The Gd damned Jets

I was going to write a long post about the Jets. It was going to talk about Matt Leinart and Brady Quinn. The fact remains that nothing says it better than this video. The Jets have no concept on how to build a franchise, how to please their fans, and how to reach the level of the NFL elite. They are an embarrassment to their fans.

I didn't want you anyway... I think

Picture the scene: You're at a crowded bar with your boys watching the game and checking out a cutie sitting with her girlfriends at a nearby table. She catches you looking and you glance away. Then you catch her looking and she glances away. Then, eye contact. Shy smiles.

Meanwhile, your mind is racing: Should you walk over there? Should you buy her a drink? Should you buy her a drink and bring it to her yourself? But then... she stands up! She walks over! She smiles again! And then she... talks to the guy standing behind you. And, even worse, the guy standing behind you is a dick.

So of course you think... I didn't want her anyway.

Now picture that same scenario, only instead of a cutie, it's Randy Moss.

For several months, it's been rumored that my Packers were about to swing a deal for the 30-year-old wide receiver. And I really didn't know how to feel about that.

My heart said, "Randy Moss!" That punk with Minnesota, who every game would dog it for three quarters, then kill us in the final two minutes? But even worse was the mooning incident. How could we even consider trading for a guy who pretended to moon the cheeseheads in Lambeau Field? (My outrage at this incident was later somewhat tempered when I learned that some Packer fans hang around after games to moon the visiting team's bus.)

But my head said, "Randy Moss!" I mean, who is the best wide receiver Brett Favre has ever had? Sterling Sharpe for the last two years of his career (and Favre's first two). Brett also caught the tail end of Andre Rison. Outside of those guys, I guess it would have to be Donald Driver, Robert Brooks or Antonio Freeman. Clearly, none of these guys is in Moss's league. Heck, do you think any of those guys would have ever had a 1,000-yard season with anybody but Favre throwing him the ball?

So while my heart and my head are feuding about Moss wearing the Green and Gold, I hear that Moss has been traded... to the Patriots.

For a fourth-round pick.

Huh.

The Raiders gave up Moss for the 110th pick overall. The Packers had the 112th pick. You would think the Packers could have made up the difference of just two spots by throwing in a later pick, or something. (In fact, the Pack did trade #112, to Pittsburgh, for a 4th and a 6th, #119 and #192.)

Talk about devaluation. Just two years ago, the Raiders gave up the 7th pick overall plus a seventh-round pick and linebacker Napolean Harris to get Moss, who was the 21st pick of the 1998 draft. Now he's worth just the 110th pick? Heck, we got a second-round pick for Javon Walker last year. Walker is just two years younger, is just as much a pain in the ass and blew out his knee in 2005. Go figure.

So. Moss got traded. We flirted a little, he walked over, but wound up talking to the other guy.

What a bitch.

Who can we blame for this?

Seven losses in a row. The third-worst record in baseball, ahead of only the Kansas City Royals and the Washington Nationals.

There is one question going around Yankeeland at the moment.

The question is not: "Is it too soon to panic?" It's never too soon to panic! Have you ever heard Jerome from the Bronx? Now, I know you may think Jerome from the Bronx is not representative of all Yankee fans, or for that matter, representative of non-institutionalized people in general. However, I have it on good authority that Jerome from the Bronx is the nom de plume of Hank Steinbrenner.

The question is not: "Is the season over?" We're 6-1/2 games behind the Red Sox, 5 games under .500, 4 games out of the wild card. (Heh) But that is not the question. We all know the answer to that. For better or for worse, the season is not over. Yogi Berra was a Yankee, after all.

The question is not: "Who can save us?" We all know the answer to that. Oh wait, we already tried that? Good thing we still have the number for this guy.

The question is not: "Why is this night unlike all other nights?" Because for the last seven nights in a row, it's pretty much been the same night.

No, the question is: "Who can we blame?"

Blame Joe Torre. I wanted to fire Torre at the end of last season, so I'm the last guy to defend him. This team has always won despite Torre, not because of him. As the old saying goes, "Managers can't win games, but they sure as hell can lose them." Morris Buttermaker could do a better job. But you know what? Blaming Torre for doing what he's done for 12 seasons is ridiculous. It's like blaming Fredo. Torre is what he is and he does what he does.

Blame Mariano Rivera. I already defended Mo, although he sure didn't help his case last night. Still, how can you blame Rivera? He's had just two save opportunities. You want to say if he was the Mo of Old -- meaning, last year -- that we'd be 10-11 instead of 8-13? OK, fine. Feel better now?

Blame injuries. Yeah, it's Gene Monahan's fault! Hideki Matsui, Chien-Ming Wang and Mike Mussina have already spent time on the D.L.; Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada and Johnny Damon have already had to sit out a couple games. But of course, the biggest blow has been the loss of Carl Pavano. Alright, so we can blame injuries, but a) that sounds like whining, b) injuries happen to everybody and c) you can't fire injuries. Next!

Blame Brian Cashman. It didn't occur to me to blame Cashman but it has occurred to other people, and they make some interesting points. After all, Cashman apparently "had hand" this winter, getting to exorcise the roster of Steinbrenner must-haves like Randy Johnson and Gary Sheffield, and winning the fight to save Torre's job. It's rare to fire a general manager in the middle of the season, though, so Torre would likely go first, followed by Cashman after the season. (Not that Big Stein would fire Cashman -- he'd just make him serve out the remaining year on his contract as a "consultant," which probably means cleaning the pigeon poop off the giant baseball bat in front of Yankee Stadium.)

Blame A-Rod. No, I'm not kidding. I've heard people call sports talk radio stations saying Alex Rodriguez is the reason the Yankees suck. When A-Rod does good, the rest of the team does bad. (Or is it when the team does bad, A-Rod does good? I was never too good at imaginary causality.) Well, good news! A-Rod went 0-for-3 last night and is 1-for-10 in his last three games, so we must be winning again, right? Or, better yet: A-Rod is in a 1-for-10 slump, we can blame the last three losses on him!

No, there's only one person we can blame for this: Rosie O'Donnell. Damn you, Rosie O'Donnell! Ever since you announced you were quitting The View, Derek just hasn't been the same.

Can I Get A Towel?

In all seriousness, Karl Ravech may be the biggest sissy on TV. As the host of "Baseball Tonight" on ESPN I've had to watch him nearly cry TWICE in the past two days. The first time being when Steve Phillips pointed out that ARod has more home runs than eight or nine TEAMS!

Phillips then said....

Phillips: "It's hard to question a guy being worth 25 million when he hits more home runs than whole teams with twice as much money spent on entire payroll."

This set Ravech off on a sissy fit! He screams about "No one is worth that" and then the highlight of any debate.... "I'm not even going to discuss this"

Huh?

You're the anchor of an analysis show Karl! That's your fucking job! To discuss AND debate the topics of the day. Generally I find Steve Phillips to be a poor judge of anything doing with talent (See: Scott Kazmir Trade) but he may have a point here.

If Arod is being more productive than entire TEAMS offensively than it stands to reason he's worth a lot of money. But since Karl REFUSED to even discuss the topic we move on...

To last night... And the Torii Hunter story. The one where he sent the Royals four bottles of champagne to "Thank them" for sweeping the White Sox at the end of last year. Thus, making it possible for the Twins to make the playoffs. Now apparently, there is some little known rule in baseball's rule book that states such an action is worthy of at LEAST a three year suspension. Most sane people I've heard discuss this are on Torii's side and think the whole thing is a bit silly to say the least.

Not Ravech!

Nope, he thinks a "rule is a rule" no matter how fucking dumb! And just to recap here, in MLB...

Throwing at a batter's head = 5 games

Corked bat = 10 games

Steroids = 50 games

Bottle of bubbly = THREE FUCKING YEARS!

Anyone with common sense can see what I'm getting at.... Torii Hunter was having some fun and the Royals never even opened the bottles. They sent them back. A simple warning would do here. However, in Karl Revech's tiny mind "a rule is a rule"

Something I watched him repeat last night so many times, in rapid succession, he nearly hyperventilated and I'm almost certain he did begin to cry.

Some one get this guy's mother to powder his ass and wipe his nose..... And get me someone with a set of balls to discuss sports on my TV.

What's Wrong With Mariano... again

It seems like every April, Mariano Rivera blows a couple saves in a row and people start asking, "What's wrong with Mariano?"

It's a question everyone will be asking after Marco Scutaro on Sunday and Alex Cora tonight.

So far this year, Mariano is 0-for-2 in save opportunities. I don't know what's the most surprising: That on April 20, Mo has 0 saves; that he has 2 blown saves; or that he has just two save opportunities.

So... what's wrong with Mariano?

The little angel on one shoulder says there's nothing wrong. According to John Flaherty, who I think is doing an excellent job as the Yankees color man on YES, Mo's velocity is there, but his location is off. Flaherty would know, don't you think? It's early in the year, he hasn't been used much at all -- just six times in the Yankees' first 15 games, and not since Sunday -- so it's to be expected. By next month, he'll be the same ol' Mo.

But the little devil on the other shoulder -- who I'm sure wears a hideous green jersey -- says it's the beginning of the end. Mariano is 37 years old and not a big guy (he's listed at 185 pounds, which I'm assuming means he was weighed while standing on a case of Bigelow Green Tea). Maybe what we thought was a positive sign in spring training -- Mo working on a changeup -- was actually a bad omen, a sign that Rivera knew the cutter wasn't going to be enough anymore.

Well, screw you, little devil! There's nothing wrong with Mariano. It's just Mo being Mo.

On April 26 of last year, Rivera had 2 losses, 1 blown save and a 4.91 ERA. He finished the year with just 5 losses, 3 blown saves and a 1.80 ERA.

And the year before that, on April 13, 2005, he had 1 loss, 2 blown saves and, again, a 4.91 ERA. He'd also given up 4 walks against just 4 Ks in 9.0 IP. He finished that year with just 4 losses, 4 blown saves and a 1.38 ERA, and a ridiculous 80 Ks to 18 BB in 78.1 IP.

So don't worry about Mariano -- unless you have him in a rotisserie league that I am also in, in which case, stick a fork in him. But before you release him, I'll take him off your hands for Ruddy Lugo. I'd hate to see you give up Mo for nothing, and what the heck, he can have one last go-round on my team.

Strictly for sentimental reasons, of course.

Throwing some chips at the Tropicana

I love to play poker. My particular brand of poker growing up was seven card stud, but Rounders, The World Series of Poker, and the World Poker Tour have converted me to Texas Hold ‘Em. For awhile the rare trip to Atlantic City was spent playing low limit hold ‘em. Recently, however, I have started playing the 1 – 2 no limit game. I find this to be a far more pleasurable experience and will NEVER play low limit hold ‘em again.

No more tournaments!

Upon my arrival at the casino I played in an $80 dollar buy in tournament. This is something else I will never do again. The blind structure during the daily tournaments at the Trop goes up far too fast for anything but wild play and turns the tournament into a game of luck versus a game of skill. This was not the first tournament I played in AC and have found them all to be exactly the same. You may have one moment to get really healthy in terms of your chip stack and if you blow it, you are done. There is no chance to recover from a mistake because you will lose your chips to the blinds before you can blink. I had my moment and I blew it. Please be clear, this is not a bad beat story. This is yours truly knowing the right play and blowing it. I got timid in the face of a large bet (about 60% of my stack) and folded when I should have pushed all in and gambled on a very good draw. My money card fell on the turn and I was out of the tournament soon after.

I made a safe play to try and keep myself alive, but I should have made the aggressive play because the blinds were increasing at a breakneck pace. When the blinds go up so fast they become a player in the tournament it significantly decreases my enjoyment of the game.

Delusions?

The rest of the time I spent at the 1 – 2 no limit table with great success, winning around $400. I am a solid player, but not a spectacular one. Annoyed is the best player among the contributors here in The Cheap Seats, but I would say I am consistently the most disciplined. I realize the data sample is entirely too small to make a real judgment, but based on some observations I believe I could make a living playing cards if I wanted to.

Observations –

• I turned over three losing hands out of about 500 seen. This tells me I am getting out of hands when appropriate and not chasing cards.
  

• I got paid off on all of my big hands, save one. (In the 1-2 game the maximum buy in is $300, for my purposes pots of over $100 are what I consider getting paid off.)

• I lived by the rule “better to win a small pot than lose a big one,” and was extremely successful doing it.

• It is imperative that you sit at a table that has a style you are comfortable with. I played 4 sessions of 4 hours or more and was on the plus side in 3 out of the 4. In the 4^th the tone of the table was not to my particular liking and I ended up down for that session.
  I bet when I had something and I got out of hands when I had nothing. What I observed almost immediately last week is that bluffing at that level is a waste of time and in the long run will cost you money. If you have an especially tight table image you might be able to get away with it occasionally, but super aggressive, bet it up with any two cards play will just get you busted.

Conclusions -

Overall my latest Atlantic City experience was an incredibly positive one. The Trop upgraded our room to the new Havana Tower and we had a great view of the ocean, downbeach and marina areas of the city. The room was clean and comfortable and the water pressure in the shower was good. The staff was courteous and the dealers we efficient at keeping the action moving and appreciative of the tips they received. I highly recommend the Tropicana and will probably stay there again the next time I am in town to throw some chips.

Theme Team: The Swinging Johnsons

When I was a kid, a friend's father was going to throw away his copy of the Baseball Encyclopedia. (Pictured at right is the new version -- I'm talking the old school 1969 edition of "Big Mac.")

The book, which seems like an insufficient word to describe something that weighed more than 6 pounds, had seen better days. But the guy knew I was a baseball fan and he was going to throw it away anyway, so he offered it to me.

Some of the pages had turned brown from water damage, and the book had been left at the bottom of a closet or something, so it was misshapen -- a book shaped not like a rectangle but a parallelogram.

It was a thing of beauty.

More than 2,000 pages of players, from Babe Ruth to Moonlight Graham. It was great just to flip through it and look at all the awesome 19th century nicknames: "Death to Flying Things" and "The Little Steam Engine" and "The Only Nolan." For the next 10 years, this would be my primary source of historical baseball knowledge -- and, unfortunately, when I got the book it was already 10 years out of date, so this led to some gaps in my baseball knowledge. I'm still more familiar with Ducky Medwick and Johnny Mize than George Foster and Dave Parker.

From reading "Big Mac" I developed an interest in bizarre baseball players names, and then the idea of assembling a team based on some weird theme. The all-edible team, with Darryl Strawberry, Harry Colliflower and Bill Bean. The all-animal team, with Nellie Fox, Chicken Hawks and Steve Trout.

I think it's somewhat of a relief to know I'm not the only baseball nerd to have teams like this. (In fact, I'm convinced Theo Epstein was trying to assemble a team of Guys Almost Named Miller with Kevin Millar, Bill Mueller and I'm sure he was desperately trying to trade for Brian Moehler. Too bad Frank Millard died in 1892!) But even if no one else was interested by this, I still would be, so from time to time I will present a "theme team." You can either be amused by the theme team itself, or amused by the thought that someone would be amused by a theme team. Either way, be amused!

So here's my first entry, one of my all-time favorites, and actually, a pretty good team as theme teams go: The All-Johnson Team, aka The Swinging Johnsons.

Johnson is a very popular last name in baseball -- 101 guys with that last name have played in at least 1 game in the majors since 1871. If you are going to do a team of all guys with the same last name, you'd definitely want to grab the Johnsons. The Smiths have more quantity but not quality; the Robinsons have four Hall of Famers but little else; and as for Martinez, well, not yet, but check back in a few years.

So we'll go with Johnson, a surname shared by two Hall of Famers (one current, one future), a number of All-Stars and a number of solid every-day regular players. I only went with true Johnsons -- no Johnstons! I also tried to avoid one-year wonders.

Here's my 25-man roster for the Swinging Johnsons.

Batters:
C Charles Johnson (2000: .306/.379/.582 31 HR, 91 RBI). One of my favorite players, but he really had just this one good season. Had a cannon arm.

1B Nick Johnson (2006: .290/.428/.520 46 2B, 23 HR, 77 RBI). If he could only remain healthy. He set career highs in every category last year, but then broke his leg in one of the last games of the season. He's still out and isn't expected back until June. Nine months for a broken leg, Nick? Do you have the same doctor as Barbaro?

2B Davey Johnson (1973: .270/.370/.546 43 HR, 99 RBI). Did they have steroids in 1973? He hit 136 career HRs -- 43 in that one season.

3B Billy Johnson (1948: .294/.358/.446 12 HR, 64 RBI). There are actually a number of really good Johnsons who played third base, including Negro Leaguer and Hall of Famer Judy Johnson. Billy has been forgotten by history, but won four World Series rings with the Yankees and was an All-Star in 1947.

SS Howard Johnson (1989: .287/.369/.559 36 HR, 101 RBI, 41 SB). OK, we're sacrificing some infield defense here, but HoJo did have 273 career games at shortstop -- including 31 games this season, without making a single error. They can't give you an error if you don't touch the ball.

LF Bob Johnson (1939: .338/.440/.553 23 HR, 15 SB, 114 RBI). His nickname was "Indian Bob" but never played for Cleveland -- he was one-quarter Cherokee. A three-time All-Star who had a solid but unspectacular career. (A Trot Nixon/Paul O'Neill type.) His brother, Roy Johnson, played 10 years but didn't make the team.

CF Lance Johnson (1996: .333/.362/.479 9 HR, 21 3B, 50 SB, 117 R). Another one of my favorite players. "One Dog" never walked or struck out, just whacked line drives and ran like the wind. He led the league in triples for four consecutive years, an MLB record.

RF Spud Johnson (1890: .346/.409/.461 1 HR, 113 RBI, 18 3B, 43 SB). I'm always leery of taking 19th century players on these lists because their numbers are so out of whack, but how can I not take a guy named Spud?

DH Deron Johnson (1965: .287/.340/.515 32 HR, 130 RBI). Kind of a poor man's Troy Glaus -- lots of HRs, lots of Ks. Played first base, third base and outfield, but his best position was DH.

Bench:
C/1B/OF Cliff Johnson (1977: .297/.407/.584 22 HR, 54 RBI in 286 AB). One of those "What if?" guys -- never got 400 ABs in a season until he was 35.

2B Don Johnson (1945: .302/.343/.361 2 HR, 9 SB). You hear about guys who lost playing time to service in World War II, but here's a guy who didn't make the majors until 1943, as a 31-year-old, and then made the All-Star team twice. I'm not saying he sent flowers to Admiral Yamamoto or anything, I'm just saying, if not for the war, we'd have never heard of Don Johnson. Actually, to avoid all those Miami Vice jokes, we'll go by his nickname, "Pep."

OF Alex Johnson (1970: .329/.370/.459 14 HR, 17 SB, 86 RBI). Looked like a pretty good hitter for a few years. I don't know much about him, and my curiousity is all the more piqued by this intriguing nugget from his BR Bullpen page: "His emotional disability was at the center of one of the landmark cases in the early days of the players' union."

OF Reed Johnson (2006: .319/.390/.479 12 HR, 86 R). With Nick out, Reed arguably is the best active Johnson, though we'll see if Randy finds the fountain of youth again in Arizona. However, I've never really been all that impressed with this Johnson, whose primary ability seems to be getting hit with pitches (21 times last year!).

IF/OF Bob Johnson (1962: .288/.334/.416 12 HR, 9 SB). Not much of a hitter but we needed a utility guy. Bob played every infield position as well as a couple games in left field. Like a spare tire, a fire extinguisher or the Morning After pill, a light-hitting utility guy is the type of thing you need to have around, but never want to use. In fact, as befitting his status on our team as well as in real life, Bob won a World Series ring with the 1966 Baltimore Orioles without appearing in a post-season game.

Rotation:

RHP Walter Johnson (1913: 36-7, 1.14 ERA, 0.78 WHIP). You could pick almost any season from him. The astounding thing about his numbers from this season is that he pitched 346 innings -- and walked just 38 guys.

LHP Randy Johnson (1995: 18-2, 2.48 ERA, 1.05 WHIP). Well, with these two at the top of your rotation, how could you miss? Like the Big Train, you could take any one of about 10 seasons from the Big Unit. I chose the first of his five Cy Young years.

RHP Ken Johnson (1967: 13-9, 2.74 ERA, 1.09 WHIP). Struck out 178 guys in 197 IP in 1962, but five years later, 85 in 210. According to BR Bullpen, he's the only player in history to lose a complete game no-hitter. (Apparently, Andy Hawkins doesn't count because, as the visiting pitcher in a loss, he pitched only 8 innings.)

RHP Bart Johnson (1974: 10-4, 2.74 ERA, 1.13 WHIP). Threw back-to-back shutouts this season. Like Ken, was a big strikeout pitcher earlier in his career -- 153 Ks in 178 IP in '71, 91 Ks in 211.1 IP in '76. An undiagnosed injury, maybe?

RHP Jing Johnson (1917: 9-12, 2.78 ERA, 1.26 WHIP). Don't know why they called him "Jing" -- his real name was Russell. Don't get too excited about his ERA, as it was actually worse than league average (2.74) that year. He held out in 1920 when Connie Mack wouldn't give him a raise, and Mack told him to find another job if it would pay him better. He became a research chemist -- and held out for seven years!

Bullpen:
RHP Tom Johnson (1977: 16-7, 15 SV, 3.13 ERA, 1.36 WHIP). The closest the Johnsons come to a closer. Managers were still trying to figure out the whole closer thing in the 1970s: Tom pitched 146.2 innings in 1977, all in relief, for 16 wins and 15 saves. He was out of baseball after the following season, washed up at age 28.

LHP Earl Johnson (1947: 12-11, 8 SV, 2.97 ERA, 1.34 WHIP). Our lefty set-up guy, could also start if we need him -- he had 17 starts in 1947 (6 complete games and 3 shutouts), but also pitched 28 games in relief. Just 129 H in 142.3 IP, but I don't like the 65 K:62 BB ratio.

RHP Syl Johnson (1934: 5-9, 3 SV, 3.46 ERA, 1.11 WHIP). Our righty set-up man. Like most of these pre-WWII pitchers, Syl also started some games every year, but at this point in his career was mostly a reliever (34 relief appearances, 10 starts).

RHP Bob Johnson (1970: 8-13, 4 SV, 3.07 ERA, 1.22 WHIP). A swing-man with 26 starts and 14 relief appearances this year, but we'll use him in long relief. Our only true flamethrower in the 'pen (206 Ks in 214 IP in '70) and also our third Bob Johnson.

LHP John Henry Johnson (1980: 2-2, 4 SV, 2.33 ERA, 1.09 WHIP). Our one-out situational lefty.

RHP Si Johnson (1932: 13-15, 3.27 ERA, 1.24 WHIP). The mop-up guy/sixth starter. Si (short for Silas) had a long career in the N.L., with 272 starts and 220 relief appearances -- including 13 shutouts and 15 saves.

So that's the team. A very good offense, an excellent rotation and a so-so bullpen. I offer my apologies to Dan Johnson and Jason Johnson, two notable active Johnsons who didn't make the cut. Hopefully better things are to come. In the meantime, let's go Johnsons!