobody did.)



SP ERIC STULTS, Los Angeles Dodgers. Hey, it's the guy from Mask! In one of those strange twists of fate that always happen in Hollywood, Eric Stoltz was cast as Marty McFly in Back to the Future, and they even started filming with him, but then Michael J. Fox agreed to do the movie and the rest was history. The first time I really noticed Stoltz was as Simon the Angel in The Prophecy, a very underrated movie, and I thought he'd be a star, but not so much. Well, maybe the banner will be picked up by Eric Stults, a 27-year-old lefty who is 1-2 with a 4.23 ERA and 1.41 WHIP in three starts and four relief appearances with the Dodgers this year. In Las Vegas -- a hitter's park in a hitter's league -- Stults was hammered to the tune of a 7.56 ERA and 1.90 WHIP in 17 starts and 4 relief appearances.

SP MICHAEL MADSEN, Oakland Athletics. What's up with all the starting pitchers named after actors? You put together Eric Stults and Ray Liotta with Michael Madsen, you've got either a bad starting rotation or a hell of a movie. Michael Madsen the actor, like Ray Liotta, also played a baseball player -- he was Bump Bailey in The Natural. This Michael Madsen has risen quickly through the A's organization, jumping up from High A to Double-A to Triple-A this year. He was great at the first two levels (3.02 ERA, 1.20 WHIP), not so much at the third (5.47, 1.46).

Bullpen:

RP EDGAR MARTINEZ, Boston Red Sox. The opposite of the real Edgar Martinez, Edgar R. Martinez was a good-field, no-hit catcher who was so bad offensively -- his career minor league numbers were .223/.282/.298, and he never got above Double-A -- they finally converted him to a reliever. The right-hander was good for a couple years, including a nice run as the closer for the Portland Sea Dogs last year (2.61 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, 18 BB, 59 K in 69.0 IP), but he's struggled in Triple-A (4.86 ERA, 1.37 WHIP, 26 BB, 54 K in 63.0 IP). Still, it seems likely we'll see Edgar Martinez again some day, and in true karmic justice, the man who terrorized pitchers for all those years comes back as a pitcher himself.

RP JAVIER LOPEZ, Boston Red Sox. Wow, the Red Sox have Edgar Martinez and Javier Lopez? The 1997 All-Star team called, they want their players back! I'm sure you've already heard of the other J-Lo, Javier A. Lopez, a left-handed reliever now with the Red Sox. I had an actual "No, the other one" moment a few years ago when I saw a sports brief headlined "Javier Lopez traded to Rockies." It must have been a slow news day. Anyway, I stopped reading the story after the headline and brought it up to a fellow roto-geek at work, causing a few minutes of excited conversation about the Coors Field effect before I read the rest of the story and realized, oh, it's the reliever. Javier A. Lopez is having a pretty good year (2.76 ERA and 1.29 WHIP in 32.2 IP), while Javy Lopez is as far as I know out of baseball. Now if someone told you the Rockies just got Javier Lopez, you'd say: "The reliever?"

RP MARK McLEMORE, Houston Astros. This one's a real mind-boggler. In the history of baseball, there have been just two guys named McLemore -- both with the first name Mark. Mark T. McLemore played for seven teams over 19 years in the big leagues, making his debut in 1986 as a 21-year-old second baseman with the California Angels. In 6,192 at-bats, he hit .259/.349/.341, playing mostly second, but also outfield, third and short. Six years before Mark T. made his debut in Anaheim, Mark S. McLemore was born in Sacramento. The left-handed reliever made the show for the first time this year, posting a 3.24 ERA (but with a 1.56 WHIP) in 25.0 IP, with 25 K but also 11 BB. In Triple-A this year, he had a 2.77 ERA and 1.33 WHIP with 52 Ks in 52.0 IP, but also 35 BB. As is seemingly required when two players share the same unusual name, Mark T. is black and Mark S. is white.

RP RYAN BRAUN, Kansas City Royals. Ryan Joseph Braun is regarded as one of the top prospects in baseball. The 23-year-old third baseman for the Milwaukee Brewers is hitting .332/.377/.640 in his debut season. Ryan Zachary Braun has not only the same name, but came up at the same time, making it inevitable that he will forever be known as "the bad Ryan Braun." The 27-year-old right handed reliever has been getting pounded this year (1-0, 0 SV, 6.67 ERA, 1.59 WHIP in 28.3 IP), and it's unlikely we'll have to think of any Brauns but Ryan J. for much longer. Hopefully he will make it to interleague play next year, so he can face the other Ryan Braun.

RP SEAN GREEN, Seattle Mariners. If you misspell Shawn Green's name it might wind up going to this guy. Sean Green is a 28-year-old righthander is 5-1 with a 3.23 ERA (but 1.40 WHIP) in 44 relief appearances with Seattle this year.

RP JOSHUA FIELDS, Chicago White Sox. The Mets have two guys named Jose Reyes and the White Sox have two guys named Josh Fields. Joshua Dean Fields is the third baseman/outfielder with the big club, hitting .238/.292/.454 in 273 ABs; the other one, who is actually three years older, is Joshua Lee Fields, a right-handed reliever who this year went 1-2 with a 3.24 ERA and 1.56 WHIP between Rookie ball and Double-A. There's also a pitcher from the University of Georgia named Joshua Fields, but he refused to sign after being drafted by the Braves and will return to the Bulldogs for his senior year.

Honorable mention: Francisco Rodriguez, a right-handed reliever for the Los Angeles Angels -- but this one is a 24-year-old swingman with a 6.29 ERA and 1.67 WHIP in 36 games in A-Ball; John Madden, a right-handed reliever in the Padres system; Brooks Dunn, whose parents were apparently country western fans, a lefty pitcher in the Padres system; Jimmy Rollins, a lefty reliever in the Royals system; Ryan Zimmerman, a right-handed reliever in the Tampa Bay organization; Bill White ("you huckleberry!"), a left-handed reliever in the Rangers system; Brian Wilson, a right-handed reliever recently called up to the Giants; and Steven Wright, a right-handed reliever in the Indians system.

I don't want to hate Max Kellerman

I have the good fortune of working an 11-to-7 job, as opposed to 9-to-5, so I get to miss the morning traffic that would turn my 20-minute commute into an hour, but still get home early enough to have dinner or watch a Yankee game.

So during my drive I usually listen to Max Kellerman, who is on ESPN Radio from 10 a.m. to noon. And I really don't want to hate Max Kellerman. He's a young guy, he's sometimes funny, he pays attention to sabermetrics, he's a Yankee fan, he speaks Yiddish, he knows a lot about boxing, he bounced back from a horrifying tragedy, the murder of his 29-year-old brother. I root for Max Kellerman.

But every morning he says something that annoys me. Whether it's comparing Michael Vick's cruelty to dogs to eating breakfast or his inane "Max Kellerman Army" routine or his mind-bogglingly obvious and yet ridiculously stupid observation that if your offense was so good that you never made an out, you could never actually win a baseball game.

So I've come to expect every day that he will say something that will make me frown. And then I sigh to myself, "Aw Max, I don't want to hate you."

Yes, and people in other cars do look at me with pity.

This morning, I was going to let it slide when he said Phil Hughes is already the best starting pitcher in baseball. OK, whatever. Hyperbole from a Yankee fan is acceptable.

No, what annoyed me this morning was his argument that Johnny Damon is a better hitter than Melky Cabrera. Not that Cabrera's career won't be as good as Damon's, or that Damon was a better hitter at age 23 than Cabrera is, or anything like that. No, that at this moment in time, Damon is a better hitter than Cabrera.

Aggravating the annoyance factor: Kellerman came to the right conclusion for the wrong reason. He says that, when Jason Giambi comes back, Melky will be the odd man out.

I agree!

But then Max takes it a step further by saying that Melky should be the one on the bench.

With Giambi back, the Yankees will have four players (Giambi, Damon, Melky and Andy Phillips for three spots (first, center and DH). One of the four has to ride the pine.

Max argues that it should be Melky, saying that Damon is a better center fielder than Giambi is a first baseman, so you're not losing as much defensively by playing Damon in center over Cabrera as you would playing Giambi at first over Phillips.

Yeah, it's kind of like saying you'd rather bang Joan Rivers than Geraldo Rivera. Either way, it's going to be ugly and you're not going to brag about it.

No matter how bad Giambi is, he can still catch balls thrown directly at him by the other infielders, which is 99 percent of a first baseman's job. A good defensive first baseman is a bonus; a bad defensive center fielder is a nightmare. For the defense argument to work, you have to convince me that Damon is an adequate center fielder, and I just don't buy that. But you know what? Let's say he is.

Where Max really lost me is when he said, offensively, Damon is still a better hitter than Cabrera. Melky will be better one day, Max concedes -- saying that Cabrera's career numbers so far compare favorably to Bernie Williams -- but for the rest of this season, you'd rather have Damon hitting than Cabrera.

Huh?


Melky: .291/.348/.409, 14 2B, 5 HR, 9-2 SB in 330 AB
Damon: .247/.347/.344, 16 2B, 5 HR, 19-2 SB in 340 AB


Hm... well, Damon got off to a slow start. Maybe he means recently?


Melky in July: .373/.416/.510, 2 HR, 4-1 SB in 102 AB
Damon in July: .237/.370/.309, 0 HR, 6-2 SB in 97 AB


All right. Maybe he means lefty/righty?


Melky: .267/.342/.366 vs LHP, .301/.350/.428 vs RHP
Damon: .268/.345/.340 vs LHP, .239/.347/.346 vs RHP


I arrived at work and missed the end of the great Melky/Johnny debate, so maybe Kellerman had some brilliant point about how you can't look at the statistics. Maybe he said, "Yes, I know Cabrera has been better to this point this season, but he's just a kid and could fall apart. Damon, on the other hand, is a veteran hitter with a tremendous body of work who is bound to start hitting better over the last two months of the season." But now you've left the realm of the objective.

Yes, Damon could come around. Cabrera could fall on his face. Or not. One guy is turning 23 and the other turning 34. The last two months could be a fluke, but it's not like it would be unexpected for Cabrera to get better and Damon to get worse at their respective ages.

And yet after all that, what really annoys me to no end is that Kellerman is right. Cabrera will be on the bench and Damon will be in center field.

Why? Because Joe Torre loves veterans. That's all there is to it. He'll do his best to get Cabrera into games by giving outfielders a day off or giving Giambi the occasional start at first base, but barring an injury, I think you'll see more of Damon than you will of Cabrera from here on out. This is exactly why I didn't want the Yankees to bring Bernie back, because Torre would have found a way to play him every day no matter what.

What would I do? I'd have Cabrera in center and Phillips at first, with Damon and Giambi sharing the DH role depending on the match-up, maybe benching Phillips and stomaching Giambi at first if you're facing a tough righty. But that might ruffle some feathers, and Torre doesn't do that to his guys. Cabrera can wait 'til next year.

But c'mon, Max. Don't pretend to be a sabermetrics guy if you won't look at numbers.

Hey ESPN... Jack THIS

Does anyone actually watch the Home Run Derby? I'm just glad I don't have Vlad Guerrero in any of my rotisserie leagues after watching how David Wright got screwed up after he finish second last year, and seeing what happened to Bobby Abreu's power after he won it in 2005.

But then again, maybe there's nothing to this Home Run Derby curse. After all, Ryan Howard won it last year and he's still mashing (he had a rough start, but has had 16 HRs since May 27).

Actually, guys like Howard and Jim Thome and David Ortiz should live for Home Run Derbies, because they can pull every pitch and not have to worry about the infield shift. I mean, I'm not a baseball analyst or anything, but maybe, just maybe, pure hitters like Abreu and Wright shouldn't be entering home-run hitting contests? Does that make sense to anybody?

Anyway, the answer to my question is -- no one watches the Home Run Derby. Hey, it is the only major professional sporting event on TV last night, and I'm flipping around watching The Sopranos re-runs on A&E.

First off, the Home Run Derby is boring. Second, Chris Berman is an ass-hat these days. Third, ESPN makes it unwatchable with all the bullshit.

If they think it's such a great event, why do they have Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez talking over it? The five people who actually care about the derby must have loved hearing A-Rod for the billionth time dance around whether he'll opt out of his contract while Albert Pujols is up there taking his cuts. It's just Pujols, right?

Oh, what's the difference, FOX and ESPN assume you don't want to watch what's happening on the field even during real games.

"So here it is, top of the third, no score. Oh, and let's bring Sean Astin into the booth. (first pitch, low and outside, apparently called a strike) So Sean, I understand you're in a baseball movie, The Final Season. When's that coming out? (second pitch, maybe a little high, apparently called a ball) So you're in this movie with Tom Arnold. Who smelled worse, Tom or Gollum? (batter fouls one off) Heh heh, yes, of course. (split screen to show, indeed, the announcer is talking to Sean Astin.) Now also in this movie is Rachael Leigh Cook, she must smell better than either one of them, am I right? (fourth pitch is high and tight, apparently called a ball) Is she a better kisser than that walrus in 50 First Dates?"

Yeah, great. Not that I actually want to watch the game or anything. Even better is when they shrink the size of the game you're watching to a picture-in-picture so I can see Bonds take six straight pitches. Now that is exciting. Hm, someone in the game I'm actually watching actually hit the ball, well, I'm sure they'll get back to that in a moment. I'd hate to miss Bonds flinging off his elbow guard in disgust.

Bud Selig was worried that nobody was watching the All-Star Game anymore, so he stupidly changed the rules so that the home field advantage for the World Series is determined by who wins tonight. "Now it counts!"

Bud, not to be a stickler for language or anything, but do you know what "exhibition game" means?

Look, if you want people to pay attention to the All-Star Game, have the stats count toward their regular season totals. Hell, make them worth double. Everyone with a rotisserie team will not only watch the game, they'll be voting like crazy to get those extra numbers.

Hey, do the same thing with the Home Run Derby. Vlad had 14 home runs in the first half, and 17 home runs last night in the derby. Guess what? Now he has 31 home runs this season! Hope you had him in your Yahoo league! And Alex Rios, 17 home runs in the first half, 27 last night? Forty-four dingers so far this year, baby! Hey, only 30 more to beat Bonds for the single-season record.

It's a win-win all around.

Proctor gets torched

Yankee reliever Scott Proctor burned his glove, cap and spikes yesterday after the A's lit him up for three runs on three hits in a third of an inning.

"I burned everything, the whole bit," Proctor said as he left Yankee Stadium. "I've done it before when things have gone bad. When I needed a change."

Some sources say Proctor burned his uniform; Proctor told the New York Post that's not true -- not that he didn't want to. "I'd burn my uniform if I wouldn't get in trouble for it."

You know what? I was never a big Proctor fan before, but I like him now. At least he seems to give a crap.

The Post's Michael Morrissey sniped, "And to think, it seemed Kyle Farnsworth was extreme for throwing his glove on Friday night."

But there's a big difference. Farnsworth-less threw a temper tantrum in front of the cameras when Joe Torre called on Mariano Rivera with two outs in the 8th. Now, given Mo just might be the greatest closer in the history of baseball, who the hell is Farnsworth to bitch about coming out? It's not like Torre pulled him for Charlie Brown. And a guy who has had three 1-2-3 innings this year -- that's right, just three 1-2-3 innings all year long -- and a 4.88 ERA and 1.66 WHIP has no right to complain about anything.

It was the second time in a week the cameras caught Farnsworth pitching a fit after getting pulled from a game. Just another sign Torre has lost control of this team.

Proctor, on the other hand, did his little pyro performance after the game, after the cameras were off. Even his teammates had already gone home.

Probably the only reason anybody heard about it is because some sportswriters were still hanging around in the press box, smelled something burning, and saw Proctor was doing some weekend grilling on the field in front of the Yankee dugout. And unlike Farnsworth, who refused to talk to reporters about his crybaby routines, Proctor manned up, joked about it and moved on.

I feel you, Prock. You can come over for a barbecue anytime you want.