Mark Cuban's pipe dream

Mark Cuban says he wants another sports franchise. And to do it, he's going to get in on the ground floor of another pro football league, the UFL.

Hey, Mark? Maybe you didn't hear, but they tried this a few years ago. It's understandable if you missed it, because the XFL lasted just three months in 2001. Perhaps you'd like to bid on this sweet Rod "He Hate Me" Smart rookie card from the Las Vegas Outlaws? (It's funny that the eBay seller makes a big deal about this being a "rookie card." It was the first and only year of the league! They were all rookies!)

But I would've thought for sure at some point you rubbed elbows with fellow whiney rich guy Donald Trump, and he would've mentioned that he too once owned a professional sports team. Maybe you thought, when he said he owned the New Jersey Generals, he was talking about a couple apartment buildings in Hoboken. Well, actually, it was a football team. The USFL lasted from 1982 to 1985. Did you miss it? Maybe you weren't into sports at the time. But I see from your wiki biography you were a bartender in Dallas in 1982, and there wasn't a franchise in Dallas, so maybe you hadn't heard about it. I'm not sure how many fans of the Houston Gamblers or San Antonio Gunslingers would have gone to Dallas, so maybe you just missed it.

Speaking of your wiki biography, it says you lived in a three-bedroom apartment with five roommates. Do you keep up with those guys? Did you ever track down that one roommate who always gets stiffed on the phone deposit and finally kick in your $20?

Anyway, noting that you were born in 1958, that would've made you 16 years old when the World Football League was founded. Portland Storm? Detroit Wheels? Any of this sound at all familiar? That league only lasted a year and a half, but you know, as a teenager who would grow up to be a sports team owner, I figured you would've heard of it. Larry Csonka and Jim Kiick? Anything?

One thing about the World Football League -- what an odd collection of team names. I mean, the Philadelphia Bell? WTF? Your team is a Bell? I know, the Liberty Bell and all that, but come on. Shreveport Steamer -- I can't imagine any team calling themselves a "Steamer" anymore. But then you've got the Houston Texans (now an NFL team), the Chicago Fire (now an MLS team) and the Charlotte Hornets and the Memphis Grizzlies (later NBA teams).

Anyway, back to the United Football League. Yes, those leagues folded. But, Mark says, our idea is unique: We're going to play football on Friday night, and we're not going to try to compete with the NFL for first-round draft picks!

So, let me get this straight. You're going to show your games on the worst night of the week for pro sports, and you're going to guarantee you have crappy players?

(Yes, every year there's a late-rounder who becomes a good player, or even a Hall of Famer. But for every Tom Brady, there's a dozen guys you never heard of because they sucked.)

Now all three of those leagues I mentioned above tried to do what the AFL did when it was founded, which is to get merged with the NFL. And when it became obvious the NFL wasn't interested in merging, the league went belly-up.

And that's what this is all about, right, Mark? You're going to get some press about starting a franchise in Las Vegas, maybe get a couple other guys with more money than brains to join as well, all the while hoping to pressure the league into letting you buy the Arizona Cardinals or something.

Well, what can we say... yeah, good luck with that. Hopefully your league will be as successful as Arena Football or NFL Europe.

My advice, if you want to hire me as a consultant: Get the people who play fantasy football interested. Come up with cool team names that don't make 12-year-old boys giggle. Convince the oddsmakers to come up with interesting side-bets, like how many times you'll jump up and scream "THAT'S NOT HOLDING!" at the refs.

But if you really want a new sports franchise, I have two words for you:

Jennifer Steinbrenner.

Big Stein is looking for a new crown prince, and you're looking for a new team. And what better team than the most famous franchise in sports history?

I know you're already married (and apparenty very protective of your new bride), but hey, this is business, not personal. Or maybe you can get a Big Love-type thing going on.

Good luck!

The Joe Torre story

As I have noted before, I am not a fan of Joe Torre.

I think there is a misconception among Yankee haters that Yankee fans think Torre is a great manager. That may be true, or may have been true anyway, when it comes to the casual Yankee fan. (Now there's no shortage of Yankee fans blaming Torre for all that is wrong with the world.)

But there are many Yankee fans, including me, who didn't like Torre when he was hired 11 years ago and don't like him now, four rings or no.

Sometimes I think the case against Torre is overstated -- I do not, for example, believe he is a sign of the impending apocalpyse -- but it also sets my teeth on edge when I hear John Sterling, Suzyn Waldman and Michael Kay blasting Torre's critics as ingrates ("I guess 1996-2000 wasn't good enough for you?"), hypocrites ("no one was complaining when he won four World Series rings!") or second-guessers ("if Kyle Farnsworth had struck out the side, people would say Torre is a genius!").

Isn't it possible to be a Yankee fan and still not like Torre as manager? Heck, isn't it possible that Torre was the right manager a few years ago, but is the wrong manager now?

Torre is a player's manager -- hands-off, laid-back, low-key. He won't jump up and high-five you after a great play, and he won't get in your face and scream after a dumb one. He prefers veterans over rookies, and "his guys" over newcomers. If you are one of his guys, you don't have to worry about losing your job. You'll have time to work through your slump. Joe will protect you.

It must be a comfortable place to work. And sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes that's a bad thing.

When Torre came to the Yankees, there were a number of players -- Joe Girardi, Tino Martinez, Jim Leyritz -- who did the yelling and screaming for him. (At the time, I assumed Paul O'Neill was the in-your-face guy in the dugout, but since then I've heard that O'Neill was always screaming at himself, not at other people.) Scott Brosius would later play this role as well.

There isn't a player like that now. Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez are the lead-by-example types. Jorge Posada sometimes yells, but not always. He seems to direct most of his ire at the other team anyway. Larry Bowa is a screamer, but he's the third base coach, not the manager.

The problem with being a player's manager is if you try to do something different, now you're an asshole. Look at it this way: if Torre demands that Melky Cabrera gets sent down to Triple-A and that Luis Vizcaino gets released, well, then Torre's a traitor. He's throwing guys under the bus to save his own job. (Look at how Philly fans killed Charlie Manuel for putting Brett Myers in the bullpen.)

But if a new guy comes in and does the same thing, hey, he's cleaning house.

The truth is I don't think there's much that can really be done with the Yankees. Maybe you send Cabrera down to figure things out, or at least call up Kevin Thompson so we have another option. You can upgrade at backup catcher over Wil Nieves... woo-hoo. The best possible upgrade on offense would be a real first baseman to replace Doush Phelkiewicz.

For all the bluster about releasing Vizcaino, remember this guy was pretty good last year (3.58 ERA, 1.22 WHIP) for Arizona and not bad the year before that (3.73 ERA, 1.47 WHIP) for the White Sox. The same goes for Kyle Farnsworth, who despite all his struggles might be worth something in trade back to the N.L. There's obviously room to upgrade the middle relief.

There's nothing that can be done about the rotation except wait for the return of Roger Clemens and Phil Hughes -- if we trade for a guy, it would mean sending Hughes back to Triple-A, unless you want to put a hit on Mike Mussina.

So what's Joe's replacement going to do, other than yell and scream?

All that said, if it were my team... I'd fire him. But then again, I would've fired him last year, too.

Who can we blame for this? Part 2

Last month I asked who can we blame for the Yankees' disappointing start, and a few days later the Yankees answered by firing the performance enhancement director.

Record before Marty Miller was fired: 10-14. Record since then: 8-8.

OK, so that was obviously a step in the right direction. Plus we haven't had any hamstring injuries since then. So kudos to the Yankees for firing Miller.

Unfortunately, even if we can keep up this impressive .500 performance of the post-Miller era, it won't be enough to get us back into the post-season. (Unless we can convince the Red Sox to hire Marty.)

As a diehard Yankee fan, of course I think we're going to go on a 122-game winning streak and finish the season with the best record in baseball. But now that we're officially a quarter of the way through the season, what would be a realistic number to throw out there for the Yankees' win total?

Now, before the season started, I said the Yankees would win 100 games. Appropriately, I titled that post "What the hell do I know?" But let's say the Yankees truly are a 100-win team -- which would be a .617 winning percentage -- that got off to a bad start.

Starting at 18-22, if we play .617 baseball over the final three quarters of the season, we go 75-47 -- and finish the year at 93-69.

In fact, Paul Katcher just blogged earlier this week that, going by Pythagorean winning percentage, the Yankees are really a 94-win team. So let's say 93-69 is a reasonable target -- which would mean no one else gets hurt, but also that Roger Clemens and Phil Hughes don't make much of a difference. We're essentially the same team we are now but some of the breaks start going our way.

Oddly enough, the Red Sox also have played 40 games, but they are 28-12. For us to pass them, they'd have to finish the season going 64-58 (.525 W%). That would leave them at 92-70. And you know what? I don't think that's impossible.

I'm sure Boston fans will scoff at anything less than a .700 winning percentage the rest of the way, but .700 might be more unrealistic than .525. So far they've avoided any major injuries, and they've been getting amazing -- a cynic would say unsustainably amazing -- performances from their pitching staff. Last year they were 86-76, which is just one win better than a .525 W%. On the other hand, you could also point out that they're a better team that they were last year, or that this year they have a .700 Pythagorean winning percentage and that's without any production from J.D. Drew or Manny Ramirez.

It's too early to write off the A.L. East, but just for a moment, what about the wild card? Right now, the Detroit Tigers are leading at 25-16 (.610 W%). If we assume the Yankees win 93 games, the Tigers would have to go 67-54 (.554 W%) to finish at 92-70. Is that unrealistic? Well, if they play in line with their current Pythagorean winning percentage (.561 W%), they would go 68-53 -- which would leave them tied with us at 93 wins.

I know on a cold and gray May morning, coming off a tough loss last night in which we were shut down by yet another lefty, this may look like a lost season. But have hope. We still have a lot of baseball left to play, and the numbers above aren't unrealistic. Clemens and Hughes are coming back, Mariano Rivera is looking better, the offense will start clicking soon.

And if worse comes to worst, we can always fire the assistant to the traveling secretary.